It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.


Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.


So when does the chit-chat start? Right now!

page: 18
<< 15  16  17    19  20  21 >>

log in


posted on Nov, 15 2006 @ 04:51 PM

E_B, if you go across the patio, you'll find the path to the golf course. I don't remember who designed it, but it is world class.

Thanks....*gets into a golf cart and heads to the first tee thinking: "these peoples is all crazy"*

Let's see: par 4....380 yards....looks pretty straight and wide.....might as well pull out the driver.


Oh damn....that's a bad slice...FORE! FORE!

Can you say Mulligan? This is a free Mulligan forum isn't it? *he asks as he lights a Punch Churchill*

posted on Nov, 15 2006 @ 08:04 PM
Hmmmmm, Unreal, I don't remember the ducks on the golf course. Perhaps that was the day Phat was the bartender and served his special Mai Tai's.

Punch Churchill, indeed, E_B! Mas fina! I didn't realize the LN humidor kept those in stock. You can see how this is a classy joint.

MrP, is LN going to be open Thanksgiving Day? Wait, oh, duh!, of course it is...if it were to close for that holiday, then it probably would have to be closed everyday for every holiday around the it's better that it's open everyday. OK, anyway, I was just thinking that I won't be in the neighborhood for a few days then, so I can't visit LN anyway...

posted on Nov, 16 2006 @ 07:47 AM
Ahhhh...the hell with the Mulligan. I found my ball in the parking lot. it's on the roof of a Lexus know....the little one. *climbs on the roof of the Lexus*

Can I get a drop on this? Ahhhhh the hell with it. I'm going to play it right from here. Just need to get it in the fairway. *grabs a 7 iron and gives it a good wack...clearing some trees it plunks down in the fairway only about 120 yards from the green....of course while setting off the alarm of the Lexus*

Boy that alarm is obnoxious. I hope the owner doesn't mind that divet I left on the roof of the SUV. will he ever notice? *laughs hysetrically as he heads to the fairway still puffing on that big stogey*

Well....if I can get this close, I can save par. *takes a big gulp of his Mountain Dew*

*Okay....cinderella story....he's looking at about 130 yards to the pin. He pulls out his 9 iron and then thinks's a bit downhill..a good whack with the pitching wedge should do it. He sets his feet just right...lines up and WHACK.....boy that looks good.....*

IT'S IN THE HOLE! IN THE HOLE! Now that's how you birdie from the parking lot baby. Hey..who's this driving over in the golf cart?

"Excuse me sir....just to let you know...that ball in the parking lot was out of bounds!"

"Who the frig are you?"

"I'm one of the groundskeepers"

"That's nice" *SMACK.....knocks him out cold*

Okay then...time to get my ball and head to the second tee.................

posted on Nov, 16 2006 @ 08:26 PM
I'm sure the guy in the golf cart was from another thread, as the golf course at LN has no out of bounds. Re the Lexus divet: next time this occurs, go to the closet at the clubhouse where you'll find a can of Autodivet Repair. It's not for automatic repair of divets; it's a can you can leave on the car, so the owner can use the contents to bump out and buff over any divet. Such a nice gesture from us.

Oh, I noticed your location. You'll be pleased to know that there is a vortex on the golf course, where every play is a hole-in-one.

posted on Nov, 16 2006 @ 10:00 PM
Has anyone seen my old Dad? The grounds keeper? Odd I haven't seen him for some time. He was supposed to whittle me a couple hundred tees.

Ever have a day so bad that if it ended with getting a mugshot it would be an improvement?

posted on Nov, 19 2006 @ 12:43 PM

Oh, I noticed your location. You'll be pleased to know that there is a vortex on the golf course, where every play is a hole-in-one.

Well that takes the fun out of it doesn't it! *gets in the golf cart and heads back to the clubhouse....enters the lounge and orders a Mountain Dew and a hot dog*

While at my table, I notice a briefcase under the table. I try to open it but it's locked, so I try 000 to open it and that doesn't work. Then I try 123 and sure enough, it opens. Inside, is a lot of cash. A LOT of cash. It's in stacks of $10,000 and there's 100 stacks. That's one million dollars baby.

I close the briefcase, woof the rest of my hotdog and head out the door. I get in my car, re-light my stogie and hit the road. That's a lot of loochie. When I get home, I'll put it in the safe until I figure out a plan. The questions is, do I tell the wife about this?

posted on Nov, 19 2006 @ 09:04 PM
E_B, use the Magic 8 Ball at the end of the bar to find an answer to your question.

Say, Whaaa, don't suppose there are any New Mexican wild turkeys you could rustle up for the LN Thanksgiving buffet? I'll bet if you throw it into one of those dust devils, it will come out plucked and ready to cook.

Distressing, quite distressing, MrP, about your old Dad. He also kept up the topiary around here, if my memory serves me. So I hope you hear from him, before the swan turns into an ugly duckling.

Let's see...Tom & Jerry...I'll have the first one by the fire...the next one in the hot tub...

posted on Nov, 20 2006 @ 03:58 PM
Huh, Tom and Jerry in the hot tub?

Well anyway, that 8 ball sure has steered me in the right direction a number of times, especially when it came to problems with money, the law or exwives.

And you know, a good twister is really never around when you need one to defeather a turkey. But what do you think of this method i just came up with? How about you just throw the bird in the clothes dryer with a couple chunks of cinder block and turn it on HIgh. The cinder blocks will knock off the feathers, tenderize the bird and with the dryer on high, give it a little precookin before you throw it in the deep fryer. Thanksgiving is such a wonderful time to settle old scores with the inlaws and the morons that pass for family. The holidays are such a great time to gather your loved one around you and tell them how much you love them and if they don't pay you back that loan; you might have to kill them.

Christmas will be on us before we know it and then the real fun begins, huh?

E_B, put that wedge back in the bag and tell the man you're sorry.

I think I'll go join Tom, Jerry and Desert in the hottub.

posted on Nov, 20 2006 @ 05:06 PM

E_B, put that wedge back in the bag and tell the man you're sorry.

Ha? What? I can't hear you. Must be a bad signal on my cell phone. Can you hear me now????

The man? What if it's a woman that owns the SUV? What are you some kind of male chauvinist pig? And I ain't saying sorry to no one! I have a million dollars in cash.

Oh crap! I'm being pulled over....what's this world coming to when you can't even drive over 100 on a deserted desert road. Deserted desert? Does that make sense?

Officer: Pilot's license please!
Me: Pilot's license? Oh...I get it...I was driving rather fast. I have my driver's license and registration right here sir!!

So there he goes back to his car.....going to make me sit here forever...

*ten minutes later*

Officer: Step out of the vehicle please....
Me: Ha? What for? Just write me a ticket and I'll be on my way.....
Officer: Step out of the vehicle or I'll be forced to shoot you for attempted murder of a police officer....
Me: What? Are you crazy or something? Wait a want my money don't you! How did you even know about the money? Well....that ain't happening.........

*I floor it and leave the officer eating my dust....*

Whaaa, what did you do man? Did you call the cops on me? Because I didn't apologize to the owner of the SUV? This isn't over, I'm gonna *beep* Hello? Hello? Damn dropped call.........

[edit on 20-11-2006 by Excitable_Boy]

posted on Nov, 20 2006 @ 08:23 PM
E_B, I aint no stinkin squeeler. I'm on parole as it is; you think I'm gonna wanna draw anymore attention to myself than nessasary. Not hardly!
Lord knows that I'm not one to point fingers, but how many Mt. Dews have you had today. That stuff will twist you up like a string on a five dollar banjo. Makes meth look like Xmas candy.

Anyway, drive safely!!

posted on Nov, 20 2006 @ 11:06 PM
OMG! Look at the tv! There's someone flying across the desert, ala O.J. Simpson!

I warned you guys a while back about MtDew, but did you pay attention?...Nooooooo...

Turkey in the dryer? I thought it a lovely idea, until I remembered the time I tried to dry the feather pillows in there, after washing them in the washer. Trust me, don't ever do that. A road kill bird would have looked better and left the machines cleaner.

posted on Nov, 24 2006 @ 12:46 AM
Speaking of road kill...I just hate it when I hit small animals or even large animals and birds when I drive. Down in East Texas, it's deemed great sport to smash armadillos and at times it's hard to avoid them as they seem to be everywhere. I read somewhere that the only other animal besides man to get cancer was the armidillo. Well we all know that BS, huh! Thanksgivings almost over and Im not in a holding cell awaiting arraingnment; Im verrrry thankful for that, so the next round is on me.

Peace my brothers and sisters!!

posted on Nov, 24 2006 @ 12:47 AM
That was weired. Usually I know when I double post. Not this time.

ah, well....

[edit on 24-11-2006 by whaaa]

posted on Nov, 24 2006 @ 02:34 PM
As far as the Mountain Dew is concerned, I don't have a problem. I can quit anytime. And Whaaa, I know you ratted me out man. You're trying to get a pardon from George Bush by ratting me out to the Arizona Highway Patrol.

Well...I'm on the lamb now. No telling where I could be. I had to miss Thanksgiving dinner with my family thanks to you pal. I hope you are happy! I might have to contact my alien grey friends and have them hole me up on one of their planets for a while. Maybe for fun, I'll have them abduct ConstantlyWondering and give him an anal probe!!

BTW...Whaaa, who is that in the black Cadillac that has been following me for the last 100 miles or so? I suppose it could have something to do with the million in cash I found.....someone must be missing that loochie!

If the Highway Patrol comes to visit Whaaa, do me a favor and don't tell them I'm in Vegas. What ever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.....But I'm not really in Vegas, just trying to throw you off because I know you have a direct line to the FBI, CIA, NSA, White House, Pentagon, Donald Rumsfeld, NAACP, Martha Stewart, Richard Simmons, Paris Hilton, The International Banking Cabal, Italian Mafia, Irish Mafia, Russian Mafia, French Mafia, Jewish Mafia, Vatican, Benny Hinn, Oprah, Saddham Hussein, Osama Bin Laden, Pee Wee Herman, Louis Farrakhan, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, etc.....just to name a few!

Ooo my...there's a female hitch-hiker that's looking mighty fine and leggy. But if I stop...that Cadillac will catch me...but it would have caught me by now if it wanted to. Oh hell....I'll pull over.......

posted on Nov, 29 2006 @ 11:01 PM
Benny Hinn, now there's a piece of work! Or is it Benny Hill, I get them mixed up.
I love TV preachers and watch them all the time, but you know what; it's just not the same with out Jim and Tammy Baker. American culture at its finest except for Yo Yo Ma. Actually I just like to say yo yo ma. I don't particuallry care for the chelo. I find that TV religion is much like the WWF.

Barkeep get a Mt Dew for e_b and an Ice tea for me. And if anyone else wants anything just put it on MrPs tab.

So what were you saying about the lady hitch hiker? Im all ears. Actually I do have other parts of my body but Ill leave the discriptions up to my ex as the "queen of Pain" always knew how to build up my ego. Im being sarcastic as I'm sure you noticed.

Here's our drinks, skol.

posted on Nov, 30 2006 @ 07:01 AM
"Queen of Pain." I had me one of them. Never married her though...THANK THE LORD! I had me some self-esteem issues in those days.

Benny Hinn is a riot. Even funnier than Benny Hill and much nicer hair. I think they should use the Benny Hill theme song on Benny Hinn's show.
"And here he is...Benny Hinn..." *and in the background: da na na nana da da na na nana da da na na nana nana na...etc* Maybe they could bring back the old bald guy for Benny Hinn to slap around. But, of course, he's dead. But maybe they could dig up his corpse and Benny could slap that around. In a fight between Benny Hinn and a corpse, I'd have to bet on the corpse. That Benny Hinn is a bit of a girly-man.

But..back to the hitch-hiker. If you are so interested in her, why don't you talk to her yourself? Who do you think is sitting next to me here at the bar? She's the one in the way too short cut-off shorts with the belly shirt with no bra. You'll get a kick out of this too: her name is Daisy.

Daisy, meet Whaaa....he's the guy that ratted me out to the Arizona Highway Patrol. I'd still like to know who's out there waiting in that Cadillac in the parking lot. Oh and Whaaa, keep your hands off my briefs....I mean my briefcase!!

posted on Nov, 30 2006 @ 10:17 PM
MrP's tab?...Great! I'll have that $1000 bottle of wine over there. Oh, it's only $10.00...that's ok, just erase that decimal point and put $1000 on the tab...after all, this is a classy joint.

Oy vay, that Christmas pageant! Next year I'm recommending they just buy a huge lcd tv and rent The Nativity Story. Now someone says we should just use a doll for the baby Jesus! What's next...a log of cheese as Lucy snuck aboard the plane in I Love Lucy? Hmmmmm, actually not a bad idea. It could be served at the buffet afterwards.

Ah...E_B and Whaaa deep in conversation. With a young miss. Oh, look, they're having her stand on the ladder to put the star on the top of the Christmas tree. How nice. Hey, guys, move the ladder a little closer so she doesn't have to bend over so far.

posted on Dec, 1 2006 @ 05:59 AM
Desert...what's up dude? Let us enjoy a little fun with daisy here. It's not like she's wearing a skirt or anything. Hey you have a skirt in that suitcase of yours? You do? Then why don't you go change honey?

So Desert, how's that wine? What a Kodak moment this is. I'm starting to get into the Chrsitmas spirit man...what with the pageant on and all....and Daisy trimming that tree. She's a good trimmer.

Daisy: How's this?

Well...that looks more like a handkerchief, but I guess it will have to do. Any objections guys? You should really wear underpants with that thing though, but that'sup to you honey! I think you'll still need to adjust that tree topper. Better climb back up that ladder. I'll order you another Cosmopolitan.

Barkeep...another Cosmo for the lady.....and put it on Desert's tab....

posted on Dec, 1 2006 @ 11:03 AM
E_B, Desert is a dudette and rides a camel and trains monkeys.

posted on Dec, 1 2006 @ 03:25 PM
desert is also apparently trying to stiff me for a 10 buck bottle of vino.

That's fine...camel steaks anyone?

<< 15  16  17    19  20  21 >>

log in