posted on Dec, 4 2005 @ 05:44 PM
well, i guess i will try this again. Maybe I am not supposed to pour
this out on this site. I've learned not to fight what goes against me,
for in the end, it is really in favor of me. So here it goes for
anyone that is interested in lending a helping hand. i have tried with
so many people, but they just don't get it. I actually am exhausted
already, just thinking about all of this again. but, every day, I am
It all started in 2001. I was the international honors society
president of my college, which i returned to after a divorce in 1999.
i had three children, 4, 6 and 13, all boys. I remember I wanted a
girl so bad, i used to say "I wish I just had 1 girl!" Be careful what
you wish for! I had moved back home with my mom so i could work and go
to school full time. things seemed great. i was going to go to
medical school, my mother's dream. but something happened. i fell in
love with anthropology, native american culture in fact. i put all of
my time into an upcoming archaeology dig that i was going to help lead
in southern california with my professor and put medical school aside.
that didn't thrill my mother. i got to go on two outings to be exact.
i wasn't to return to these mountains for a couple of years to come. i
somehow believe that my future from then on started on top of that
mountain on one hot day in june. i've always believed very much in
humanity and practicing what you preach, and always abhorred hipocracy.
i have never really done anything bad to anyone, and was always kind
of a goody goody, but a social butterfly (the two don't match
sometimes). i was voted most likely to succeed and most likely to drop
out. funny, they both happened. i'm a mensa member, but you would
never know it after seeing how emotionally retarded i am! ha ha.
So, i'll speed this up, got to leave room for the book, right. My mom
ended up throwing me out of her house with nowhere to go and i was
devastated. that was an impossible thought, i still am in awe over the
whole thing. but, i do believe things have to happen for us to be able
to see what we are meant to see. Sometimes those things are completely
unexplainable so that we do actually see them and can't make excuses
I told my mom that i would leave the kids with her since that's where
they were used to being, until i could find somewhere to go. she
agreed. my mom was the one person that i always knew would be there.
that would change. after finding a place after two weeks, i went to
pick up the kids. she had called social services and filed
abandonment. i was floored. social services said to come in for a
meeting. when i showed up there was my mom, my stepdad, the kids and my
two wife-beating ex-husbands. i went into an emotional rollercoaster
that to this day, i still feel at times. it fogged my mind from
anything i could normally "figure out". I took the two little ones
with me but my older son wanted to stay with his dad since he had never
known him. that would be easy, he and my other ex husband both now
lived with my mom. how could she let men that beat her daughter wake
up in her house. i couldn't get over it. then on July 27 my car was
set on fire behind a bar. it war pretty melted by the time we got the
fire out, but drivable. one thing after another, my life became
someone else's right in front of me, and i couldn't stop it, no matter
how i tried. i went to stay with my boyfriend that i was pregnant with
on 9/9, his birthday with the kids. two days later was 9/11, we all
know what happened that day. my mom was making up all of these lies
and i just wanted to get away from her, but i couldn't. disaster
happened everywhere. i finally had to file for welfare (i was
devastated). the put me up in my "1st" motel. don't let anyone fool
you, they are no vacation spot. if you want to find out all about the
reality of life, live in a motel for awhile. i was to later find out
how totally naive i was. i finally believed that ignorance is bliss.
That was something that i never believed would be possible. i was the
"why" girl. had to know the answer to everything. i too, like some of
the other people posting on this forum, thought i related to people,
and had hundreds of friends. the next day, none. i didn't really
relate to any except on a superficial level. i have come to the
conclusion that i am judgemental and feel totally guilty for having a
"i'm better than thou" attitude. I always try to help people grow and
can't understand when they don't want to. how can people be happy in
such a small knowledge based world. i always got straight a's but i
wasn't very smart. i guess you don't get smart until it's time. then,
you don't have to try very hard. i am still confused on a lot of it.
so this is where I first get to visit "The House" which is the torment
of my soul. It was also the first time i would be introduced to 111.
Please remember, i have a lot more knowledge as i tell the story now,
but at the time, it was just one event after another. a lot of it
didn't start to blend until much later.
My mom and ex husbands managed to get temporary custody of the children
(completely unbelievable), but that had to happen, or else i wouldn't
be telling you this story.
I met a girl and her daughter, Danny, (also the name of the person that
had my car set on fire, and Dana is my brother's name that committed
suicide when i was 19). we decided to look for a place together. we
got the sunday paper and i saw the ad of a lifetime. too good to be
true. 6 bedroom house on 10,000 square foot lot for only 1100 per
month. in southern california, that is unheard of. i am going to leave
locality out of the picture for reasons that you will see later.
Needless to say, everybody was really stressing out because of 9/11. i
was all alone, all of a sudden had no friends and thrown into a world i
didn't know. i grew up in a wealthy neighborhood and i guess was very
ignorant to any inhumanity in the world. i've always laughed over
pretty much anything. i can find a funny even in the worse situations.
During this time, before calling the number, the girl (teresa) told me
to talk to her friend, tommy, because he worked on cars. he took me to
his work and said maybe his boss would help me out after hearing my
story. he did offer to help and said he would fix my car. he even got
me a rental car. he would do much more for me later. this was early
october. He was from Jordan.
So, there we sat, and i called the number. When the guy answered, he
gave me the address to "the house" (but spelled the name wrong, even
though i would find it anyway.) i said thanks and what was his name.
He said it was Mo.
I'll be back for the next part.