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Humans are not used for Food!

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posted on Apr, 16 2006 @ 11:08 PM
Look, Human meat tastes putrid to us. But some races favor Human Pate.
We prefer to use you for High Fashion and utilitarian purposes. human skin is much sought after by those seeking the perfect accessories for their ensemble.
Your skin goes into the creation of Handbags, stylish Hats, fashionable armor personalization and holsters.
You should realise that as a commodity you are valued and we only take a few stray humans periodically to maintain demand in our marketplace.
It would be pointless to swamp the market, so rest assured that the chance of you being taken is as likely as being hit twice in the same place by an Arkon blaster at a thousand of your Earth metres.

People of Earth (M3 type) rejoice in the knowledge that you are now a valued commercial trading asset recognised on Ursa Minor.

As we say, You can't make an Arklawdian Wallet out of a human ear but it does make a nice Pachancy Holder

Live long....Grow Fat .... Make more skin!

[edit on 16-4-2006 by Pleiadian Recon]

[edit on 16-4-2006 by Pleiadian Recon]


[edit on 16-4-2006 by kinglizard]

posted on Apr, 16 2006 @ 11:28 PM
Bahaha, I didn't know you could get internet connection up there.

posted on Apr, 16 2006 @ 11:35 PM
But of course we can.

We invented it and allowed your simple race to attach to the periphery of it.

We love to know that our influence is integrating into your lives.

Our clients prefer sweeter tasting Human Pate. Who do you think started the integration and increases in the sugar content of your foods back in what you call the 1970s?

The meat is sweeter and the fat makes you easier to peel.

Live long....Grow fat.... Make more skin!

[edit on 16-4-2006 by Pleiadian Recon]

posted on Apr, 16 2006 @ 11:43 PM
So is that you in your picture? Sure are good looking, bet you get all the ladys?

posted on Apr, 16 2006 @ 11:45 PM
There is nothing more hilarious than someone pretending to be an alien...

That said, there are plenty of religious and mythological texts that point to the possibility that aliens ate people. I've heard the theory that the whole reason behind the "Great Flood" was the fact that certain aliens were eating humans and that this had to be stopped, thus the flood.

posted on Apr, 16 2006 @ 11:47 PM

tom cruise needs to come out of the closet.

posted on Apr, 16 2006 @ 11:55 PM
You obviously refer to the reproductive female of your species.

As for "getting all the ladies" that is pointless. You obviously presume that all other races replicate in the same way.

Have you never taken a close look at how ridiculous your mating ritual is? We find it extremely humorous to witness.

No "sweet" and intellectually inferior human we are more effective when it is time to replicate our race.

I am Pleiadian Recon of d7189/sub[q6alpha]biped comm

May I ask your sub group lineage?

posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 12:26 AM
It is rare for me to attempt to communicate at base level with a potential food source. I assume that you experience the same difficulty in extending your intentions to a fish or chicken.

For open communication to occur it is imperative that I know your sub group cognitive factors.

Are you air breathing composite biped humanoid (graft DD6), Water dweller mammal (intervention A6 beta) or simple human (0.1 restricted intellect)

Information is imperative for communication in adjustment for common experience reference. For example if you were asked to comprehend infinity in less than three words it would be like asking one of your ants to describe your "Star Wars" visual entertainment in less than 10,000 chemical markers.

So please, prior to attempting open communication refer to your DNA sub categories and quantum tags on the first line of your text.

Thank you

posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 01:02 AM

Originally posted by Pleiadian Recon

Humans are Not used for Food!
Look, Human meat tastes putrid to us. But some races favor Human Pate.

To the contrary, I prefer a good Soylent Green Burger anytime!

[edit on 4/17/2006 by Mechanic 32]

posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 01:11 AM

posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 01:54 AM
We would like to thank you for the the data on food preparation. It is true that we enjoy Grey when on the menu. Our replicators have a limited range of preparation criteria and our data technician is uploaded the broad list of data you supplied.

By way of our appreciation and mutual exchange we would like to offer you some recipes from our Galacticnet that we found for you.

As you are limited in biped availablity we have limited the scope to human bipeds. We have tried to translate into simple terms that you may understand.

How to prepare a delta biped hybrid.

1] It is easiest to peel an M3 biped before further preparation. The skin can be lose and elastic especially in the larger variants.

2] The best way to peel is to plunge the entire carcass into boiling Offagic oil (we believe that your Olive oil boils at the same temperature) Boil for 10 skraons (about 5 earth minutes)

3] Boiling softens the fat tissue and it is now easier to peel.

4] Once peeled place the hide to one side for removal of fur and unecessary parts. (Do not dispose of the irregular areas as these are favored by many as an appetiser)

5] There are many ways to prepare the meal but we felt that initial preparation would be important for you.

We would like to share some of our clients favored recipes with you.

We realise that many ingredients will be difficult for you to acquire for the next twelve of your centuries but if we can assist you in any way please send your request to:

Trillian Elite Enterprises (Recon Division)
FDT 918 - (Sector D67a Z)
Alcyone Quadrant

Oh, please be sure to have your Galactic Express Credit Film available.

We hope that you can access these with your subspace uplink card in operation. We appologise but there appears to be a mild overload on the system limiting upload time to the hub to .00006 microseconds and we apologize for this. We are experiencing communication delays of up to 0.05 of your earth seconds when communicating with Alcyone. Sorry

These links will guide you to Gourmet Guides across the entire Universe.
gccg (Galactic Common Communication Grid)
igl (stands for Intergallactic web - but you already knew that)







(How to dine like a Quilane Prince for 3 zargons a day)

and our favorite


So on behalf of my crew and us

Bon Appetite!


[edit on 17-4-2006 by Pleiadian Recon]

posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 01:58 AM
Pleiadian Recon of d7189/sub[q6alpha]biped comm I believe you are wrong about how the Human race is completely protected as a commodity. My sources indicate that more advanced species have used humans for profit with out the notice of your species.

For example there is evidence that much of the goverment spy equipment is left over from when another alien species was using the human race as entertainment after a contest to find the universes stranagest nongalactic species. There is also evidence that it was canceled because of one of the Alien leaders vommiting out his left lung after listening to a speech by an old guy in a white robe who was standing before a bunch of people in rags. There is also evidence that it had to be severly censored and cut into several shows before the company producing it went bankrupt.

But the film equipment was left behind meaning that another species may try the same thing and get past your species again.

posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 02:24 AM
Dear virtually inedible bipeds,

Let us put aside your fears and concerns. Yes, there are those who enjoy feasting upon your kind. There are many Patrols in this sector as you are protected under the "Not for eating-Slightly interesting" Protocols.

Honestly, other than the highly restricted "Hunting for pelts" licensing you are, almost mostly, protected.

Of far greater interest to the Galactic Commission is the fact that you are about to blow yourselves up with Nuclear Weapons or release a virulent disease upon yourselves.

Subject to signing and ident scanning the Commission has granted us, at huge expense, (G95,000,000,000,000 uridium gormots) the right to image the event across the galaxy.

The profits will be immense and we will have the funds to purchase a luxury planetoid each.

So, little biped, you need not be concerned for we are protecting our asset well.

Kralon was just humorous......Kralon thinks you will cook yourselves and asks if Kralon can have the crispy bits. Kraylon is so funny sometimes.

Anyway, enjoy your strange mating rituals while you can for tomorrow you may FRY! Sorry, that was my little joke!

Til next time frail intellectually suicidal biped.


posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 02:57 AM
Vomiting up your left lung is a perfectly acceptable comment on an inter species meeting.

It is in fact a formal greeting required on some planets, the inability to do so is seen as the ultimate insult and results in immediate transportation to Fayton Nebula where the insulter is fed to Zarkrayen Mind Worms.

Zarkrayen Mind Worms

Known to be the most excruciating way to end your life. First discovered by Tryl the Absorber who in the YEN/Trigillium War happened to crash land on Zeta 3G in the Fayton Belt.
Those who survived the impact one by one were taken over by the worms which slowly fed on their minds. They were made to slowly eat themselves, and each other, and conduct strange practices with Pyrinium Bugle Tuboids.
Death usually resulted in three Star revolutions after the victim finally ate off their last remaining appendage. The only survivor was Tryl the Absorber himself who was saved in the nick of time before he ate the last of his tentacle.
Though his mind was virtually gone he accummulated a vast fortune by granting the Galactic Federation access to the Planet as the nastiest place to send offenders.
Historical note: Tryl the Absorber finally met his demise when he attempted to catch a young Sentibim Crested Nutpecker. The chick's Mother descended and landed on him crushing him.
His remains can be seen at the Arcturan Museum of Interesting Intergalactic Artifacts where he is on display as an entrance carpet.


[edit on 17-4-2006 by Pleiadian Recon]

posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 06:56 AM
Hey alien guy,

You are one ugly mofo.

'Nuff said,

Try to make a wallet out of me you'll be wishin' your Necromansicalinmaco father from Planet Oz didn't meet your Wassikianzaosumn mother from planet Whatsyamacallit.


[edit on 17-4-2006 by nazgarn]

posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 08:27 AM
Hmmm....Apparently the Internet connection in ward "C" is no longer being monitored.


posted on Apr, 17 2006 @ 02:18 PM
Dear self destructive bipeds,

We have been notified of your rudimentary efforts to connect to the Galactic Net.

We cannot understand why such a simple task defeats you. An epsilon newborn could do it in a with its eyes in a cleanser.

Ok, back to basics. You turn on your computer, attach the uplink relay (thats the one with the shiney cord) to the Quasar matrix on the board.
Now, synchronize the media sub-link to the Laser uplink (Yes that is the one with Phoma Linguistics compensator on it)

Start the computer and when instructed align the dish to Sector alpha sigma 7. We suggest an initial setting of 100,000 terrabytes per second, as you understand time measurement.

Switch on your relay station and hit the "Green" button.

It really is so simple that we cannot begin to understand the difficulties you are experiencing.


PR See you on the uplink

[edit on 17-4-2006 by Pleiadian Recon]

posted on Apr, 18 2006 @ 10:09 PM
Ok, back to basics. You turn on your computer, attach the uplink relay (thats the one with the shiney cord) to the Quasar matrix on the board.
Now, synchronize the media sub-link to the Laser uplink (Yes that is the one with Phoma Linguistics compensator on it)

Start the computer and when instructed align the dish to Sector alpha sigma 7. We suggest an initial setting of 100,000 terrabytes per second, as you understand time measurement.

Switch on your relay station and hit the "Green" button.

The main problem that this species is having is that none of our computers come with a green button although some people have managed to get the other supplies from former government employes but the main problem is the final step and the preperations for it. We cant find a green button that we can add to the computer. We Homo-Sapiens would appreciate it if you could tell us where to get a green button because as I said our computers are missing one.

posted on Apr, 19 2006 @ 03:39 AM
Any worthy Comm link store will have these basic uplinks.

A Quanderan Quasar 6.0.1 will suffice for the level of rudimentary communication you will be intellectually capable of and has an in-built translator for your simple mammalian linguistics.

They cost a mere 6,500 Latinum torpexs so are extremely affordable.

The green button is standard on all galactic net setups and serves as little more than the on/off button for the uplink.

Do you think you can manage it now?

Great Gorbord the Great !!!!! :shk:

Even Dolphins grasped the concept easier than these land based hybrids !!!!


.................. COMMUNICATION ENDS.....................

posted on Apr, 20 2006 @ 06:22 PM
I could manage it there are just a few technical problems in the way.

The first is that all my families money is in US dollars. Which I find to be dumb becuase it value is droping.

The second problem is that the government will most likely put a high tariff on the equipment since it would have to be imported since for some reason the government dosent allow the production of them in this country only the buying and selling.

The third and most important problem is that the only Comm link store in the neighborhood is only open Monday - Friday 8 am - 2 pm. I cant go get them because I am required by a bunch of morons to go to school when the president cant even pronounce nuclear. My parents also refuse to take a day off of work to go to the Comm link store.

Unlike most Homo-sapiens I am able to understand the procedure the problems are all because of how the society system for this species is set up. My illogical parents also think that a computer that uses gigabytes is fast enough. With the help of a friend of mine I did manage to almost access it on a school computer ( not legally well at least not on this planet) but the computer broke about 10 seconds later before it got finished loading. Actually it caused the schools entire computer network to shut down because my friend hacked into the computer system to shut down the rest of the computers( the school i go to has it set up that the more computers that are on the slower all the computers work although I think that is standard for school computers) and use the entire network to hack into a satalite to access the galactic net. Unfortunately the loading process took more data space then the entire computer network had.

[edit on 20-4-2006 by Thegans]

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