posted on Mar, 29 2006 @ 12:11 AM
That's a really tough situation you're in. I can't tell you what to do, and nor can anyone but yourself. However, I can offer some things to ask
yourself that might aid you in making your decision.
First, we all have our problems. You do, I do, your boyfriend does, and your friend does as well. When you first start dating someone, or even seeing
someone you're interested in, you tend to be on your best behavior, trying to hide those problems from the relationship. It's usually not until
you've been seeing each other for over a year that all sides of a person's personality become apparent in that relationship. So, something to ask
yourself is, are you interested in this friend because when you compare who your boyfriend is today with who your friend is today, your friend seems
perfect in comparison. If so, be careful, because that will change. He has skeletons in his closet, too.
Another thing to consider is the fighting. Could this fighting be caused by your boyfriend feeling threatened by your friend (even if he doesn't know
you have a friend you're emotionally invested in, guys can sense the distance that wasn't there before the other gentleman came along)?
Also, you need to identify what it is that you're bringing to the table that is causing these fights, too. Most of the time, fighting in
relationships is not one sided, both sides are contributing to the angst taking place. This you should do if you decide to stay with your boyfriend or
not; it could help you to fix your current relationship. It could also potentially contribute to another relationship degrading into the fighting
cycle that you're currently in. This isn't to say that all of the responsibility is on you, but by taking responsibility for things you may be
doing, it will only serve to strengthen any future relationships you have.
I would also suggest two books for you to read. Actually, for everyone to read but hey... The first is Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It
addresses in detail some of the common misunderstandings couples have, how they often play out, and solutions to them. It is often these
misunderstandings that cause the arguments we find ourselves in because men and women think, act and perceive differently. Though the book is very
hyped, there is a reason for it, and when I read it it really changed my perspective on where a woman is coming from in some actions that, were I to
do them, would mean something totally different.
The other book is called Wild at Heart. It has a religious theme behind it, but that book captures the heart of a man better than any I have ever
read. It really breaks down men's personalities, drives, and actions, helping them to understand themselves better, and helping women to understand
why men behave in ways that seem so alien.
I hope this helps; I really feel your pain. I've been in all three stations you mentioned, being the one in a breaking relationship reaching out to
others, being the one whose significant other is reaching out to others for emotional fulfillment, and being the friend who's there for the person
but also has romantic inclinations of my own with them. All three are very difficult situations to be in, and sometimes getting outside help and
advise can be very helpful. If there's anything else I can do to help, let me know, and if you just want to talk about it, concerns, etc. with
someone far removed from the situation whom you'll probably never interact with in real life, feel free to send me a U2U.