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An Italian joke, and Science Jokes

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posted on Dec, 18 2005 @ 11:43 AM
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Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her.
"Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

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The 3 Laws of Thermodynamics:

1. You have to play the game, and no matter how hard you try, you can't leave the game.

2. No matter how hard you try, you can't win at the game.

3. Hell... you can't even break even.

(1. Everything has energy. 2. You can never change energy with more than 100% efficiency. 3. You can never change energy with 100% efficiency. Alternative format "You can only break even on a very cold day (zero kelvin) - but it never gets that cold.")

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There were three engineers debating the nature of God: a structural engineer, an eletrical engineer, and a civil engineer. The structural engineer spoke first,

"God must've been a structural engineer! Just look at the human body! The skeletal structure is an amazing thing. It moves where it needs to and it is strong everywhere else. Not to mention that it provides shape and stability."

The electrical engineer spoke next.

"No, God is an electrical engineer because regardless of the structure, the body could not operate without the nervous system. This system has used electricity since the inception of life. God HAS to be an electrical engineer."

They both turned to the civil engineer to get his view on this topic. After thinking about the human body for a while, he replied, "You are both wrong. God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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Did you hear the one about the Christian Botanist who had twins?

She baptised one and kept the other as a control.

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A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes that he is lost, so he reduces his altitude and spots a man on the ground down below. Lowering the balloon a little further, the balloonist shouts "Excuse me Sir! But can you help me? I promised my friend that I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am!"
The man on the ground replies, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering at approximately 30 feet. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude, and between 58 and 59 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a geologist," says the balloonist.
"Why, yes I am," replies the man on the ground. "How on earth did you know?"
"Well", says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is well described. It is also technically and geographically accurate. However, I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact of the matter is I have spent much valuable time conversing with you and I am still lost. Furthermore, I will not be able to make my appointment now."
The geologist below nods his head and says, "You must be a manager in an oil company."
"Why, yes I am," replies the balloonist, "But how did you guess that?"
"Well," says the geologist, "You have no idea where you are or where you are going. Also, you have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem for you. The real fact of the matter is that you are in exactly the same position now as what you were in before we met, yet now your predicament has somehow become my fault."




posted on Dec, 18 2005 @ 11:50 AM
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The jokes, and your avatar (The Deciever is my very good friend) are superb.

I especially liked the one about the botanist; thanks for sharing



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