The Neverending Story

...sex in your bed with...

....the typical poor results.....

when you try and get lucky with bigfoots girlfriend.

Suddenly! a peculiar occurance happened....

.....Big Foot took off his "head".....and was, in fact, Dick Cheney!
Worse than that, from inside the Bigfoot suit, he proceeded to produce a 12 gauge shotgun. Things were looking "hairy" in more ways than one....

Dick Cheney pulled the trigger, but the lovers managed to jump out of the way in time. The bullet crashed through the window, hitting the prime minister of Australia, whom happened to be passing at the time.

Australia was furious. In retaliation, Australia.....

...decided to punish the U.S. by sending them ridiculous television episodes featuring a moronic Australian buffoon doing stupid things with "crocs", "roos", "wallabies" and "pois'nus blackbellied snakes". The Australians were quite surprised when the plan backfired and the show became wildly popular in the United States and Finland. They decided to...

omg im watching that right now! .......to melt the polar icecaps to plunge Australia into the sea.

However, more obviously, their plan, didnt go to plan.

In a desperate attempt to save the human race they placed hundreds of people, and several monkey butlers, on rockets, and set off to.....

...Planet X, where they discovered that due to their spaceship travelling near the speed of light and entering a wormhole, they arrived on the plant 3000 years after they first arrived the first time 3000 years before, and the planet was inhabited with their half monkey butler/half man descendants who worshipped them as Adams and Chimpeves. The time-space contradiction caused by this, combined with the knowledge that they had for some reason bred with the monkeys on the ship caused their heads to explode. The natives of the planet...

.....laughed at their pitiful heads of tinyness and shame......."oh how we laugh at you", they retorted.

However! In their arrogance they had forgotten about the temporal paradox.......

...whereby when their ancestors perished without having bred together yet, they themselves ceased to exist in time and promptly popped out of existence wth a short, fart-like sound. A Cylon Battlecruiser on its way to destroy Earth destroyed the planet for kicks, took some happy snaps, and proceeded to...

....scroll through the television channels...click,click,...."257 channels and nothin's on, sheesh."...bored, he flips on the atomomergalator fragapan and instantly....

it stopped working. *Ohhh!* The townspeople were nervous. One of the Moderators was about. They started boarding up their windows, and doors. And ultimately, by no sheer coincidence, the Moderator had fled.

But they were still worried. Their founding father, Xeros was missing once again. They thought of sending out a search party, but instead they threw a party! Knowing that this would surely draw their Leader back!

"Hey....HEY!!....can I get a pour over here?"
Disgusted at himself for attending what was probably the lamest party ever, NotClever sipped his merlot; savoring the oaky aftertaste and pausing only to spit chunks of cork onto the carpet.
"Stupid bartender..."

He scanned the crowd for DarkHelmet, desperate to point out the Cardinal sweep of Philadelphia in their opening series.

Then he saw her....across the room...tall, blond, her third eye artfully covered by a lock of hair. Sidling up to her, he whispered, "Is he here?"
Batting three eyelashes and feigning interest she croaked, "Yeah, in the men's room, getting his.....

shoes shined! A short while later, Mechanic crashed the party, and that's when the real partying started! He heard mumblings that Xeros was seen in the vicinity earlier, but no true confirmations had surfaced. The next morning..............

.....they found him. And inserted a tracking device in his bum......

[edit on 7-4-2006 by Shadow88]

....unfortunately, after two burritos with guacamole, 12 shots of peppermint schnappes, and a take-out of kung pao chicken the night before, the tracking device was quickly surrendered to the West Easthampshireburg water works. Very quickly. Now desperate for answers, Mechanic turns to.....

That annoying fat guy from aint it cool .com. realising the story is becoming boring he smites it, and hand each poster a lightsaber.....

[edit on 8-4-2006 by Shadow88]

But alas, they were all broken. So they reverted to their medievel skills in.....

...the sharpening of blunted swords, now having been developed into the art of lightshaft-weapon repair. Unfortunately, the said sabers were of the shoddy twin violet-black light variety, which had a habit of shooting the shaft all over to the opposite quadrant of the universe and burning holes in the ...

eyes of fools. Suddenly! God woke up! He had nodded off somewhere around 1066 and after having a nap, felt very refreshed and began armageddon!.........