posted on Apr, 19 2006 @ 01:39 AM
Hi StephenR, long time lurker, first time poster.
I'm 23 and bipolar, and I must say your situation is very similar to the way I was acting/feeling when I was 16. I was in a relationship with a guy
who wasn't exactly "stable" himself, and the relationship and breakup was, what I thought at the time, the end of it all. The fact that at one
time things were so wonderful and we were in love made the arguing and separation even more painful. Like you, I refused to let go and convinced
myself I could take on the task of fixing myself and my ex and we would someday be happy and together forever. I'm telling you, I was way in over my
head. I isolated myself from the rest of the world and the other people and things I once cared about. I figured the world stopped turning and would
not move again until my ex and I were together. It seemed no matter where I went or how nice the people were, it would never be complete without my
ex, and I felt like I had somehow let him down if I tried to enjoy myself while he was miserable, as if I didn't deserve it.
Now here is where my self-destructive behavior took a toll; my grades were slipping, my friends who could no longer watch me do this to myself moved
on, my family was frustrated with me, and I was more alone than ever. Even my ex had started dating again, and for far too long I had been "frozen"
in a mindset that was no longer realistic, and everyone had forgotten except for me.
Why am I telling you this? Because this went on for nearly a year, a year I wasted of my precious teenage years crying over a guy that I never ended
up with again anyway. That whole time, I could have been working hard at school, making lots of friends, and just having a good time. I know now you
are thinking that this is impossible, you are living in the now and this desperately needs to be fixed before you can move forward, but I'm telling
you now, you can't fix her. You need to live for yourself, I have many friends who have led a self-destructive path and you just need to let them
make their mistakes. If she drifts away from you, so be it. As you get older, you will realize a lot of people will come in and out of your life, and
sometimes it is for the better. Your ex needs serious help, and right now her only hope is a professional who has spent many years in school and
practice just for this sort of thing. You can't take something upon yourself that sometimes they don't even get right.
One day when I was feeling especially down about my ex, my friend asked me, "What were you doing and thinking about 10 years ago?" I said "I don't
really remember, I was in kindergarten, I was probably fingerpainting or something". He said "Do you still feel the exact same way as you did
back then?" "Probably not," I said. And probably the most simple yet effective advice I have ever received from someone, "Is it reasonable to
assume then, that 10 years from now, you won't feel the same way about your ex as you do today?"
He was right. 7 years later, I'm on my meds, in college and happily married to another man. You think I would take that all back for that silly
relationship I was in in the 10th grade? Not a chance. And the sooner you move on, the sooner you will realize this, too. It won't happen all at
once, I can garantee you that, but stick with the professional help, you are officially on the right track. Every step you take to walk away from this
misery you are just a step closer to being your happy self again. Keep that in mind, and good luck!
[edit on 4/19/2006 by Pink_Cola]