posted on Mar, 3 2006 @ 07:27 PM
This is a very hard subject for me to touch on but I would like to share this story in hopes of obtaining a better understanding of what has happened
and what it all means. I will start from the beginning in order to share the complete story. To give you an idea about myself, I am a 29 year old
male, educated and grounded for the most part. I personally have always had difficulty in believing in God and although I was raised in a Baptist
church, I never put much stock into it and always considered myself to be agnostic as opposed to an atheist.
One day this past August I had a discussion with a couple of co-workers while taking a break. It was about religion and God, Jesus, the whole
Christian topic. One of the guys that was involved in the discussion was a born again type and very adamant about his beliefs, and many times before
he had "preeched" to me about God and his views on being saved etc, which irritated me to a degree. But especially on this particular day, as I was
having a bad day and not in a great mood to listen.
After an hour or so of debating back and forth, seeing obviously that my statements against his beliefs were not getting through, again this annoyed
me a great deal. After reaching the end of my rope, I very nastily told him that God is a myth, religion is a lie, there is no God, and if there is he
is a hateful vengeful God and I told him very angrily that he was a sucker, and a sheep and that with so much evil in the world the concept of God was
a joke. He was definately offended, but suprisingly did not counter in an angry way. Instead he told me that one day something in my life would happen
that would show me the way and that I would be in shock when it happened. So naturally I blew him off as a "jesus nut" and went about my day.
On my way home from work (I have a 45 minute drive one way) I thought about my conversation and one recurring theme kept popping into my mind over and
over. I kept thinking If there really was a God, how comforting that would be. What a great conforting idea to believe that someone was in charge of
this madness - that God was really there and there was no need to worry. How much easier life would be if that were true. And the other thing I kept
thinking, and even said aloud was "I just need a sign...please God..I want to believe but I can't unless I KNOW for sure. Please give me a sign."
I got home, changed out of my work clothes and sat down. I was there for about ten minutes when my phone rang, and the voice on the other end was my
dads neighbor - who was calling to tell me that she had found my dad dead, sitting at his kitchen table, and that we needed to come so that the
coroner could take his body away. Needless to say I was floored. I couldn't believe it. The first thing I thought of was the conversation I had at
work..the hateful things I said towards God, and the fact that I felt..and I know it sounds crazy.but I felt like I had somehow killed my father. That
God had punished me in the ultimate way for my arrogance. I found out later on that the estimated time of death was at 4:05 in the afternoon, which I
estimated to be the same exact time I had blasphemed against Gods name. I was torn up for days. I couldn't tell anyone what had happened, especially
my brother or sister because I knew it would all upset them greatly. I carried such guilt for months.
I had a hard time dealing with the grief and guilt of this for months. Then this past week, I had a dream that was so vivid and so crystal clear and
so real that it changed my life. I have dreams sometimes, but always murky and hard to recollect. This time I dreamed that I was sitting in a field
underneath a tree by myself. I looked out and a man was walking towards me. When he got close I realized that it was my dad. He looked great.,
radiating and he had a huge smile on my face. He came up and sat beside me and I will never forget, all he said was "It's ok. It wasn't your fault.
I love you Bud, which is what he always called me since I was a kid. He hugged me and it was so powerful that I didn't want to let him go. Then
finally he said "see ya" and he walked back out into the field and was gone. If you knew me, you would understand that I am a big guy, very manly
type, tough exterior, and I dont get emotional about anything. But when I woke up in my bed I was already sobbing, uncontrollably, those deep sobs
like a child. And I couldn't stop for almost a half hour.
I am convinced that my father came to say goodbye to me. It was so real I can't see any other explanation. I know all of this sounds crazy, but I
had to sahre this with others as I have been unable to muster the courage to tell my family or friends about it for fear of sounding like a nutcase. I
swear that everything in this post is the truth and I just need some advice as to what this all was or if anyone else out there has ever had an
experience similar to this. If it makes any difference, I do believe in God and the afterlife now. Maybe not the Christian version exactly, but I know
there is more to this life that we know. Thanks.
[edit on 3-3-2006 by DiabolicEdict]
[edit on 3-3-2006 by DiabolicEdict]