It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

So when does the chit-chat start? Right now!

page: 23
17
<< 20  21  22    24  25  26 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Mar, 15 2007 @ 12:52 PM
link   
Oh!! Bless you desert!! I couldn’t have received better information from such a trusted friend! I’m going to leave you my cell #… (123) 456-7890… Next time you see my Pastor stop in…call me quick!!! I’ll put on my wet t-shirt and pop in just to see him red in the face, and ashamed! I always knew pastors were immoral! They’re humans, just like the rest of us… they just never admit to it. I bet he won’t call me again asking why I wasn’t at church last Sunday?
I wonder if he’ll stick a tithe in my t-shirt? Lord knows I’ve put plenty of tithes in his plate!

Better call whaaa too…if I’m going to put the T-shirt on, there might as well be a cheering crowd around! That should help add to my Pastors shame…

I’m awful cheerful today…I think I’ll have some Bubbly! Can I get a glass of Champagne…I want to make a toast to my good friends…..Cheers


I’m glad you reminded me about St. Patty’s Day…I better get to the store and buy a corned beef before the price shoots back up again! My daughter has an Irish name….Erin go baugh…


[edit on 3/15/2007 by jensouth31]




posted on Mar, 15 2007 @ 04:33 PM
link   
Erin go braless?

But back to whaaa.....man that is one freaky story about that dude in McDonald's. Maybe that McDonald's was built on a vortex or something?

There's a lot of freaks in Sedona. I call them the "Not Ready For Peote Players." They only come out at night.....and they are a wacked out bunch. All ages....many like to wear their pajamas out in public. They do a lot of dancing by themselves and usually their eyes point in different directions. They cry for no reason and sometimes try to dry hump police officers....




posted on Mar, 16 2007 @ 09:20 AM
link   
La la la la la la la...getting ready for karaoke...

Glad there's no vortexes in my town. Did have a guy who walked around Main Street with a concealed machete; police couldn't do anything about it until he used it on someone. :shk:

Hey, guys, did you notice that Whaaa called us normal? I am deeply touched by this. I don't think I've ever been called that.

Well, time to tromp around the desert for awhile. Better take a Blue Margarita to go.



posted on Mar, 16 2007 @ 04:38 PM
link   
I think whaaa was being sarcastic when he said we were normal.....



posted on Mar, 18 2007 @ 12:24 AM
link   
Oh my…. desert, I’m sorry I was so late for the karaoke contest. An accident on the way over… delayed me. Oh how I hate to be late for the party!! Anyhow, that auto accident kind of looked like one of those Government Weather Balloons from the late 1940’s. You know, like the one that crashed in Roswell. I’m thinking with all that technology the Military has, they should really consider improving their designs!

E-b?? Whaaa?? Did you happen to see that accident? One thing I know for sure, the military has a lot of strange looking biohazard suits. If I didn’t know better, I would have swore I saw a bunch of little green men with great big heads hovering over that Weather Balloon! Those suits are something else **-shakes head-**

Hey bartender, can I have one of those O'Thentic Irish Kiss drinks? I like celebrating St. Patty’s day as merrily as I can. Oh how I love a good Irish whisky every now then.

By the way, Happy Saint Patrick’s Day everyone!!
Who forgot to wear Green? Line up…I’m gonna have to pinch you



posted on Mar, 20 2007 @ 06:16 AM
link   
Biohazard suits? So? Doesn't everyone have one of those? I have one. I wore it to my sister's wedding, because the feller she was marrying was quite toxic!



posted on Mar, 20 2007 @ 11:16 PM
link   
Greetings, all!
Oh, Jen, I really had 'em crying in their beer Saturday night when I sang Galway Bay. By the time I finished Danny Boy, even the beer was crying! The crowd at LN roared, "Take the high road!" I left, flushed with such a send off, and a little Irish Whiskey.

Saturday morning I tried to drive the Mojave Green from the desert, by walking in the buff at sunrise, with my coffee cup in one hand and a shalalee in the other. I will have to wait to assess how effective I was with the snakes, but I noticed the other campers immediately loading up their stuff and driving away.

Whose biohazard suit's hanging in the corner?



posted on Mar, 21 2007 @ 08:46 PM
link   
Oh don’t mind that biohazard suit hanging in the corner; it’s E-B’s! He heard me say I was gonna pinch everybody not wearing green, so he took it off and got in line
He’s crazy like that. *Whispers to desert* Ya know he just came from his sisters wedding wearing that awful thing…can you believe that?

I heard you brought the house down! What did you do with all that spam? Oh Danny Boy…that’s one of my favorites! Hopefully I can get in here without any trouble come Friday Night! I don’t want to miss that duet we wanted to sing together. After the parties over, we can rob the place, and hop in my convertible…tour the countryside like Thelma and Louise. I get to be Louise…Oh wait…It was Thelma that got Brad Pit wasn’t it? Oh well, it doesn’t really matter, I’m mad at him anyway
Dumping on poor Jen like that…My goodness… what gets into these movie stars?

You went buff at sunrise…. drinking coffee…that’s funny. The last time I went buff in public, it was at night, and I wasn’t drinking coffee!

What are you drinking? That looks good.........



posted on Mar, 21 2007 @ 09:18 PM
link   
Are you talkin to me? Oh, Hi jen... It's a pint of Alien ale made up in Durango or Salida. It's very tasty with some special ingredients that make my ears ring like a 5 dollar high hat. And not only that but after a couple of these babys; if you walk around in the buff you [or I] might be confused with the late great Edward Abby. Famous for his nightly juants in the NM and AZ deserts, nekkid as the day he was borned. I knew him slightly as I was friends with his best friend and I know It's not nice to speak ill of the dead but he was one mean, talented SOB.

I always like to make St. Patty day resoulutions; completely away from my new years resoulutions. The remainder of this year Im gonna quit throwing the finger; unless I have a real good reason. I may take it up again next year, but it's just to early to tell. Maybe during the elections.
And I'm going on the grapfruit diet too.
Speaking of Grapfruit....

I ran into Bobby the other day and he had a new set of glue on nails that glowed in the dark. Is this something new?

Carlos, may I have another Alien and If I start to act funny; take me out to my van and duct tape my Hands to the steering wheel.

Animal planet is about to come on, could we watch the dog show? Eukanuba is great dog food for your information. Oh no, Im gettin a funny feeling already, Carlos...............



posted on Mar, 26 2007 @ 10:04 PM
link   
Evening, All.
Ahhhh.... these bar stools fit my stern like a snug harbor.

Glow in the dark nails. Fun under blacklight, too. That Bobby's one heck of a fun person! One problem, though. You have to be carefull where you put a finger in the dark, as no matter how discreetly you try, the nail gives the location away.

Edward Abby...Edward Abby...oh, yes, I visited it last time I was in Britain. Haunted, I believe. By The Monkey Wrench Gang they say.

Well, who's the new member with the big head sitting in the dark at the end of the bar, guzzling the Alien? He's staring at me with those huge eyes. Ooh, it's like I can read his thoughts...oh, you followed Jen here...you need duct tape??...to fix...your..ship?....no, I don't date "little green men"...you want to see if Bobby has six glow nails for you, three for each hand?...

Bartender...I think I need an Alien...no, you stay there and wait for Bobby...



posted on Mar, 27 2007 @ 07:05 AM
link   
Yes, Whaaa, *Flutter’s eye lashes* I was talking to you
That sounds like a man’s drink. I don’t want my ears ringing anymore than they already do! They’ve been ringing every since I went to Alaska, I guess I went to near that HAARP facility. I only wanted a picture, but now I have humming in my ears, and a snap shot! All this ringing, well, it makes me think someone’s talking about me all the time. No, I better stick to my high fluting cocktails. Can I get a Mint Julep please?

"Hey… *ouch*…who pinched me?
What??"
Who cares if I'm not wearing green?
No… I will not fornicate with you!
Yes, I am an earthling, and how did you teleport that into my head?
Well, excuse me!!
Yeah…. that’s right!! I thought it!! And keep your nasty, green, clammy fingers off me."

I swear these darn-three fingered aliens really have some nerve….

What happened to the lights? Oh, I bet one of those dang weather balloons hit a transformer again. Desert, can I borrow your glow in the dark nails? Desert!?!?!
Get your hand off of that! Whaaa!?!?
Why do you let her get away with that stuff? And the whole time, you were playing footsies with me under the table! Come on you two… let’s go flip the breaker, so we can get back to making fun of that alien sitting at the bar. You think that’s E-B’s brother in-law? You do, really? Ewww, no wonder EB wore that biohazard suit to his sister’s wedding.

*Edit, to fix code




[edit on 3/27/2007 by jensouth31]



posted on Mar, 28 2007 @ 03:31 PM
link   
And now for something completely different.....

A customer enters a pet shop.

Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closin' for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I
purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's
wrong with it!
O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking
at one right now.
O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian
Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the cage)
'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if
you show...(owner hits the cage)
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
O: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up
in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues
stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this.
That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein'
tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why
did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
O: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit,
squire? Lovely plumage!
C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home,
and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in
the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down,
it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts
through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
O: No no! 'E's pining!
C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased
to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft
of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be
pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off
the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run
down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: I got a slug.
C: Pray, does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
C: Well.

(pause)

O: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
C: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.



posted on Mar, 30 2007 @ 04:38 PM
link   
Oops...didn't mean to hijack the thread....

What's up Lounge Noir people??




posted on Mar, 30 2007 @ 05:17 PM
link   

Originally posted by Excitable_Boy
Oops...didn't mean to hijack the thread....

What's up Lounge Noir people??




Hi, Jack who!


I'll be back in a little while.



posted on Mar, 30 2007 @ 11:20 PM
link   
Damn I wish I could curse on this site. Because I would. Sometime profanity is the only thing that will do.

Wow, just getting that out of my system helps but not much.

What I need now is....**it I don't even know what I need now.

Carlos, get out the fresh roll of duct tape; it's gonna get ugly!!



posted on Apr, 1 2007 @ 04:37 PM
link   
Wow…I think I’m getting my groove back on!

*Clears throat* Excuse me Whaaa, but what’s the duct tape for? That almost sounds naughty, but exciting at the same time


I better have a drink



posted on Apr, 1 2007 @ 06:38 PM
link   
Jen, groovin's good!!

The reason for my above tantrum was because someone tried to "harsh my groove" but it's all good now after giving myself a good talkin to.

Hey, maybe we could discuss my duct tape addiction over drinks and a pizza. Or taco's and 7ups or cherry pie and capachino or a bag of Fritos and a designer water.

Here, what are you drinkin, two more Carlos and some of those Cheetos.

Is that a dead bird down at the end of the bar or is he jus sleepin?

[edit on 1-4-2007 by whaaa]



posted on Apr, 1 2007 @ 07:17 PM
link   
Excuse me there squire, I don't mean to butt in on you and the bird. But I noticed you mentioned the other bird at the end of the bar. It's not dead ya see....it's just restin'. It's a Norwegian Blue...beautiful plumage.

It likes a few beak fulls of Guiness and then it likes to take what one might call a "nap." Lovely bird really the Norwegian Blue...beautiful plumage.



posted on Apr, 1 2007 @ 08:07 PM
link   
Duct tape addictions can lead to real problems, especially with all the color selections they have now days. Yeah, maybe we better talk about this over a beer and pizza. I’d like to hear your duct tape ideas whaaa….
There’s quite an extensive list of things to discuss about duct tape here, including how to fix a run in a woman’s panty hose I think I have a run in my hose, whaaa...should we fix it?

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?


[edit on 4/1/2007 by jensouth31]



posted on Apr, 1 2007 @ 08:20 PM
link   
Jen, I gotta hand it to ya! You know how to get a fellers fantasy engine overheating and almost to the point blowing of a heater hose.

Oh my, garter belts, stockings, duct tape...God help me!!




top topics



 
17
<< 20  21  22    24  25  26 >>

log in

join