posted on Feb, 22 2006 @ 11:57 AM
She's scared. She's never been emotionally intimate with someone, thus never been vulnerable to anyone, and she has crossed this line with you by
telling you things she's never told anyone etc.
You are *safe* as a friend. You can't break her heart as a friend. You can't judge her and stop liking her for the things she reveals as a
to change that status of friendship would mean great risk for her. She would then risk rejection from you-again. You already rejected her sexual
advances originally...um...SLAM. The fact she continued to be friends with you speaks volumes though...she may really respect you for that, after the
initial rejection wore away.
SO then, having respect for you, created the comfort she feels in being friends with you...believing she can confide these things to you, and knowing
you care about her...knowing your interesst is in her...not in sex with her...there is safety in that...she's not had to wonder what your intentions
have been, and she has opened up.
What you ask of her now, is to let you actually love her for who she is...and she is not knowing how to go that route...SHe's had lovers I take it,
but rarely friends if she confides in you like no other...and now you want to be what others have been, but left her waning in the end...a lover.
She doesn't want to lose you, your friendship, your unconditional non-judgemental, no expecation friendship and have you become like the rest-just a
Sex changes everything.
If you want to, express this might be the case, and ask her to think about it-no pressure but just to think about the fact that a sexual relationship
represents a new vulnerablity for her...one she's never had to deal with...sex with a friend, confidant, etc...ah....thats not really just sex then,
it's making love...is that what she is really afraid of...the love?
FInd out, just by presenting it, asking her to think about it...is she afraid of being that vulnerable...if she is honest with herself and realizes
yes...she will also realize it may be a risk worth taking with someone who understands that such a vulnerability should be respected.
She doesn't want to get hurt. Can you blame her?
If she doesn't see things the same way...slowly seperate yourself from her...do not let her use you as a "friend" without affection if you want
it/need it...tell if it isn't progressing, fine...you are happy to be friends with her, you care about her and always will, but you can'[t spend as
much time with her then...and start weaning her...she will likely be much more in tune with what she wants, and had , and has, and should come around
if not...then, set her free little by little, stay friends, but start seeing other girls romantically....this too may help her decide in what capacity
she wants you in her life.
it's not game playing when you are honest and direct and just taking the proper steps.
JMHO, but trust me....ah...just trust me...talk to her and try to understand-and if she can't...then back off for your own sake-why pine and let your
heart break in vain?