First off, i'm new, well new to posting, I've been reading silently for over a year, I've seen alot come and go on here. This is an awesome board
and i reccomend it everyone i meet who engages me in intellectual debate. I don't have much to say though, so i tend to keep my mouth shut.
I'd like to start, since this is the introduction place, by introducing myself. I'm Edd, I'm 25, and I'm an everyday guy. I ride my motorcycle,
play with my dog, build things, and sometimes play cpu games. By trade i'm an ironworker and part time forklift driver. I started opening my mind
when I met a fellow named Brooks when i was 15. He talked alot of magic, and ufology, paranormal, etc. (basically everything on this board) But for
all intents and purposes he was a nut! One of those guys that swore we were being watched through our televisions. (no offense to anyone here who
shares similar beliefs with the aforementioned) He also looked at child pornography, and looking back on that, I'm glad we only met briefly.
It was at this point in my life I bought into the punk rock idea of hating "the system" and the "conspiracy" So I promptly shaved my hair into a
mohawk, picked up a guitar and started yelling nonsense lyrics to nonsense songs and drank away about 6 or so years of my life. I lived in a crappy
flop-house directly across the street and literally a stone's throw from Nellis AFB here in vegas. At night i started to sit on my roof and watch
the AF planes fly throughout the night while i listened to art bell on the AM, til i passed out in my bottle, or fell off the roof into the bushes. I
scanned the skies of north nevada for ufo's but to no avail. I waited for y2k and when nothing happened i fell off Art Bell and got on with life.
I'm over that. Maybe it was phase one of opening your mind, because now i realize that rebellion is garbage and a true revolution happens in your
head. I got my diplomat, went to college, and here i am. Bank account, marriage, credit, 401k, career, m-f, new car, new shoes, all the things i
swore i'd never give a care to have. There's the background, now here's my dilemna.
During the past year I've become increasingly disconcerted about everything. Our goverment, the world, life in general. I'm a conspiracy theorist,
but I can't buy into any single theory, there's just too many. On the most basic level I know in my gut that something
is going on.
Something big. I don't profess to know what it is though. I don't even have the slightest clue. I read that it's the Illuminati, the masons, the
Rothschilds, the Bush-laden's, the oil companies, the environmentalists, the greys, the reptilians, christians, muslims, and every number of grand
conspirators of grand scheme's being played about in grand fashion on a grand stage while I'm just part of the grand number of dull-witted unwitting
members of the grand audience. What i do know is that somehow the rich are rich, and the poor are poor, there is something wrong with this world, and
i'm in the middle. I'm not ungrateful, I constantly thank the shard of what i try to think might be a god, that i can live in a country where i can
work my job and have such a good life, when somewhere, others are poverty-stricken from birth. Yet I want more, more money, more possessions, and i
hate the fact that i want more. It's not fair that i should want this when the world is in the state it's in. I actually cried the night before my
wife and i bought our car(kinda pathetic) I cried because people are dying and i'm buying a new car. People without clean water, and i'm buying a
new car. It's not quite depression, well maybe i'm depressed about the world, but i wake up, go to work, happily drink a round with my friends at
the bar, chat with coworkers, I love my wife, my dog, and long motorcycle rides, etc. So it's not quite prozac-worthy depression. My point is that
I'm a skeptic, such a skeptic that the more i read, the more i don't
know. I like skepticoverlord's name, awesome choice, maybe other
people feel the same way as me.
I try to do small things that might help, like buying a car for my wife that gets good gas mileage, and riding a motorcycle myself because it gets
better gas mileage. I started with a moped but it was too slow, and vegas drivers were trying to kill me. I don't really hate any group of people
in my heart, I'm embrasive of other cultures and lifestyles, and i could give a hoot if gays get married or christians decide to birth every child
conceived in the womb, or if abortions are performed, or if you're conservative or liberal, or if you don't eat meat, or if you wear leather, or if
you pray to your god hourly. It really doesn't affect me, the sanctity of my marriage, the love i will give my child one day, or the way i live my
life. I realize there are so many groups concerned about what other people believe that they seem scared. Scared of letting people do as they will.
Almost like we take safety in the knowledge that if we can convert everyone to our personal belief system that we will be comforted in the knowledge
that through the numbers game we can assure our positive endurance in the afterlife. We're told that Muslims hate us and they follow a vengeful god
that demands complete obedience and death to the rest. Christians did that game already. So i don't judge because i don't care about anyone's
beliefs, and because i don't even know if my own beliefs are right, but i'm willing to accept the possibility that i may be wrong. If my day of
recknoning comes and i've chosen the wrong path then i will gladly pay the price for the free-will i have excercised in my life. This is not an
attack on anyone or their religion, because i honestly believe we are all right, and we are all ok, and we are all going the same place in the end,
and we will all be happy.
I try to live by the knowledge that I don't anything at all, or whatever that proverb was.
I constantly try to formulate the "perfect" government in my head. One that would appease everyone, and we would all have an equal share and the
right to do as we will. It never works because at some point human greed, or anarchy, comes into the equation. Just to clarify, I am not
cool, with complete anarchy. I'm just a utopian dreamer, but i realize that utopia isn't possible without everyone doing their fair share of work,
and even I have my lazy days at work. A guy can hope though.
So if you've made it this far through my rant, maybe you can help me. I need to know where i can get a copy of the koran that hasn't been altered
by our western beliefs. I want to understand these people through their book. Not the book that we're told they read. I'd also like anyone to
recommend any good books on anything you might think would help someone in my particular situation. Or just any good advice, or thoughts you'd like
to share with me. Maybe you agree with me, Maybe you think I'm wrong and a moron. Maybe you think I'm shooting un-organized pipe-dreams out of my
rear. I assure you i'm not, and that I've been writing this letter in my head for over a year, but everyday the words change.
Everyday I know something new, and it changes my path. Now there is no path and this board and all of your opinions are responsible for it, so thank