posted on Feb, 20 2006 @ 04:58 PM
I used to think that I couldn't be happy until I found love. Well, I got married, was very happy. The marriage was perfect, till my wife's mother
convinced her that she had been mentally ill at the time of our wedding (her family did not attend the wedding). So she left me. It was a perfect
marriage and her mother somehow manipulated her into leaving it. She has since broken ties with her family and is now married to someone else.
After she filed for divorce, I dropped 40 pounds (I was not overweight either), got really depressed, had an ulcur, etc. Then I learned to cope. I
figured out how to be happy on my own. I realized that I had become my ideal self, and was happy with who I was. So why should I let anyone else
control my happiness?
Now for about a year I've had a nice inner peace that I never had before. When she was gone, I didn't quickly latch onto someone else in order to
fill the empty space. I found happiness on my own. I no longer require the acceptance of others to be happy.
Yet for some reason I desire companionship once again. Why is this? Is it nothing but natural human instinct? I shouldn't desire this... after
all, I'm happy already. I don't want to desire love... it has only hurt me in the past. Why fix something that isn't broken?
I'm not sure whether I should try to suppress the desire, or to just go with it. A little help from those with more experience?