walking a solitary path

Forgive me if I'm not as clear as I hope - I'm trying to wrestle with concepts that make sense in the back of my mind, but translate poorly into words. I'm not looking for guidance as such (it has to come from within) but more some reassurance that I'm not alone with this.

I'm currently coming out of yet another period of anxiety/depression and its dawning on me that when I deny my nature and my creativity, I end up ill. Problem is I seem to lack the concepts to explain what my nature truly is, and therefore the self-confidence just to 'be'

I don't claim to be anything special. I have no delusions of grandeur and unearthly powers. In some ways I am more than those around me, in other ways less. All my 'gifts' can and have easily become my 'curse' when used wrongly or not at all. I know I have potential to do 'something' - probably more along the lines of creating (art, writing, directing) something that evokes, something that hits people in the subconscious and leaves them understanding without being able to comprehend why. But I don't know how, and I'm struggling badly with it. This last week my moods have been all over the place - total universal love and ecstacy one moment, terror and complete despair the next. The season doesn't help - autumn usually tends to tear me apart

Does anyone else feel this way and have any advice as to how they handle times like these? I have looked into various faiths - traditional and new age, but whatever drives me also makes it clear that I cannot follow another's teachings. I got to maturity without the aid of any spiritual prop, it feels too late and too wrong now to start using one now.

It all seems to be about balance, expression, self protection and regular grounding. The mental image I've had for days now has been of an angel with her feet rooted in the earth so her mind can fly through the stars.

anyone?

Sorry to hear you are feeling down arc.

I can't offer any advice but I do hope that this short lived.

thanks John. I'm not that 'down' as such just all over the place in a scared but oddly happy way. Is there such a thing as psychic growing pains?

Stop worrying about how you come across to others,don't pay any attention to whether they consider you to be a success or not,pay no mind to how they see you,it doesn't matter.
Modesty and Living a lifestyle which you know is right will help you to feel better about yourself,you will always get negative stuff from the rest of the herd if you don't run with them or follow the same path,disregard them,they are the ones on the wrong path more often than not.
Measure yourself by the measure of the past,cars and money and nifty clothes are just fleeting measure,tomorrow they change,follow the ways that are still considered honorable,that have always been considered honorable.
Don't worry about money,it is not the thing which will keep you sane and alive,the thing you need is already in you,you will notice that this thing that is already inside of you is something that you will be discouraged from looking at,this is because the ones in power in the world today know if you see it,you will realise that they have no true power over you.
Sorry if this sounds flaky,it makes sense if you really think about it,there is no profit in our finding out that what we really need to have a rewarding life is something they cannot make a profit from.
Deny them,they are the destroyers of all things.
Anyway.....

the quest for the holy grail

just a reply from a schitzophrenic...

I notice the Package you carry:
Balance, Expression, Self-Protection, (regular) Grounding

your 'bundle' has no; Heritage, Antiquity, in it.....?

did you, in the past, discard....'faiths, traditions, and religious ritual...' as only clumberson-superstition??~~
~~~

you know what... Role Playing & Psycho Drama
are valuable tools... & a fun way 'to journey'

you can be be Cleopatria one day & Joan of Arc the next
(the grounding in your bundle allows you to do this)

perhaps alien, will have thoughts on this...

PS: 'solitary path' does not imply alone & stranded...rather, a distinctive direction, impeccibly traveled & individual

enjoy your journey

I feel you arc. Been going through some of the same diametrically opposed emotions myself. To me, it's just me coming together. I am all those things. They now seek balance. Hold them all in without label. This is who you are. Don't worry about what you can give at this point. When you can Be then those that can See will see. That is your gift. Offer back to the universe what it has given you; you. You without label, you without judgement. You as all that you are. Nothing less will do, nothing more is expected.

But that is just me and may not be correct for you. I offer it as is, without expectation.

You are now going thru what I was for a very long time.

One must look within themselves for the true answer and meaning of things. Trying to be what others think you are or should be is detrimental to ones self.

Remember this and you should always go in the proper direction. Each and every one of us has the Holy Spirit within us. All we can do is pass God's love to others. We should not expect the same in return. Do not concern yourself with what others think of you.

I am a member of no organized religion. However, I hold the father close to me, and he does the same in return. I notice you say it is too late to reach for spiritual fullfillment. You are definitely incorrect.

The kingdom of heaven is all around us. The answers you seek are all around you. Your heart(soul) always steers you in the proper direction. Listen to it and not what others tell you or want you to be or believe.

God gave us all everything we needed to be what each of us wants to be and do. It is whether we listen to our soul and follow our soul's direction on whether things are pursued or not.

I recently was very much like you. However, I had a profound spiritual awakening that has changed my views on much. Feel free to contact me if you wish.

i feel you a quote written by me a couple of months ago...
" and the truth; that path be a very dangerous wise one...
fear not to walk the path of truth for when we walk it is not alone..."

I think that many of us have been there... it's a particular burden for the intelligent, the creative -- and if the package comes wrapped up in a female body, the sense of dissociation brought about is even stronger.

A wise person suggested to me that I read Herman Hesse's "Magister Ludi" and "The Glass Bead Game." He said, "there are others like you. They find their paths."

He was right. That was all the assurance I needed.

You seem to be laboring under the universal expectation that once you hit 21, you become magically competant and powerful and all-wise and you never make mistakes and you always turn things to the better. And in spite of ALL evidence to the contrary (just look at the walking 'bad example' adults around you), we all feel that we go astray when we goof up.

You're just human, eh?

Imagine if you did not find your passion or your outlet and you came to be on your death bed. Not a good feeling to anticipate, but many people will end up this way and be (not blissfully) unaware of it, having lived a life of passive consumption and non-involvement, and departing the mortal coil unregretted. I see them every day, in both the corporate drones and the entrepreneurs who have lived for material wealth and done no inner work, ever.

A little while ago I gave myself a while longer to work out what it is I want to do when I grow up. I have done more than most, but not with passion. Time to be, and not to do, then time to do again, like never done before.

It is too much of a shock for some when they realise that what they have spent their whole life in pursuit of was not what they thought it was,I have never been what some consider successful,but I am happier than most who are , even though I am broke and one step away from being homeless.
Sure wish those in control of the US would make an effort to fix this economy instead of going to so much trouble to kill off third world civilians and pursue their own fortune at the expense of the less fortunate.
I would only ask for things to be a little better than they are now so I could get my heat turned on,it's damn cold in my house right now.

It sounds very serious,and it has nothing to do with Batman....There is a point that you reach where no outter form of religion or ritual or belief will carry you any longer.You have been brought back around full-circle to the only thing that you ever really had....yourself.It's 'The Dark Night Of The Soul'-where you finally go it alone.I'm not being trite when I say this.
I've been there,(and sometimes I still go back!),you see the value and kernel of truth in all of the teachings you study,and,being able to look at any given situation and be able to analyze it,to see all of the implications of ANY decision or movement,you are virtually frozen by indecision.(If you choose not to decide,you still have made a choice...-not mine-rush!).
As for doing what makes you happy,do as Joseph Campbell said,"Follow Your BLISS"....you know when you ask your inner-most self,"What career would make me happiest?"-What is your dream job?What would your life be like if it were turning out in the way that you obviously wish it were going?".
If you have an ideal of what your life should be like,if you know you're not living up to your full potential,then you know what to do,but like so many people,you are overwhelmed by what kind of effort it would take to accomplish your goal.....
And it usually comes down to this;How much energy are willing to expend to realize your dream?How much inconvienience will you suffer,how many tough decisions will you be willing to make?-What actually has to happen to make your goals manifest?
Are you willing to do what it takes to make it happen?
A lot of people in our society surrender and turn themselves over to the rent,the job,the partner...the world.Are you going to acquiesce,and give in,or are you going to fight to create the reality you know is possible?
How much fight do you have left in you?
Perhaps all of this chaos comes from flying with only one wing.....When you fly with both wings,equally and strongly,you fly straight,you make progress.When you fly with only one wing,you will only fly in circles.
One wing is the world,and one wing is the spiritual world....
So it all comes back around to yourself and balance.
If you fight the depression,if you break the cycle of conditions that allow it to manifest,if you are willing to work harder than those you see around you,if all you really want in the end is to live a peaceful,productive and happy life,then you must do anything within your power to make this potential life become a reality for you.Our modern "Alter of Sacrifice"...what is our most sacred commodity????-Our time and our energy.
If you have a sense of your potential,and you never pursue it,you will always be left with that slightly dissatisfied pang hanging in the background,whether you make it to the point of driving a Lexus or not.
You know what you want,you know what it takes...
If this were a Tarot reading,your 'Final Outcome' card would be,THE WORLD............

FLY WITH BOTH WINGS!

[Edited on 9/29/03 by shamanseeker]

reply to post by arc


YES...and they canin spurts or phases, just like adolescents,puberty,and becoming an adult...hang on for the ride, the wave settles down after a bit. I know , easier said than done, try meditation or breathing tech. when you feel anxious, try mentally grounding yourself to the earth (visualize sitting on the ground , in a place of your choice,by water,etc. , even if this place doesn't really exist,you create it & then it's your calming/safe place.)Peace patience & balance. Citizen K

Keep your thoughts mumbling.
Keep your questions alive.
Keep your mind active.
Keep your search strong.
Keep your instincts at bay.
Keep your humanity growing.
Nothing is as real as your energy of being. You are at the crossroad that will determine your life experience. The exploration of our individuality is the commonsensical road to freedom.
The truth about oneself has always been inside oneself.

Kacou.

reply to post by arc




a wealth of information can be found by searching;

Maslow Pyramid

Self Actualization

transpersonal Psychology




see if there are a few needs that are not being attended to within the 2nd & 3rd layers of the 'Maslow Pyramid',

and those fundamental building blocks result in an unstable level of you self-actualization self....
which in turn is causing cracks in your transpersonal psyche.


retrace your psychological makeup, and attend to those things which result in depression & such...


thanks,

reply to post by arc


pray to G-D-----------ask for Him for help-------------read exodus20-------leviticus 11/deuteronomy14-----------stop sinning the best you can------start keeping the 7th day sabbath(saturday)-------------tithe 10% of your income to the religious organization that appears to be the most ethical to you(change later if you find out they were wrong)but don't worry about it------------G-D has more than enough money(He doesn't really need money malachi 3:8---but needs to know where your priorities are) and He will bless you with peace anyway.
all you can do is try to do what is right to receive peace and eventual salvation.

I think your loneyly maybe. Maybe you need a girl or you need God in your life. Try praying for God to help you and read a little of the bible and see what happens patients is a vertue.