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News Reports

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posted on Dec, 27 2005 @ 09:12 AM
We normally expect news services to be precise and professional. It makes slip-ups all the more amusing.



"Slain Doctor Worried About His Death" -- In a local paper in Canada.

"Public Inquiry To Be Launched Into Avalanche" -- A front page headline in the National Post.

"Youth Hit By Train Is Rushed To Two Hospitals" -- In a local paper.

"Ministry Probes Dead Fish" -- In a local paper in Canada.

"Nixon Beneath the Surface" -- The headline of an expose column about Richard Nixon, several days after his death.

"Golfing Immortal Dies Aged 69" -- A headline in a New Zealand paper.

"Flawless Take-Off Marred By Hitch" -- A headline in a New Zealand paper.

"Holy Mother Crushes Sacred Infant" -- In a Catholic newspaper, referring to a basketball game between two Catholic High Schools.

"Women Look Good" -- In a Canadian newspaper, referring to the women's curling team during the 1998 Winter Olympics.

"Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use" -- A local newspaper of a suburb of Toronto, describing a committee set up by the board of education and the local municipality to investigate marijuana use among high school students.

"Church Plan Upsets Brothel" -- Adelaide Advertiser, October 23, 2000

"Man Died of Natural Causes" -- Wirral News Group, October 25, 2000

"School Praised After Vandalism" -- West Briton, November 9, 2000

"Tortoises Held Hostage As Lobster War Turns Nasty" -- Independent, November 19, 2000

"Rise of 'Mutants' Leaves France a Divided Nation" -- Times, November 21, 2000

"Pepsi To Increase Recycled Content In Products." -- The headline of an article in Plastics news about Pepsico increasing the amount of recycled plastic in their bottles.


News Articles:

"The glamorous 17-year-old wants to be a policewoman some day, like her dad." -- From a New Zealand paper.

"Although as a rider and breeder she has won countless prizes, she says she enjoys an occasional beating." -- From a New Zealand paper.

"'It's a sad and tragic fact that, if you're a farmer, you are three times more likely to die than the average New Zealander,' he said. The rate was even worse for farm workers." -- From a New Zealand paper.

"Latest census figures show that more than one New Zealander is a Maori or Polynesian." -- A New Zealand paper's cautious yet accurate report.

"Visitors to the sandspit are advised that there is a prohibited area near the groin." -- From a New Zealand paper.

"However, things are not always as simple as they seem. Is all this precipitation being monitored? And if it is, why? And if why, then by whom? To all these questions, the answer is yes." -- From a New Zealand paper.

"The driver involved in this incident asked that her gender not be revealed." -- From a Sydney, Australia, paper.

"'There's a tendency among the press to attribute the creation of a game to a single person,' says Warren Spector, creator of Thief and Deus Ex." -- From an IGN game review.


Radio News:

"There's an overturned tractor-trailer heading north on Route 93." -- Report in a radio station's morning traffic update.

"Seasonal weather for the time of year." -- Radio weather report.

posted on Jan, 3 2006 @ 12:19 AM

When I was at school, there were scrolling news monitors (not general news, but "school" news) placed in each building (3 buildings). One day me and some friends noticed a headline saying:

Mexican Goat Suckers
If you made of these on your induction day, please collect them from Room 121

It doesn't seem as hilarous now as it did at the time, though. The headline was priceless.

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