Beautiful Eyes

I’ve seen a thousand beautiful sights in my life
But none quite so beautiful as your breath-taking eyes.
More beautiful than even the stars in the sky,
So beautiful that even the angels cry.

Beautiful enough to take my breath away,
Beautiful enough to make me want to stay,
And so I live upon what you say,
Time with you always such a beautiful day.

Though the saddest time,
Is when I commit that ultimate crime,
That time when I sigh,
And have to say good bye.

With a hug I want to last forever
And a gentle kiss
To say I’ll always remember
From January to December

So I wait until next time
So my day spirals down from it’s prime
Upon me committing that crime
And so I leave hoping for longer the next time.

-----------------------------------

That was a poem I wrote about my Girl Friend. She means the world to me and this si my first decent piece of work in ages. Anybody else got poetry tehy want to add or any opinions about this poem?

Hey Killer 5, I like the image that you're portraying and you express well the moment when you will be most sad, when you leave your love. Maybe try to use the word 'beautiful' a little less, maybe use words such as elegant or mystifying etc... they convey beauty without being so bold as to actually say the word. I like your use of rhyme within the poem, but some of the rhyming words such as 'stars in the sky' and 'angels cry' seem a little cliche. If your girlfriend really is that beautiful though then keep hold of her

Im sorry if u think that ive insulted your poem, its not what i intended at all, more constructive criticism. But if you do then here's one of my poems, feel free to mock if u so wish lol

Love Shinobi xXx


Kvitochka (Little Flower)

My wild flower, exotic and free,
Catching the sunlight whilst smiling at me,
My delightful kvitochka, radiant and true,
Looking so beautiful whilst I’m smiling at you,
The earth and mother nature combine into one,
Symbiotic perfection observed by the sun,
Summer breezes blow gently, as soft as your kiss,
As they pass, I must also, my flower I’ll miss.

[edit on 12-3-2006 by ShinobiAurora]

Nice poems, both of you...I always speak them out loud when I read them the first time, to see how they sound, word after word...and both flow nicely from the throat.

I'd like to hear more poetry from both of you.

Here's a little bit from the greatest poet in history (well, IMO, that is)

This poet lived more than 2000 years ago...

Love is a warfare: sluggards be dismissed,
No faint-heart 'neath this banner may enlist.
Storms, darkness, anguish, weary trails you'll find
On love's campaign, and toil of every kind.
Oft will the rainclouds empty on your head
Oft on bare earth you'll make your chilly bed.

Ovid, from The Art of Love

Hey Killer 5, I like the image that you're portraying and you express well the moment when you will be most sad, when you leave your love. Maybe try to use the word 'beautiful' a little less, maybe use words such as elegant or mystifying etc... they convey beauty without being so bold as to actually say the word. I like your use of rhyme within the poem, but some of the rhyming words such as 'stars in the sky' and 'angels cry' seem a little cliche. If your girlfriend really is that beautiful though then keep hold of her


Im sorry if u think that ive insulted your poem, its not what i intended at all, more constructive criticism. But if you do then here's one of my poems, feel free to mock if u so wish lol

lol, no worries, I actually prefer criticism to comliments. Compliments stroke the ego, but criticism is what makes a good poet become a great one. As for your poem I think it's pretty good.

I'd like to hear more poetry from both of you.

Will be adding a poem or so to my depressed poetry thread masqua.