Parody Cult Says World will End July 5th, 2006

years ago, I would have never believed that people would have killed themselves while waiting for a spaceship hidden by a comet to come and pick them up, but then Heaven's Gate happened.

One word of advise: Don't drink the Kool-Aid!

Originally posted by worldwatcher
Since its inception in 1953, Church founder J.R. "Bob" Dobbs has predicted that a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the SubGenius, while all ordained SubGenius ministers will be rescued by escape vessels piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists.

correct me if im wrong, a race of horny aliens is gonna pay a visit in the coming months to destroy mankind? what gives? that makes for a good simpsons episode but, worldwatcher dont believe crazy people like those cults with their crazy ideas... there never right.

Note to self: Self, please remember to reschedule vacation for early July. So as to use up my available time before Apocalypse-This Year.

i think its a load of rubbish,with the amount of presictions there is.

In college we used to read these books for their comedic value. They are not meant to be taken seriously and they are not a "church" per se. Although you could become a "minister" for $10 by filling out a form at the end of the books (before the internet was super popular 1995). I always got the impression they were somewhat of a cross between The Onion and National Lampoons. As an example there solution to world poverty was to move out of the desert, if you don't have any money or food what do you have to lose type thing. They are sarcastic and dark humor more than anything...._javascript:icon('')
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One question, do you think these alien sex godesses will be hawt?

They only have one band lined up for this? And they call themselves from Cleveland? fer shame

And here things had just started getting good from the Ides of March pole shift... hmmm

Originally posted by karby
hmm...im sorry. i tried to give this some sort of credibility, i really did. but i don't buy it.
cults say a lot of things, yet they can never seem to predict anything until after it happens.

a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the SubGenius, while all ordained SubGenius ministers will be rescued by escape vessels piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists.

flying saucers huh?...riiiiight..

yeah honestly. Wasn't that all supposed to happen for them bakc in like 1998? They were supposed to be rescued and whisked away. haha...

Originally posted by psyopswatcher
They only have one band lined up for this? And they call themselves from Cleveland? fer shame

And here things had just started getting good from the Ides of March pole shift... hmmm

Now just hold on there a munite Psyopswatcher. We subgeniuses are from all over the planet and we have been having end of the world celebrations since 1953.

And as for bands; I dont know what the subgeniuss in Cleavland are doing but here in Taos we plan on having 6 or 9 acts. I want to stress the word ACTS. Plus J. R. "Bob" Dobbs is scheduled for a Video conference via television. how bout a little SLacK! go SLacK go!!! Small bags of SlAck will be available for the general public for a "Love offering" of about $1.o9.
Arrive early, Stay Late!!

edit for a shameless plug; My band "Catfish Steven and the White, Male, Caucasians" will be celebrating the End of the World for the entire month of July at various beer and BBQ joints, up and down I-25.

[edit on 6-4-2006 by whaaa]

Do not doubt the The True Pipe.

Thank "Bob" that someone posted this. I would have felt silly if I missed the end of the world. Praise "Bob".

You can't stop Slack. An object at rest cannot be stopped.

Have unheard of wealth! (until the end of the world, of course)

Join the Church. Have Wealth Now! Learn the secrets to...

Spivontology
Funder Mentalism
Heelongation
Narcistem Closure
Fissurance
Empireality
Festoon Interest
Yuppsychosis
Pecuniantics
Laundromatics
Argentility
Looopwoormhooling
Njils-Eodentritics
Poxonomy
Trillitropics
Stakhanovitality
Quidiotics
Skimballing
Billed Patholojamming
Foecursed Spleengineering
SubWalletting
Randomania
Yentropy Yeneration
Maffic Resonance
Pyramidal Celling
Brassmucking
Staggerontics
Bundance Reiteration

...and many more.

Don't let the Z-ist Brain Hackers rob you of your Slack!

They're based out of Ohio?

Great, more nuts in this state.

(I was born and raised in Michigan though.)

The world will end on July 5th, 2006.

The end of the world will be immediately followed by a new world that looks an awful lot like the old world.

Praise "Bob"!

Arm of G

May I give a little testimonial as to the benifets of Fissurance and Quidiotics.

It's a bit embarrassing but I suffered from terminal flatuance and orbutting for most of my adult life. I was prepared to live a life of skorn and ridecule, but praise "B" I have been delivered. Saddly I must curtail my intake of the juice but as we say here in the land of Enchantment "Haga usted el favor de repetir"

Or how about June 6, 2006? (666)*



* Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Peace. K*

The world actually ended on Dec 31, 1999. Lets not forget that one.

Does that make us the posting dead???

[edit on 6-4-2006 by dgtempe]

Sing along with me now....

It's the end of the world as we know it....


Seriously, based on what I'm aware of, we probably have no more than 20 years to go. This is based on what I know, and a bit of speculation btw.

What are the plans for the sixth? Btw, the world is still in diapers (one can judge that by most of it's humanly inhabitants) and it has eternal plans in the making. It's just gonna get some cosmetic work done to it here in the not so distant future.

Praise Bob!

Okay... the "cliff notes" version for those of you who have no clue what's going on here:

The Church of the Subgenius is a parody religion that started here in good old Dallas, Texas (yeehaw!) en.wikipedia.org...

It's a joke. A parody.

They're parodying the UFO cults and the "end of the world" groups.

Im going to join. Im taking myself way too seriously lately anyway. All my old friends in AA are dead so WTF?
Its the end of the word as we know it and I feel fine.