I enjoyed reading your story. It is hard writing a ghost story in todays overexposed and hyper-stimulated society. I was readily convinced that the house was haunted. The beinging of your story does a great job of making the reader feel and understand that there is something amiss inside the house.
I thought that is was strange that the mother would not start to wonder what exactly was going on in the house, until things got really out of control. I assumed it was because she placed herself in a state of denial, however when the dish fell on the floor and the t.v. turned itself off. she didnt seem to think twice about it. For me it was hard to believe that she could let the attic, plate, and televison incidents happen without her getting a bit nervous or apprehensive, wondering if there was something "other-worldly" going on.
I think that what would help is if you could show the reader a stronger sense of Stephanie's denial, such as her attributing the strange noises in the attic to her still dreaming, or the television turning off to a power surge. Nikki's character being central to all of the strange happenings in the house is great. Children are more times than not able to see and experience things that we adults are too "busy" to notice. It is also quite the norm for us adults to discredit what a child has to say as being something they made up, or just dont ubderstand.
There was only one other place in your story that was strange to me. When I read the last part of the story it sort of shocked me to be reading about Stephanies purchase of the house, because I was still "with" Stephanie and Nikki in the attic after their ordeal. I think if you placed a transition sentance before the start of chapeter 5, this would help ease the reader out of the ordeal in the attic. Maybe Stephanie could be dreaming about her purchase of the house, as an example.
I enjoyed reading your story, and I hope you dont mind my commenting on it.
I wish you great luck in the contest!
