Austrialia

page: 1
0
<<   2 >>

log in

join

posted on Dec, 6 2005 @ 02:29 PM
link   
Any advice for a person who will be visiting there soon?




posted on Dec, 6 2005 @ 03:53 PM
link   
Yeah..........watch out for all the freakin' snakes and spiders that can kill you!

I'd walk around in a beekeepers outfit the whole time if I were you. It's the only way to be completely safe.

Peace



posted on Dec, 6 2005 @ 04:03 PM
link   
The crocs are safe so dont worry about what you saw on tv. You can just put your head in their mouths and they wont bite down.



posted on Dec, 6 2005 @ 04:34 PM
link   
its summer here so be prepared for hot weather. If you are visiting the topcis wear cotton and natural fibres only. jeans and t-shirts or shorts is kinda a uniform here.

Tipping isn't important like it is in other countries, although it is nice to get a tip. The natives are friendly so if you need assistance just ask someone.

Planned tours can be a rip off. Best idea is to come here and find some locals with knowledge to point you in the right direction or to the best tours to take. Tour operators and tourism places have a kickback scheme and its designed to empty your pockets. Be wary of your pocket.

If you would like to tell us a few of the places you are going I and others can give you more information. Its such a large place.

Cairns is the best spot, so much to do, the barrier reff and rainforest make for hundreds of things to do. The Gold cost with the theme parks is great for families. The outback is great for Ayer Rock (ulura) *spell

The outback is hot and dry though at this time of year.

Domestic flights internally can often be bought cheap over the net from jetstar.com virginblue.com.au and qantas.com

Most places have internet cafes so bring your lappie with you. If you want more info about specifics feel free to u2u me.

oh and learn some trine before you come otherwise you wont have a clue what we are talking about

We drive on the left side of the road.



posted on Dec, 10 2005 @ 05:48 PM
link   
Beware: blatent quoting coming up. This is less of a guide to travelling in Oz and more of a guide to the Australian sense of humour, which is an institution of its own, and can take some getting used to.
Ps. No offence is intended by the the following. I found it here.


These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. (between brackets the country where the question was coming from)

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water with you.

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific, which does not…… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked!

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send you the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tria is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is…. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked!

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink!

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them!

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.



posted on Dec, 10 2005 @ 06:04 PM
link   
OMG those were hilarious SurfDiveSail! I was falling out of my chair laughing!



posted on Dec, 14 2005 @ 09:35 PM
link   
SurfDiveSail, that was one of the funniest things I;ve read in a long time.

If you're going to come here, head down south, to Victoria, and go surfing at Torquay. Who knows, you might just meet me.



posted on Dec, 14 2005 @ 09:41 PM
link   
OMG!!!
x 1000
they were hilarious


@ come naked!

If U haven't already purchased a copy U should pick up The Lonely Planet which will help U out with things to do and where to stay and eat etc ..

If U have any questions specific to Victoria I'll do my best to be of assistance




[edit on 14-12-2005 by ImJaded]



posted on Dec, 14 2005 @ 11:45 PM
link   
Okay, I've been to Australia 3 times now, been in love with 2 different Aussie women. First things first, you need to start jumping into Australian chatrooms, & get to know some of the lingo & cultural differences.

Learning about them, & not telling them off would be a good idea too. Don't ever get on the bad side of an Aussie, or they'll skin ya.

You can U2U Me, for more advice, if you want. I'll be sure & drop into this thread more often, but what I gave you is good advice for now, that's exaclt what I've done. I've been talking to Aussies since the year 2000.

I've got extended family, from the friends I have there now.

Oh, by the way, try the Vegimite when it's offered to you, & I won't share My opinion of it, you won't want to hear it, lol.

[edit on 14-12-2005 by SpartanKingLeonidas]



posted on Dec, 15 2005 @ 12:08 AM
link   
Okay, here's a few words for you.

Yank = That would be you, an American

Hooroo = Kinda like "Hello" another one G'day = Hello

Bonza = Totally awesome

Bangers = Sausages

By the way, half the population loves Steve Irwin & Crocodile Dundee, the other half can't stand them & think they're both a joke.

The country folk are usually the ones who love them, the city people who can be (not always) a bit on the snobby side, are the ones who usually don't like them.

Another thought to share, Aussie's do NOT drink Fosters, at least not the ones I know, their joke is that it's rocket fuel & they only make it to send to us dumb Yanks.

No, all Aussie's, do NOT have a kangaroo in their back yards, & they don't all throw boomerangs, it's mostly the original Aborigines that do that.

I've been 1 foot from a live, & wild kangaroo twice now, & I had the opportunity to pet them both, as they were fairly tame, but it was only because it was a highly trafficked area where the kangaroos are fed, when they weren't supposed to be fed.

DO NOT pet a kangaroo, as they have 3 inch claws on their hind legs, & can cut you open from your throat to your crotch, this is why I never did it. They're beautiful animals, but still wild & dangerous, no matter how cute.

If an Aussie starts asking if you know what a "Drop Bear" is, he's about to yank your chain, lol.

Tasmanian Devils, are in Tasmania which is an island South of Australia, which is technically a state of Australia. Yes, Tassie Devils are real, & no they don't spin around like a nutcase, like in the cartoons, & yes they make all kinds of funny squeaking noises, & will eat ANYTHING, they are Omnivores.

[edit on 15-12-2005 by SpartanKingLeonidas]

[edit on 15-12-2005 by SpartanKingLeonidas]

[edit on 15-12-2005 by SpartanKingLeonidas]



posted on Dec, 15 2005 @ 01:33 AM
link   
When you come over try to fly Qantas. The reason Qantas has never crashed is because of the 'Gripe Sheet'.


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about the problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground-crews lack a sense of humour.

Here is some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance (marked with an M) By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident (Except that one that we don't talk about).

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P:Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget.

Science may someday discover what faith has always known.



posted on Dec, 15 2005 @ 10:28 PM
link   
Well, I haven't had a laugh like that in a lllooonnnggg time. Thanks to the resident Aussie's of ATS. Thanks mates.

I'm itching to go back to Australia soon. Some reason, I just can't stay away. I've been to Sydney (duh, you land there, but I was there for a week or two thru different trips), Wagga Wagga, & Melbourne respectively.

I love Australia, & it's a beautiful place to visit. Some day I'm going to own a home in both the US & Australia.



posted on Dec, 19 2005 @ 12:57 PM
link   
yeah...remember...ozzys are the desendants of criminals...sent to their own personal tropical paradise as punishment and with the infinite wizdom of the british goverment, whilst we stayed over in the uk in the rain!

good show goverment...thanks for that!

just remember these little hints.....

call everyone bruce,

beat women every time they answer you back or try to come to the pub,

drink lager all day everyday,

throw shrimps on barbys,

or just barbecue everything,

walk round in board shorts and flip flops everyday and at all times,

say "G-day" as many times as possible,

dont leave your baby (if you have one?) any where near a dingo,

point at women on the beach (if your a man?) and say things like "look at the top bollock$ on that sheila!" as loud as you can,

fight a lot,

loose the ashes,

fight a bit more,


this should help you get started.......


lol,lol,lol...sorry,sorry,sorry........apologies to any ozzies......only fun!



posted on Dec, 20 2005 @ 04:56 AM
link   
Oh yeah, try not to sleep where big 4X4's are roaring over the dunes. Like some of our British cousins are wont to do. Sleeping huh?



posted on Dec, 20 2005 @ 06:10 AM
link   
There's been some great jokes in this thread, and they were all made better by a constant mental image of Steve Irwin


I want to visit Australia, but for 2 reasons:

1) It's too hot, I get flustered enough in the UK's weather, and ours is pathetic.

2) I'd be too dissapointed when I found out that all the streets don't look as nice as Ramsay Street, and that Harold Bishop wouldn't be serving me coffee in the local diner


But I'll still end up going one day I'm sure, it looks like an amazing country



posted on Dec, 20 2005 @ 07:58 AM
link   
JBurns which city will you actually be visiting ?
Different cities different things to know



posted on Dec, 21 2005 @ 12:41 AM
link   

Originally posted by SurfDiveSail
Beware: blatent quoting coming up. This is less of a guide to travelling in Oz and more of a guide to the Australian sense of humour, which is an institution of its own, and can take some getting used to.
Ps. No offence is intended by the the following. I found it here.


These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. (between brackets the country where the question was coming from)

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water with you.

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific, which does not…… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked!

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send you the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tria is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is…. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked!

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink!

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them!

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.


Omg - too funny. i havent laughed that hard in a long time .
Dam thats some funny stuff.



posted on Dec, 21 2005 @ 01:28 AM
link   

Originally posted by Beelzebubba
When you come over try to fly Qantas. The reason Qantas has never crashed is because of the 'Gripe Sheet'.


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about the problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground-crews lack a sense of humour.

Here is some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance (marked with an M) By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident (Except that one that we don't talk about).

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what they're for.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.


Sorry I can't give this one the WATS vote, but as funny as it is, I've read it before. Those are my favourite entries, BTW.

Just remember, Australia has 9 of the 10 deadliest snakes on earth and the deadliest spider on earth.

To quote Terry Pratchett.

When Death asks his library for a list of all the non-dangerous animals in four-ecks (XXXX - Terra Incognita!), he is given a single sheet of paper that reads:

"Some of the sheep."

[edit on 21-12-2005 by HowlrunnerIV]



posted on Dec, 24 2005 @ 01:29 PM
link   
Thank you everyone! I really appreciate all of the help and information.


What is the climate like year round?



posted on Dec, 24 2005 @ 04:20 PM
link   
In many places in Australia you can get four seasons in one day.

Depends on we're your headed and the time of year.

I'd say we definately have less pollution then most countries.

Brisbanes, is very hot at this time of year but you still get cool breezes.

Our Christmas Day is set to be around 40 degrees.





new topics
top topics
 
0
<<   2 >>

log in

join