The neo-con e-mail o' the day

My neo-con buddy Don strikes again. Here's the email I received from him today. Next time I see him I'm gonna slap him upside the head!

The History of Liberals and Conservatives

History began some 12,000 years ago. (Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of Beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and, together, were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlymen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added)(& foo foo coffee), but most prefer white wine or imported, bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, fighter pilots, athletes and generally anyone who works productively outside government.
Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to respond to the above instead of simply laughing and deleting or forwarding it.

Like I've said before I don't take him sending me this crap seriously. It's all in good fun. He's just bitter 'cause I'm stomping him in fantasy football right now.

Opinions?

Peace

Well..... it seems that this is actually a very well written redesign of the truth about Thanksgiving. What you received was written by someone else as I've seen it before.
However, do a google for "The great thanksgiving hoax" and check out the first hit, and read it.
Fortunately, I was tought this in school, when I was old enough to understand it, but too young to think I knew everything. Both are actually true, if a bit too pointed for some.

I was a catholic untill I reached the age of common sense;
I was a democrat until I started working for a living.

"Here ends today’s lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to respond to the above instead of simply laughing and deleting or forwarding it."

Wouldnt conservatives do the same?

Dont have a clue what all that means but I like beer A LOT and most of my views are left of center. But then i like my steak rare, and also sushi and tofu, im so lost?

Why would that make you want to slap your friend? Sounds to me like he is a pretty smart guy to recognize the truth in that humorous email. You are blessed with some truly wonderful friends; take council from those kind!