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Bush: "The UFO's are ours. There are no aliens."
Written by jd Balderdash
In one fell swoop President Bush broke the hearts, minds and spirits of UFO enthusiasts everywhere when he publicly debunked and denounced the existence of Roswell, Zeta Reticular, crop circles, Harry Truman, Area 51, blue spinning cigar shaped glowing globes at night, orbs, glorbs, norbs, mutilated cattle, Art Bell, George Norry too, the Jetsons, abductions, worm holes, little green men, little green Men in Black, alien autopsies, phone home, Sigourny Weaver, 3rd Rock, Star Trek .. the whole ball of extraterrestrial wax all the way down to ALF saying,
"We are alone in this universe. The UFO's are ours."
I can't go into details about our experimental anti-gravity technology because first, ... I don't KNOW the details and even if I did I couldn't go into the details here on Good Morning America about ..
Laura? You know how them saucers work?"
Laura Bush, also on the program replying,
"They spin George. Spin .. using inverse di-polar negative centrifugal inertia .. got it?"
Bush going on to explain, "They .. uh, spin".
Donald Rumsfeld in a White House briefing later said,
"I too am not at liberty to say how we developed the saucers. I can say, however that we're NOT responsible for those crop circles. Well, maybe a few in Idaho but for the most part our saucers just pop into then out of view .. mostly to rural country residents in the deep south who've had one too many Schlitz Malt Liquor Bulls."
When asked if one of our military saucers has ever "abducted" anyone on the ground Rumsfeld said,
"No, not recently. Next question."
When asked why this astounding revelation at THIS point in earth history Bush replied ..
"This war .. Iraq .. it's time to send in the saucers, wrap this thing up, bring our troops home."
Bush, still on Good Morning America added,
"President Truman mistakenly mis-TOOK a simple weather balloon crash outside Roswell as an alien invasion and the 1950's PRESS blew the whole alien ET thing WAY out of proportion. Kinda like you folks are doing now with my Iraq policies. "
The president concluded the interview with,
"I just wanted to prepare you folks is all .. for the perhaps incredible stuff you might see coming down the pike on CNN pretty soon. Iran's not launchin no thermo nuclear nothin with 30,000 of our saucers hovering over Tehran. Russia? Korea? China you can join in too if you like, bring it on all FOUR of you together but, like in that .. uh movie .. 2 minute battle max. 3 if we take a coffee break bring it on."
" Laura? How do those gizmo's work again?"