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Bush jokes only...

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posted on Feb, 8 2006 @ 09:23 PM
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A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, cars, beer, guns, and breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And the robot says... real slowly... "So............... ya ... gonna ... vote . for . Bush .. again???




[edit on 8-2-2006 by redhat]




posted on Feb, 8 2006 @ 09:28 PM
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BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD

Crawford, Texas -- A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush.

The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept.

Both of his books have been lost.

A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.

The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.



posted on Feb, 12 2006 @ 05:54 PM
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Haha laughing my ass off on both jokes, keep em coming i really like em

MoonScar



posted on Feb, 12 2006 @ 06:15 PM
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OK, there has been some odd things going on with Bush.


When Condi was asked to describe what she saw, she was very candid.....



posted on Feb, 14 2006 @ 03:08 AM
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But I try......



posted on Feb, 14 2006 @ 10:13 AM
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George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his
talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.
"Bob", he replies.
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the
support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
And Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies
that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right
question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts up his hand.
George points him out and asks him his name.
"Steve".
"And what is your question, Steve?"
Steve says "I have 5 questions."
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?

And Fifth, where is BOB?"

[edit on 14-2-2006 by riley]



posted on Mar, 4 2006 @ 03:16 AM
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^^^OMG that joke was amazing good stuff!



posted on Mar, 4 2006 @ 10:40 AM
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U.S. Outsourcing the Presidency

2006-03-02 | Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of March 20, 2006.

The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

“We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant”, stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. “We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay”, Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the office of President as of March 20. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. “Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center”, stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. “I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem because Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. “We know these scripting tools work”, stated the spokesperson. “President Bush has used them successfully for years.” Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the “down home” persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the Katrina situation.

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and phony smile. Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. “I've been there, I know all about Iraq”, stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop. Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.





posted on Mar, 4 2006 @ 05:09 PM
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bush goes to an middle school
they are discussing the use of the word tragedy

bush asks one student "what is a tragedy"
the student answers, "if I was playing in a field with my friend with my friend and a tractor ran him over that would be a tragedy"
bush says, "no that would be an accident"
Bush asks a student named Tristan what a tragedy would be he says,"well if secret service agents grabbed me and took me out of this classroom for my oppinions that would be a tragedy"
bush says," no that would be an act to preserve the security of this nation
bell rings
Mrs. Loughery: time for break
Class resumes
no one notices I'm gone
Bush says, "can anyone else tell me how tragedy would be used"
a student says,"well if a bus drove off a cliff killing all 50 people inside that would be a tragedy"
bush says no that would be a great loss

I have a new answer
"if a missile hit air force one killing everyone inside that would be a tragedy"
bush (sweating heavily)"good how did you know
"well it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and after that I dont think it would be an accident but then again it could be an act to preserve the security of this nation.



I know I couldn't resist adding myself into that joke



posted on Mar, 4 2006 @ 05:11 PM
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bush goes to an middle school
they are discussing the use of the word tragedy

bush asks one student "what is a tragedy"
the student answers, "if I was playing in a field with my friend with my friend and a tractor ran him over that would be a tragedy"
bush says, "no that would be an accident"
Bush asks a student named Tristan what a tragedy would be he says,"well if secret service agents grabbed me and took me out of this classroom for my oppinions that would be a tragedy"
bush says," no that would be an act to preserve the security of this nation
bell rings
Mrs. Loughery: time for break
Class resumes
no one notices I'm gone
Bush says, "can anyone else tell me how tragedy would be used"
a student says,"well if a bus drove off a cliff killing all 50 people inside that would be a tragedy"
bush says no that would be a great loss

I have a new answer
"if a missile hit air force one killing everyone inside that would be a tragedy"
bush (sweating heavily)"good how did you know
"well it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and after that I dont think it would be an accident but then again it could be an act to preserve the security of this nation.



I know I couldn't resist adding myself into that joke



posted on Mar, 5 2006 @ 08:24 AM
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More! More! I want more!



posted on Mar, 5 2006 @ 09:12 AM
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wow thatt was a pointless post.
theres some morehere



posted on Mar, 5 2006 @ 11:33 AM
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Originally posted by anxietydisorder
OK, there has been some odd things going on with Bush.


When Condi was asked to describe what she saw, she was very candid.....


LMAO !!!! LOLOLOL..... hey thats is just plain WRONG !!!!
:LOL:



posted on Mar, 6 2006 @ 02:00 AM
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President Bush, ain't looking good.

His approval rating is down to 38… 38! That's lower than Dick Cheney's pulse. In fact, his approval rating is so low he's actually eligible for FEMA assistance now. And it gets worse. According to the new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, among African Americans, President Bush's approval rating is 2 percent. You know who the 2 percent are? Condoleeza Rice and Clarence Thomas.
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For the first time ever, Republicans in Congress -- Republicans! -- are demanding to know the president's exit strategy from Iraq. “Yeah”, in response the president said. “I have an exit strategy; I'm leaving office in 2008."
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In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it works there maybe we'll try it in New Orleans.
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Not looking good for President Bush popularity. He's now at 35%. If he drops just three more points, he becomes a Democrat.
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Yesterday President Bush made his fifth visit to the area that received the most damage from Hurricane Katrina. In other words, the White House.
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President Bush is going on his annual vacation. The White House says he goes to his Texas Ranch to unwind. I'm thinking, when does he wind?
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It turns out President Bush can run again in the next election. Now I know you're only supposed to be allowed two terms, but the Supreme Court said if you count his vacation time, he's barely served one.
--------------------------------
On this date in 1990 the first President Bush signed into law the Americans with Mental Disabilities Act, which allowed, of course, his son George W. to become president of the United States.
--------------------------------------------
President Bush said I wish I could wave a magic wand and lower gas prices. And then he said I wish I could wave a magic wand and bring the troops home. And he said I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix health care. And I was thinking this guy waves his wand more than Clinton!
------------------------------------------
President Bush said when he goes to India, he's looking forward to talking about how we can extend peace even further around the world. Then the Pentagon told him, 'You know, Mr. President, we really don't have enough ammunition left to do that.'
------------------------------------------
It's been reported that in the event of an emergency situation with North Korea the U.S. is prepared to send 70% of the Marine Corps to the region. According to President Bush this will still allow us to send another 70% to Iran and keep our other 70% in Iraq apart from the 70% in Afghanistan!
----------------------------------------------
President Bush, bless his heart, is trying to cut the federal budget. Do you know what it is? Two and a half trillion dollars! And he's trying to cut wherever he can. As a matter of fact he is going to try and get rid of unnecessary White House employees. So apparently he is resigning."
-----------------------------------------------
The president submitted his annual budget -- $2.5 trillion. Don't kid yourself with this George W. Bush. This guy is sneaky, this guy is cunning, and this guy is shrewd. He budgeted the upcoming invasion of Iran under office supplies!!
--------------------------------------------------

Have a nice day! Cheers!



posted on Mar, 6 2006 @ 02:24 AM
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Wow! like a democratic convention in here.

Some of the jokes are good but I was thinking of the Clinton's most of the time when I read them.



posted on Mar, 6 2006 @ 11:52 AM
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Originally posted by denythestatusquo
Wow! like a democratic convention in here.

Some of the jokes are good but I was thinking of the Clinton's most of the time when I read them.


LOL..you too, huh ???



posted on Mar, 29 2006 @ 12:43 AM
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