Anyone ever loved a bi-polar woman? Any problems?

Originally posted by StephenR
I wont leave her and i will not move on....i refuse with every last breth to give up or to accept this willnot work...it will work and it can she just needs to no she needs medical help....and i no i do aswell....i noticed i needed medical help long time ageo i just tryed to controll it....i see a counsler sometimes...he helps a bit...i explaine to him how i fell i might be depressed i explaine my anger to him and my hatride for the world ( as i see it)...i talk to him openley about my intrest in homemade explosives and how i build weapons and bombs in my house to protect me when the onley person i have to protect mysleff from is me....

I belive 100% my girl friend is bi-polar....and i will not just let her go and let her go on in life and struggel and mess up...i love her! and love isent a word you say love is somthing special! and to me it is never giveing up! and i will never give up on her! i will help her and be there for her!.

I honestley belive that i will never forgive God or anyone! if i cant be with her.....i cant explaine it but i belive we where ment for eachother and she no's it to...she just has alot of truble with her feelings and stuff....thi break has been so hard on me...i keep thinking of herting mysleff and i cut up my ankel witha knife a few times....been considering shooting my pellet gun threw the side of myleg..just to take my mind off this....i no i need help i no i have problems i dont no who to turn to...i few days ageo i considerd mixing wut chlorine and amonya i got left togeather in a bottle and letting it go in my room in front of me....(its a type of homemade mustard gas..there are other ways to)...i really thought of it...it scares me...i hope everything will be good and work out like he say but i no wee need help

Stephen,

I know you might feel upset, depressed, or angry but understand that the chances of your problems and her problems just going away due to medication of some sort are very, very slim.

You have to understand that you need to get yourself better BEFORE you can ever think of trying to help someone else. Everytime I have been under extreme stress such as you have, it seemed like a huge lake I was in. Someone once told me that with time, you will see it was only a puddle. In every case...they were right. Trust me.

That is the case here with you battling so many issues. You are riding the up-down of a rollercoaster and it will not get better until you do. Consider that she is not bi-polar, but simply afraid to confront her fears about your behavior and therefore she goes through emotional phases.

I would advise that you actively seek out some help and get yourself well. Only then could you move forward and be able to be really there for her. Love can be a great motivator and you will be so much better in the end.

Take the initiative and turn your situation from helpless dispair to a happy ending.


Be well.

This is for stephenR

please get some counselling!

You are 'self harming'...what that means is that emotionally things have got too much and you need to hurt yourself physically to have some kind of release. You most certainly do not want to start a self harming cycle. Your message really worried me. The only way to deal with things like this is to talk to someone. Your psyche needs a release and the only way to do it is through talking, not hurting yourself.

Even when things seem so terrible, there is always another day and there is always something/someone to look forward to.

be strong and get some help...

There is a site in Australia called depressionnet...you and everyone can access the forums, you will need to sign up for this. This site helps people who have issues but also gives support to people who have someone in their life who has an mental illness. It is very supportive and you can also speak to an online social worker privately over the net.

DNet

take care of yourself!!!

DNet may be a good starting point for you.

We haven't had an official diagnosis, but after speaking to my counsellor the other day, we think that my wife has Boderline Personality Disorder. I'm trying to learn how to deal with it, because it's really hard. Things are great, when they're good, and we're close and really happy, but some things that I consider minor set her off, and she goes off the deep end. When things are bad they're awful. Like "Ok, that's enough, pardon me while I go hurt myself" bad. I haven't hurt myself lately, but the feelings, and the urge to do it again comes back. BPD is very hard to live with if you don't know how, and I had never considered it until recently. I have a lot of reading ahead of me to learn.

Hi.. check out the link...the forums are from people sharing their experiences...it really is a very supportive and informative site...

I would like to say thank you,to everyone who has given me adivse and helped me out with this....really means alot to me.....i will defenitley remember this and do my best to lern from it.....i am going to sign up for that web sight and see if theay can help me some more....

As for feeling like im quote"in a lake" that dicription and example discribs how i feel allmost perfectley.I never really looked at it that way....Since the last time i posed things have not gotten any better.Not really anyway....but afater reading wut you guys had to say i think i wil try to be more open minded.

I will try to understand this more and think befor i do stuff.I do see a counsler.About once every 2 weeks or so..not enough i think but still.I like to talk about theese things and it doe help.I tell my counsler EVERYTHING.....i even tell him about my obsession with homemade explosives how i make them and where i get the stuff.....i guess he understands me enough tho because he hasent called the cops on me for it.

I will menchon this to him and try to get more help with my problem...your right life goes on there is allways a tomorrow...sometimes i feel like tomorrow wont come and when it doe it will be worse but i will try to think more openley and calm.....thank you guys for this help...i hope others will read and lern from this!!...maybe my girlfriend....well ex-girlfriend i gues now will lernsomthing to..maybe in the end thing can turn out good...we will see...thank you all!

sry for bad spelling

I was heavily involved with a bi-polar woman who was institutionalized. I still feel, 2 decades later, that 4 years of my emotional life was stolen from me.

She was a true organic bipolar. Her "wave" was about 85-95 days. When she became depressed, she'd barely move for days; often, I'd come home to find her naked and curled up in a closet, weeping softly yet uncontrollably.

When she reached her manic peak, she would miss sleep for several days. She literally had so many thoughts pushing out of her head that she could not talk fast enough to get all the words out. She would also become a sexaholic, and sleep with any good friend who would oblige her. (which is how I got involved in the first place, idiot.)

She would tell horrible lies to everyone, particularly her and my family. Her own family was wealthy enough to "fix" her mistakes.

When I tried to get away from her, she would stalk any woman I became interested in, and try to befriend them, so she could "warn" them about the dangers of Dr. Strangecraft. . . .

She wouldn't love me, but she would prevent me from loving anyone else. When I tried to move past her, she told people I had threatened to commit suicide while I was intoxicated, and I needed to be watched by all of them. They even helped her keep tabs on me!!!!

My solution was to move out of state with no notice, and start a new life. I saw her once about a decade ago. She was a tenure-track professor at a major university. We sort of reconciled over dinner but mutually agreed to never meet again.

She made my life hell, and successfully kept me from finding a normal woman I could be happy with.

For me, religion has been a tremendous relief---I have learned to forgive her, and myself for loving her.

Sorry. This is sort of gushing out isn't it???

oops. Yet it's still cathartic to tell it to strangers.

People allways say girls arn't nothing but truble....i never thought it was as true as it is.

For thoose of you who have found ways to make thing work for you..good job....I never new that there are so mant things in life that make relationships complecated.By that i mean things like despression and bi-polar...mental dissorders and such.

Sorta makes me wish we where all clones or something..everyone all the same..then we wouldent have theese problems.

I see my counsler this tuesday.I will talk to him for sure about this and wut has been recomended to me by others.My friend and i have allso agreed to go to anger managment classes if we can find a way to get signed up.

I used to go to them it was a little helpfull...mostley i was made more mad by other peoples problems....theres seem so easy to fix.Anyway things are not going any better latley....still bad and i still take it out on mysleff.

I sometimes feel like just yelling and screaming! and distroying everything i can but its pointles.The thing that bothers me this most of all this is.

I feel like she (my girl friend...well ex now) will really screw her life up with out me there to teach and show her the right things....I mean shes slow sometimes and has trubles understanding things...and she will make wrong choises and i no she will screw up SO MUCH!! in life and she wont lern from alot of it....thats wut really herts.....i no i should let go forget it move on see counsler get help...but i cant stop thinking of her future it makes me so sad to see her throw away wut we have....

My friends keep telling me to go on with life and forget it...i tell them i wont and i will sit and be depressed and cut mysleff and hert mysleff because it exprees how i feel....theay get really mad at me and tell me shes not worth it....i herd it so many times i told them to shut up or i hert them....you can see the person i become out of this...i have so little feelings towrods anything not even mysleff...i will talk to someone tho and see wut i can do about that.....i guess i have to take life oneday at a time....as hard as that one day is.

sry for bad spelling

Hi StephenR

good that you saw your counsellor!

anger is a normal thing..it is a good thing at times...it is only a bad thing when your not in control of it.

If you feel like yelling and screaming...can you do it in such a way that it doesnt harm anyone or yourself? Do you have a 1.5ltr plastic bottle lying around? cos they are fantastic for releasing anger. Get the bottle and hit the carp out of your kitchen sink for example. Feeling angry is normal, not releasing it isnt.

You may only have to use the bottle a couple of times then the anger is gone.
What you need to do is find something to put your anger into...something constructive that will be good for you. Not harm you or anyone else.

Running, exercise is a very good way. You need to release the pent up anger you feel in a postive way. Then learn to manage it.

It really does work... I used that for a while and it was fantastic...would end up laughing and throw the bottle down. Then go off happy la la. You can even use a tea towel. The most important thing is to release your anger in a way so that you are not hurting yourself or anyone esle.

be strong...

It is completely normal to feel peed off at times

Hi StephenR, long time lurker, first time poster.

I'm 23 and bipolar, and I must say your situation is very similar to the way I was acting/feeling when I was 16. I was in a relationship with a guy who wasn't exactly "stable" himself, and the relationship and breakup was, what I thought at the time, the end of it all. The fact that at one time things were so wonderful and we were in love made the arguing and separation even more painful. Like you, I refused to let go and convinced myself I could take on the task of fixing myself and my ex and we would someday be happy and together forever. I'm telling you, I was way in over my head. I isolated myself from the rest of the world and the other people and things I once cared about. I figured the world stopped turning and would not move again until my ex and I were together. It seemed no matter where I went or how nice the people were, it would never be complete without my ex, and I felt like I had somehow let him down if I tried to enjoy myself while he was miserable, as if I didn't deserve it.

Now here is where my self-destructive behavior took a toll; my grades were slipping, my friends who could no longer watch me do this to myself moved on, my family was frustrated with me, and I was more alone than ever. Even my ex had started dating again, and for far too long I had been "frozen" in a mindset that was no longer realistic, and everyone had forgotten except for me.

Why am I telling you this? Because this went on for nearly a year, a year I wasted of my precious teenage years crying over a guy that I never ended up with again anyway. That whole time, I could have been working hard at school, making lots of friends, and just having a good time. I know now you are thinking that this is impossible, you are living in the now and this desperately needs to be fixed before you can move forward, but I'm telling you now, you can't fix her. You need to live for yourself, I have many friends who have led a self-destructive path and you just need to let them make their mistakes. If she drifts away from you, so be it. As you get older, you will realize a lot of people will come in and out of your life, and sometimes it is for the better. Your ex needs serious help, and right now her only hope is a professional who has spent many years in school and practice just for this sort of thing. You can't take something upon yourself that sometimes they don't even get right.

One day when I was feeling especially down about my ex, my friend asked me, "What were you doing and thinking about 10 years ago?" I said "I don't really remember, I was in kindergarten, I was probably fingerpainting or something". He said "Do you still feel the exact same way as you did
back then?" "Probably not," I said. And probably the most simple yet effective advice I have ever received from someone, "Is it reasonable to assume then, that 10 years from now, you won't feel the same way about your ex as you do today?"

He was right. 7 years later, I'm on my meds, in college and happily married to another man. You think I would take that all back for that silly relationship I was in in the 10th grade? Not a chance. And the sooner you move on, the sooner you will realize this, too. It won't happen all at once, I can garantee you that, but stick with the professional help, you are officially on the right track. Every step you take to walk away from this misery you are just a step closer to being your happy self again. Keep that in mind, and good luck!

[edit on 4/19/2006 by Pink_Cola]

NJE777 that bottle idea sounds good sorta silly but good i will try to remember next time im angrey to do that.I have a punching bag i have been hitting alot latley.I love it! but my mom and friends dont....when im angrey i sometimes hit it over and over and over agen! it helps alot but i hit it so much i tear up my hands.....the skin is all pealed back and broken on my nukels and there is alot! of blood all over the bag.I often dont even whate for the woonds to heal befor i start hitting agen..i just get mad and hit it and tear the scabs open agen....

I dont have gloves and i dont want them i feel that this large amount of paine i feel from doing this is good for me.I can hit it over and over agen for so long so hard so many times and you no why i do this for so long?

because when im mad i think horribul things towords people i think things that may be hard to imagen doing to others and it is very discusting when im angrey im angrey! and this punching bag it just hangs there...and i hit it..it never yells at me it never tells me to stop it never gives up it never crys or falls to the ground it never bleeds or run away it never dies!!! EVER! and thats why i keep hitting! because when im angrey my anger and feelings say "dont stop hitting till its dead or your dead" and so i hit.....or corse i stop sooner or later...afater while the paine in myhands gets to much and my mucles cramp up so i stop but it is very helpfull!

Myabe this bottle thing will be easyer and less harmfull lol i will try it.My friend has been haveing sorta the same truble him and his girlfriend broke up hes really upset...so he painted his room, i thought it was weird but he said it calmed him down alot....i think this is good to get ur attion on somthing positve when mad...and i will try harder to do so.


Pink_Cola

Your advise has been very helpfull.I think i will print it out along with others advise..this way i can take it with me and read it when mad.Latley i have been thinking alot...i have allso been talking to my now ex-girlfriend.....she tells me how she still cares and how she dosent feel right being away from me like this...and that she still loves me and everything will be better oneday..by that she means she will fix this....but i been thinking and writing in my jurnal alot.

Things can never ben the same as befor not afater all that has happond.I no it has been painefull for me both emotinaley and pysicley.I have lerned from this as i have lerned from everything else in my past.Talking to people hear on this post has, to be frank about it "opend my eyes more" and helped me to understand more about why she and others act the way thay do.

When i seen my counsler yesterday i told him of all of this.And that i wanted to be signed up for anger management classes..agen...he told me of a place i can look into about anger management..i was there once befor and it was helpfull...he talked to me a little about wut he new about bi-polar

said that is is something that needs to be looked at and that often it requires a good amount of time talking to counslers or thearpist to fully understand and diagnos it (sry i cant spell that word)

He allso told me how i could get her (my ex) into a program where she can see her own counsler and theese assesmits can be done and she can start to get help.

i told her about all of it and she agreed she needs it and dose want to have this looked at.I dont feel the same being around her..talking to her....its all so hard and confuseing she says she still cares but dont seem to show it she says she wants her and I to be "us" agen......but i feel theese woonds will take a long!! time to heal and i told her.

Im trying to be more calm and to relax more.I have given up on pretty much everything including religon....i told her i felt we where suppose to be togeather (im not going to explaine the hole story of how we met but it was diffront then most people..it was special!)

Since this has happond i have told mysleff "if God can just give you the one thing in life you want most!! if he can awnser your one dream for that one special person!! then just as easyley take it away! then that is somthing i will hold agenst him"..i have told mysleff i cant forgive God for that....and i no i probley gonna go to hell for saying that....hope no one think less of me....

But wut we had was so diffront then wut i think most people have...like i said hard to explaine and would take way to long....i just gievn up...i will just go on liveing life and whate to see wut the next day holds for me..

There is onley one thing! i do look forword to now in life....my one dream is to joine the Army....thats wut i want to do with my life.And when im mad and trubbled i tell mysleff oneday i will be places outhers dont get to go oneday i will do things most people dont get to and oneday this will all be part of my past.


thats my way of trying to keep positve but its very hard with all this stuff going on.I no that i have to start moveing on....and i will do so very slowley maybe oneday soon she will understand and get the help she needs then all can be well with us agen...or not....i can onley hope....anyway thank you both you have bee great help with this and im very thankfull to you!

sry for bad spelling

To anyone who still reads this...a few nights ageo i was watching the news and for about 10 mins or so it talked about bi-polar dissorder and other mental disorders....i found it to be a little helpfull because it talked about how its more commen then people think.

It talked about some lady i dont remember her first name but her last name was "trudo" i think i spelled that wrong anyway im pretty sure she was the wife of that Canadian priminister while back...well she talked and told people that for a long peroid of time in her life she had sufferd from bi-polar and that she was not dieignosed (spelled that very wrong sorry) and she had had alot of truble with it..she talked about haveing emotinal problems and out breaks where one minute shes happy then some little thing would set her off and she would be mad and angrey at people...(this is same thing we have been talking about and same thing with my ex-girl friend)

She said that with proper medical help this can be fixed and medication can greatley help to pervent outbreaks and other mental affects of bi-polar.

Theay then went on to talk about how commen this and other meantal problems are in people when i herd this i was shocked theay said that 1 in every 5 people have some sorta of meantal problem/disorder/condition.So lets think of that on a global scale...1 in 5 in world with 6 and half billion people that means 1 and 1/5 of a billion people in the world today suffer from some mental condtion.I thought it was rather shocking.

Well the good news is if you think you got somthing like that then go to docter and get help!..theay said thats best thing you can do.Oh the lady allso talked about haveing drinking problems and i no alot of people who have responded to this post with expearance menchond drinking as a problem...i thought i would add that.

I felt i should menchon that because it is rather help full in understanding it more.I dont no if anyone cares but i would allso like to menchon how things are going with my ex-girlfriend she has agreed to see her docter and even get into a counsling program.We still talk and are trying to "fix" things i guess you can say....i still have not given up fully and i no i should have when this first started but im stubbern (even stupied) and afater all the thing we been threw over the last while i still have some hope for her that she can get the help she needs and make her life more right.

On one last note i would like to say,Today tuesday,may,09 would have been our 15 month anvarseryshe says it still is but it sorta hard when we are not togeather...but at least she has fath that things will get betetr and fixed....i just wanted to say that...i hope others will lern from all this.Thanks

Sry for bad spelling

Originally posted by StephenR
It talked about some lady i dont remember her first name but her last name was "trudo" i think i spelled that wrong anyway im pretty sure she was the wife of that Canadian priminister while back...well she talked and told people that for a long peroid of time in her life she had sufferd from bi-polar and that she was not dieignosed

OTTAWA -- Margaret Trudeau has been waging a secret war for decades.
Controversy has followed her ever since she married former prime minister Pierre Trudeau in 1971 at the age of 22. In the ensuing years, she became a controversial figure for her unusual antics and escapades.
But, for the first time Friday, Margaret Trudeau revealed that behind the lights and cameras that recorded her life over the next 30 years, she was fighting a personal and lonely battle against bipolar disorder.
"I suffered tremendous loss because of my reluctance to come forward for help and not recognizing what was happening to me," she told reporters at the Royal Ottawa Hospital on Friday...continues canada.com

I hope that helps.

sanc

ya thats it! i seen it on the news....i found it to be helpfull thanks for posting that now others can see

Originally posted by Zaphod58
We haven't had an official diagnosis, but after speaking to my counsellor the other day, we think that my wife has Boderline Personality Disorder. I'm trying to learn how to deal with it, because it's really hard. Things are great, when they're good, and we're close and really happy, but some things that I consider minor set her off, and she goes off the deep end. When things are bad they're awful. Like "Ok, that's enough, pardon me while I go hurt myself" bad. I haven't hurt myself lately, but the feelings, and the urge to do it again comes back. BPD is very hard to live with if you don't know how, and I had never considered it until recently. I have a lot of reading ahead of me to learn.

I had a wife with this, very , very difficult to live with. The best book I've read on the subject is "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me". Here's a link to Amazon:

www.amazon.com...=8-1/qid=1147977554/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-4059663-7667214?%5Fencoding=UTF8

It was comforting to know there was some good info for lay people out there.

I was not able to work it out with my wife and went through a long and horrible divorce in which I obtained custody of our young son. Needless to say I can't offer much advice on how to make it work, but I can give you some comfort that there are self help communities popping up in the internet mental health world that help those who have divorced BPD women. My best wishes, and please know you have an ATS member you can chat with.

Well, I finally left the crazy bitch. It was said she was cheating on me with different guys through the course of the relationship, even though she denied it, she finally ended up leaving me for some guy that was actually her age, that was a crackhead, she married him, and the day I called wanting to know if we were going back out that night, and she told me she found someone else, and was marrying him, and we could still be friends, and I could call and talk to her, and hang out with her at work, I haven't talked to her since that day, like 5 months ago.

that must have been painefull to here....was painefull to read....well i hope the best for ya....

I'm glad my doctor gives me prescriptions for like a dozen psychoactive drugs.

Fitting in is a good thing.

Sorry, duplicate post

[edit on 8/31/2006 by djohnsto77]

Originally posted by jca2005
Well, I finally left the crazy bitch. It was said she was cheating on me with different guys through the course of the relationship, even though she denied it, she finally ended up leaving me for some guy that was actually her age, that was a crackhead, she married him, and the day I called wanting to know if we were going back out that night, and she told me she found someone else, and was marrying him, and we could still be friends, and I could call and talk to her, and hang out with her at work, I haven't talked to her since that day, like 5 months ago.

GOOD


----------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyone ever loved a bi-polar woman?

I've dated a lot of women, and they were/are all bi-polar.

Well, i guess i could be bi-polar, but i'm not. Wrong diagnosys for me

I just dont like being "tampered" with.

My oldest son was married to a bi-polar girl, and it got so bad they had to part separate ways... Now i've always suspected him of being bi-polar (not diagnosed) but obvious sometimes. HE refuses to take any meds. She is on a downward spiral...and never the two shall meet.
I can't imagine 2 bi-polar people living together.
Someone has to even things out.

TO THE AUTHOR: Make sure your friend takes all his/her medication. Take into consideration that this is not something that will "go away" (I've never seen it just go away) so careful there.... I hope at least you're even tempered and can balance things.
Good luck.