posted on May, 21 2006 @ 08:12 AM
The person was actually there.
Generally the hallucinations I experience are more "transparent" than solid matter or in the form of shadows that I catch moving out of the corner
of my eye, or words interposed on other words. All of these things can be layovers from a chemical imbalance.
I've seen some pretty strange things in mirrors as well.
Visuals aren't as common as auditory hallucinations - and those are the worst. With visuals, you can close your eyes and they go away, but the
voices are in your head and there's no way to drown them out. It's like mentally fighting with a computer that keeps repeating the same thing over
and over and never gets tired.
With respect to the delusions of multiple realities -
The only way I can think to describe this is to pretend you're an actor. You've studied several different characters and how they would best react
to a given situation. A conflict, for example:
Your acting coach, as a training excercise, describes a given circumstance and then starts calling out the name of the characters to be portrayed.
It starts out slowly - then increases to the point that you barely have time to "act out" your lines before the character is switched.
To the outside observer, you look like a madman with facial expressions, posture, demeanor and voice changing in rapid succession and it's impossible
to distinguish what character is being played out anymore..
I've always thought of it as a "coping behavior". Stimulus/response. What was triggering this behavior seems a little more in-depth and involved
than just a chemical imablance...this sort of thing is normally thought of as learned behavior.)
The first time this happened, I was on the third day of an episode (mood swings, and voices that were organized and running me through various
fictional scenarios). I found myself at one point running through various "psuedopersonas" at lightning speed.
When it subsided, (I thought it was over) I walked out to the convience store to grab a soda, but as soon as I stepped through the doors of the
establishment, something triggered me again and I forgot why I had gone down there in the first place.
I stepped outside and found myself "playing the role" of some sort of sentry - one of the strongest themes to my episodes - and there I found
myself, standing on the corner and watching the people drive by - oblivious to the fact that I had to have looked like a complete idiot. Still - this
was the clearest state of mind I had been in the entire evening, so I thought nothing of it. I was "on duty" and doing my best to make sure
everything was kosher in the outside world.
Well, the night clerk noticed my odd behavior and called the police. They came down to check up on me (I was on my way home at the time) and when
they approached me, I found myself struck dumb. I couldn't speak - I could only offer my identification.
They must have sensed something odd, because the next thing I know, there's an ambulance pulling up and they gently escorted me to the hospital.
I don't remember speaking to anyone there - I was aware of my surroundings, I just couldn't speak to anyone. Everyone was patient with me while I
waited in the emergency room. One of the first things they did was turn on the television and the first thing I thought was "Oh, #. I hope they
don't think I'm THAT type!"
I waited patiently for several more minutes before I blacked out and woke up to find myself walking out of the hospital, as if on autopilot, in the
direction of the full moon overhead. I remember there being a little red light under the moon, blinking - and all I could think of was "the Truman
Show" for some reason.
I returned to the hospital and sat down moments before I was rushed, given a sedative and blacked out. I woke up a few hours later in Rivendell
Psychiatric where I was back to normal within a matter of hours and released within a week.
Nothing since then.