posted on Dec, 24 2005 @ 12:36 AM
The literary train wreck for posterity's sake:
Twas The Night Before ATSmas.
A genetically altered abomination by Mirthful Me.
Twas the night before ATSmas, and all through the board,
not a member was posting, not even the Overlord.
The forms were arranged on the site with care,
In hopes that Simon Gray would soon be there.
The members were offline, in every time zone,
With visions of “Way Aboves” on their profiles shown.
I in my Fez, and parrhesia in her foil hat,
Had just settled in, for a little Skype chat.
When across the board arose such an alarm,
I sprang to my keyboard to see what was the harm.
I opened a window, and clicked on a link,
I scanned every forum, every thread I could think.
My display flickered, as I did rapidly scroll,
I was looking for anything, even a troll.
When what to my wine impaired eyes did I see,
But a flying saucer, and eight ATS Mods I decree.
With a humanoid driver, from outer space,
I knew in a moment, he was an alien race.
More rapid than Aurora, or Blackbird they streaked,
The names of his Staff, he loudly shrieked.
“Now Pantha, now Nerdling, now Eron, and UK Wizard,
On Sanctum, on Intrepid, on Amuk, and KingLizard!”
“To the top of Big Boards, to the top of the web,
The greatest conspiracy site, your enthusiasm can’t ebb!”
As fuzzy video from Mexico they did fly,
Mysterious lights, and flashes across the sky.
So beyond Area 51 they did flew,
With a saucer full of Applause, and Simon too.
And then, in a download, I heard a PODcast,
The server was humming, it was incredibly fast.
As I looked up from my screen, and adjusted my sight,
Simon materialized, with a bright flash of light.
He was dressed in nothing, his grey skin did glow,
This close encounter, was not for a show.
A bundle of points was slung on his back,
He looked like ET, on a bivouac.
His eyes were like almonds, his head was quite large,
His gaze left no doubt, to who was in charge.
His droll little mouth was just a slit,
And his tentacle fingers did constantly flit.
A shiny probe in his hand he did wave,
Now it was my monkey butt, that I wanted to save.
I was paralyzed by a ray, my skin it did sear.
When this was all over, I wanted a beer.
He was a strange and odd sort of a creature,
Like the kind you see, in B movie double feature.
With a bat of his eye, I knew I had been had,
It was like being a Florida ballot, with a pregnant chad.
He made not a sound, as I was electronically tagged,
Then back to my computer, I was then dragged.
With a snap of his fingers, and the same bright flash,
He disappeared faster, than evidence of a UFO crash.
He jumped to his disc, to his Mods gave a shout,
Across my lawn he did a burn out.
But I heard him exclaim, before vanishing like a ghost,
“Merry ATSmas to all, and to all a good post.”