posted on May, 20 2006 @ 08:56 AM
From: Dr. Vladimir Timski
The Laboratory of the Utility Sandwich Research Kitchen
I have begun a program of research into the fusion of unstable exotic ingredient-elements by the use of catalysts formed from polymerised condiment
compounds. So far the experiments have proved successful, and have yeilded small amounts of 'heavy sandwich'.
The first problem was the construction of a Breville Reactor, necessary to generate the temperatures required for the ingredient-fusion process.
Fortunately, it has been discovered that the essential components are attainable on the Eastern European black-market. Once the reactor had been built
and tested to perform within the required critical parameters, the ingredient-assembly process was begun.
The ingredient-assembly stage involved the procurement of PotNoodle-235, a highly volatile snack-substance that has to be contained in specially
constructed non-reactive vessels. This was then combined with a supplied reagent and water at 80degrees C. It must be noted however, that the addition
of the activation agent (in the case of PN-235, a synthetic soy derivative) must be made very gradually whilst slowly adding the heated water, as the
process will produce volumes of toxic 'chicken&mushroom' gasses. Once allowed to cool to 40-50degrees C, the soy-enrichment process will have
yeilded the transition from unstable PN-235 to a more stable form, PotNoodle-238.
Once this stage was complete, two sheets of bread were coated with condiment-compound, using saladcream for the top portion and ketchup for the lower
portion. It has been found that bread slices that have undergone the 'Warburton' process gave greater tensile cohesion under the extreme
temperatures of the reaction process. The next step is critical to the fusion process. The inner portion of bread layers were double-lined with Kraft,
a polymerised dairy product, with care made to ensure the Kraft layers extend to the edges or the bread-slices. The lower slice was then placed inside
the primed reactor chamber.
The now-enriched PotNoodle-238 was carefully transferred from its reaction-vesel onto the lower bread layer and covered with the upper slice of bread.
This proved to be the most dangerous stage of the process as the combined ingredients begin to react upon contact. Once the reactor-chamber has been
loaded and sealed, the ingredient-fusion process takes approximately 5 minutes.
Extreme caution must be exercised to constantly monitor the fusion process, as ingredient-meltdown can occur if left unattended with disastrous
consequences, as demonstrated with the failure of Breville-Reactor No4 at the Russian Savory Research Facility some years ago
After the ingredient reaction-process is complete, the chamber can be opened, taking great care in handling as a great amount of heat is generated
during fusion. If the process has been successful, the 'heavy sandwich' produced will sustain enough energy to power a small villiage, with the
equivalent to 5KiloSavouries (5,000 sandwiches)
Note: Further to the outcomes of this and related experiments into Theoretical-Savouries, It has been proposed to develop and build a working LCC
(Large Condiment Collider) to conduct further research into exotic fillings
[edit on 20-5-2006 by timski]