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You might be a redneck....

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posted on Nov, 17 2005 @ 11:29 PM
You might be a redneck if....

--When you slam on the brakes, at least four dogs get jammed between the dashboard and windshield

--You have a crack on your windshield as long as your arm and it's been there at least a year

--Your wedding license can be found under the floorboards of your GTO

--Your taxidermist bill is greater than your yearly income

posted on Nov, 17 2005 @ 11:34 PM
If you have a collection of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on them!
If you invested in collectible NASCAR dinner plates. That's Dale Earnhardt, he ain't been in a wreck that's just a little bit of ketchup on his cheek.

posted on Nov, 18 2005 @ 09:21 PM
lol!!! you might be a redneck collect mcdonalds "collectible plates" tht have the whole Ronald mcdonald crew on them!

posted on Nov, 19 2005 @ 03:42 AM
If you have ever climbed a water tower with a can of spray paint to defend your sisters honor


you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
. . . you say "these are not the beers you are looking for."
. . . that "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans.
. . . the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside.
. . . you call your young apprentice, "Juner.(JR.)"
. . . you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.
. . . the Force isn't the only thing that runs in your family.
. . . you call Hank Williams Jr. "master".
. . . your landspeeder has a gun rack.
. . . you meditate to old CCR records.
. . . you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy.
. . . you have ever said, "Anger...Fear...Aggression...Yankees...the dark side are they."
. . . your X-Wing has a still in it.
. . . your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
. . . there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.
. . . your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.
. . . you trim your beard and find a Mylock.
. . . you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill.
. . . you use Jawas for a drink holders.
. . . you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
. . . you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
. . . you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D.
. . . you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
. . . you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.
. . . your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
. . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
. . . you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
. . . you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
. . . you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
. . . you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling.
. . . your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark'll be a hoot."
. . . you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light.
. . . you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
. . . you beat the Gammorean Guard in an "ugly" contest.
. . . your father's name is Garth Vader.
. . . you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
. . . you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister.
. . . you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.
. . . you count B.O. as a Jedi power.
. . . you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.

posted on Nov, 19 2005 @ 02:31 PM
There is one thing you can say about rednecks. We (I say "we" even though they don't claim me) can take a joke. How many groups can you name who if people posted the same kinds of jokes about would riot, file lawsuits, or start a war.

[edit on 2005/11/19 by GradyPhilpott]

posted on Nov, 19 2005 @ 05:16 PM
Not many Grady, not that many.

If your locomotive is in primer and you use it!

posted on Nov, 19 2005 @ 05:24 PM
You know your a redneck if ...

you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis collection.

... you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

... your front porch collapses and five dogs get killed.

... you no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.

... that billboard that says, “Say no to Crack” reminds you to pull up your jeans.

... you think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

... your wife’s hair-do was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.

... you go to your family reunions looking for a date.

... you think a Volvo is part of a womans anatomy.

... your Senior Prom had a Daycare.

... you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.

... taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

... you’ve got more than one kid named “Darryl”.

... you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin’ contest.

... on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

... you’ve ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.

... your favorite cooking competition entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.

... your child’s first words were, “Attention K-Mart staff”.

... your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

... your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin’.

... you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

... you’ve ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.

... you’ve ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.

... you vacuum your sheets instead of washing them.

... you’ve ever valet parked a snow plow.

... you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.

... you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.

... you’ve ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies.

... there are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.

... you have a Bud Light pool table light hanging over your dining room table.

... the strongest smell in your house is butane.

... you think paprika is a Third World country.

... you ask the preacher, “How’s it hangin?”

... you go to a stock car race and don’t need a program.

... you have a bumper sticker that says, “My mother’s an honor student” at the local junior high.

... you think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre.

... you played the banjo in your high school band.

... the velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.

... you have no hubcaps on your car because you’re using them to feed your hunting dogs.

... you can’t visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.

... your wife doesn’t put shoes on to go grocery shopping.

... you’ve ever been blacklisted by a bowling alley.

... you honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

... anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxide in a gallon container.

... you don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.

... your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.

... you owe a taxidermist more than your monthly income.

... you’ve ever caught bugs just so you could throw them in the bug zapper.

... you’ve ever hollered, “Rock the house, Bubba!” during a piano recital.

... your kids’ favorite bedtime story is “Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.”

... you know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.

... your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.

... you time your belches to achieve a personal best.

.. your new job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.

posted on Nov, 19 2005 @ 08:48 PM
If you consider fast food as hitting at 65 miles per hour.
If you want to add an addition to your trailer-home.

posted on Nov, 24 2005 @ 12:25 AM
lol i like the fast food one ..but it sounds like sometings missing like maybe "you consider fast food as hitting (whatever animal) at 65 miles per hour" or sometin like that maybe

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