posted on Feb, 12 2006 @ 12:55 AM
1. Raise the galactic interest rate to 43%, and sick the space-bankers on earth, for overdrafts and surcharges.
2. Cause Atlantis to rise from the plains of Kansas
3. Change crop circling policies in the UK, effective immediately: from now on, the entire field will be flattened, with the sole exception
of a thin circle of grain left standing in a swirling spiral pattern.
4. Offer cold fusion to the 10 poorest nations of record, and allow them to sell electricity (and cheap biodegradeable batteries) to developed
nations at whatever price they want. In exchange for allowing us to build military bases in their states.
5. Offer to manage criminals for governments at no charge. Prisoners incapable of "re-education" will be shipped permanently "off-world" to one
of our "colonies" in an undisclosed location (nutrient processing facility).
6. Announce a new cost-cutting program for the UN: It is now closed. Each nation will be given a small white stone, which, when connected to a
monitor, will give the world government's instructions for your nation for the upcoming quarter. The burdens of world government will be shared
equally: the tax rate will be a flat 17%, and each nation will supply a similar ratio of worker-units for the "World Pyramid Project"
7. Each national capitol will be erased and replaced with a 1000-story pyramid manufactured of an alien substance called "ubersteel." Except that
the number of nations will be reduced to 99. Most small nations will be annexed into larger nations for convenience.
8. I will offer free-for-life cell-phone implants for those willing to undergo the surgery. The cell-phone chip will be inserted directly into the
right hand or forehead. Only those equipped with such devices will be allowed to buy, sell, or own equities or commodities.
9. The cell-phone implants will render human-made space satelites useless, paving the way for my "migraine beam" satelites, which I will direct at
any nation that thwarts my will. The resultant migraine among earth females will cause fertility rates to drop below zero . . .
10. Humans who please me can still win extra minutes in one of my ubiquitous "pleasure amplificator booths" located strategically in malls, bowling
alleys, and high schools planet-wide.