No need to worry - I'm actually flabbergasted someone is taking this thread seriously! In fact, I'm honored!
In response :
When an episode begins, it feels completely natural and normal. As it increases, the dissacociative state begins to take a stronger hold ...slowly,
so the transistion seems like a normal state of mind.
I've been told by others that due to my natural creativity (I'm a hobbyist cartoonist and writer) and the fact that I've always been attracted to
certain subjects (brianwahsing and conspiracies) that I may unconsiously "walk into" these types of scenarios unwittingly out of a subconcious
I can see the validity to this idea. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me.
As far as triggers - in the advanced stages of an episode, I don't hear anything - no voices, no prompts, or other auditory clues or commands. I
simply "react" to unknown stimulus.
Whether it is of an internal or external nature I cannot say, but it always seems to be accompanied by the feeling of "being on the worlds largest
soundstage where all the people are just actors in the the Great Play".
Strange metaphor, I know - but it's the closest I can come to describing it.
This might be the reason I allow myself to fall so deeply into these states. The prospect of such unlimited possibilities seems too good an
opportunity for exploration than just sitting around on my bum.
Even subject matter that would make most people uncomfortable I get a kick out of...I actually found myself standing in my kitchen window for several
days a few months ago "talking via telepathy" to an unknown "agency" (I was under the impression it was the CIA for some reason) and joking around
with them and going through a very light level interrogation at one point (I can't recall the details of those conversations very well though...I
have terrible recall on some points.)
In response to whether or not the trigger "wipes away reality" I can't say for sure...
The scenery looks the same, the observable world is identical to the one I normally inhabit...but when I walk outside there are more stars in the sky,
greater amounts of air traffic (look at all the pretty spaceships, a childlike part of me says) and the colors are intensely vivid and defined.
It literally feels like a "dimensional shift" - like the veils have been lifted and I am completely at one with everything. It's a wonderful
feeling until other people get in the way - then the illusion becomes disjointed, I get confused and become unsure of myself.
That's usually when people start making judgements regarding my "behavior".
I've never understood that. I'm just taking things in. Experiencing life through new eyes. I'm not violent or obtrusive, I mind my own
As I like to say to myself sometimes, in jest - Nice Planet. Strange populace.
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