...my heartfelt condolences for all you are going through. Honestly, your pain has brought a tear to my eyes.
Originally posted by Boondock78
how do you cope with things like this? sometimes i literally come to tears cause i get so worked up about death.
As painfull as this is for you, tears and sorrow are an appropriate response. All I can do is to repeat for you my own thoughts that have helped me
cope with death, and hope that they help. (this is a repeat post for those paying attention):
1. You die every night and don't even care. When you go to sleep, your consciousness terminates entirely during parts of the night when you are not
dreaming. When you wake up the next day, it isn't the same "you", but a new consciousness formed from the same physical body. The previous day's
"you" is dead forever. Yet, it doesn't bother me in the least to go to sleep. Sleep is sometimes referred to as 'little death'.
2. If you have ever had surgery that required you to be paralyzed, you will undergo a strange experience. You will be awake one moment, and find
yourself waking up in recovery the next, with no perception whatsoever in between. It's weird, but not the least bit frightening (at least it wasn't
to me). Death will be like that, except for the waking up part.
3. When you die, you will return to the state of nonexistence you were in before you were born. Does the idea of not having lived eternally prior to
your death bother you? If not, then why does the thought of not living eternally after your death bother you? It will be no different than it was
before you were born.
4. You are part of the universe. When you die, although you will no longer be conscious, the universe will still exist, and that which was once you
will still be part of the universe.
5. If the universe as we see it is basically a self consitent subset within unbounded reality, then every moment of the universe as we know it will
exist in some sense eternally. You will exist again as yourself in another instantiation of the universe. This is not much different than going to
sleep and waking back up again. Granted, this is speculative, but if you must latch onto some way of existing forever, you might as well grab hold of
a secular mechanism that is not inconsistent with current scientific thinking.
6. Can you imagine how boring it would become to live forever? It would be intolerable unless you could forget things. But if you could forget things,
then over an infinite eternity, the you of today would no longer exist anyway, as all memories would be lost and replaced with something else from the
7. Finally, if you can come to terms with innihilation, when you lose a loved one, or when you face your own eminent demise, your doubts about
annihilation will bring comfort rather than fear. If you latch onto some belief in an afterlife, your doubts about that at the time you need that hope
most will bring stark terror. Because of this, acceptance of annihilation brings counter-intuitive peace at the time you need it most. Having
experienced the death of loved ones as a believer and as an atheist, I'll simply relay my own experience as to the truth of this - for what that's
If you want to PM me, I'd be happy to take this discussion offline.