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(HSSC) The Forging of Minds

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posted on Oct, 5 2005 @ 11:47 PM
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Please feel free to leave comments as I slowly spin my tale here for you...I hope you enjoy



Chapter One
Slowly Drifting Away

“…And highs in the mid-to-low 60s. Now we take you live to Casanova, with a crowd of star-gazers eagerly awaiting tonight’s meteor shower…”

Charlene turned off the channel-seven news and took a sip from her high-ball. The TV hissed away into the unrequited silence.

“The only ‘seven’ news I need is word on my next damn bottle of Seagram’s,” she sighed heavily into her glass. “Hey Tom,” Charlene managed to sputter, “Where’s that kid of yours at? You said he’d be here in ten minutes. It’s going on twelve!”

Tom was more eager to continue surfing the free porn sites he’d recently discovered, but he managed to mutter, “He’s on his way,” as he killed two surprise pop-ups and placed the finished cigarette butt onto the mountainous heap aside his mouse pad. He murmured something about French-ticklers and fell silent for the rest of the evening as Charlene slowly slipped away on the Lazy Boy.

Tom certainly was on his way…to better things that is. He’d long since forgotten that his step-mother needed her alcohol fix, and that his father was probably more concerned about his lighter-fuel than his son’s well-being. Josh had pulled his ’95 Ford Escort into the Greenway parking area several hours ago. It was the place to be to watch a meteor shower, and he wasn’t going to miss it for the world, much less for the cravings of an alcoholic.

The news crew had already made its rounds an hour ago, and Josh had eagerly side skirted the camera’s viewpoint to avoid being caught in the limelight. He only had a few friends, but they were all there on that chilly September night. You couldn’t really claim front-row seats to an event such as this, viewed in an expansive open field, but if there were such a things as the best seats in the house Josh and his buddies had them. They sat perched on the rolled-up hay logs, heads tilted to the heavens, and watched as the shower slowly began to trickle by.

As the meteors rolled over the skies and the star-gazers gazed, no one starred in awe at the fine particulate matter that settled among them; in their hair, in their clothes, in the town’s water supply.

The mind's eye catches many things we miss, and Josh possessing the keen mind he was gifted, felt a shiver run down his spine that cold morning of September in Eastern Kentucky as he walked to his car. His drive home was lonely and mesmerizing. He found himself in bed not remembering the trip home, but easily drifted into a calm and relaxing sleep.

There would be few nights ahead of peaceful and easy sleep for Josh and the remaining inhabitants of this planet we call Earth. Very few indeed…

[edit on 10/5/2005 by EnronOutrunHomerun]




posted on Oct, 6 2005 @ 12:02 AM
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Great start........................twiddleing my thumbs waiting for some more !!




posted on Oct, 13 2005 @ 03:54 PM
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Hi EnronOutrunHomerun,

Your story was very intriguing, and of course left me wanting more.
Your characters were quite believable, especially Tom. I could completely imagine him hunched over, eyes wide in delight as he surfed his porn sites. I found the flow of your story to be very smooth, and an easy read for me. There was only one sentence that I felt was a bit awkward:



The mind's eye catches many things we miss, and Josh possessing the keen mind he was gifted, felt a shiver run down his spine that cold morning of September in Eastern Kentucky as he walked to his car.


I think it would read a bit better if you were to place a period after "The mind's eye catches many things we miss...", and then having the next sentence start "Josh, gifted with a keen mind, ... ". Just my opinion of course.
(I hope you dont mind.)

I found it funny that Charlene was already drinking and was still anxious to get her next alcohol fix! (I know that alcoholism isnt funny at all, but in the context of the story, it was humorus for me.) She doesnt even care what her husband finds so intresting on the net. (Then again, she might be in to that herself!
)

Soooooo..... any hints as to when we will get to read the next installment??


p.s. (I almost forgot, in this sentence: "Tom certainly was on his way…to better things that is." Did, you mean for that to say "Josh certainly was on his way..."?)



posted on Oct, 13 2005 @ 04:10 PM
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That's a great suggestion sylvrshadow - And I appreciate your comments...and yours Mindwalker


I made a conscious effort to try and drop my atrocious posting grammar and follow some semblance of proper English, but for one reason or another I've always have had an odd method of structuring my sentences...I think it's all those years of learning the exact opposite in my German courses


I've got plans to make this quite an extensive journey but if I'm gonna meet the deadline, I do need to pick up my pace...

I promise you all much more very very soon....



posted on Oct, 19 2005 @ 09:13 PM
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Chapter Two
The Awakening

The hour was nearing 7:00 AM, and Charlene was just awakening from her alcohol-induced slumber. With a mouth as parched for water as the Serengeti, she stumbled her way into the U-shaped kitchen, noticing that Josh had already come and gone without so much as a pint of whiskey for her amusement. “This sort of behavior,” Charlene thought, “will not ease your passing in my house.”

She filled a sticky and unwashed tumbler with water from the tap, swirled several large gulps to hydrate that arid crevice, and swallowed…

For once in her life, she had proven the doctors wrong; alcohol wouldn’t be the death of her.


It wasn’t until later that afternoon that Tom was able to come to his senses and phone the police. He hadn’t even risen from bed until noon, and he then spent the subsequent two hours stalking random websites on his PC. It was a normal day until his stomach began to growl, which proceeded to direct him towards the cupboard.

For a man generally lacking any sense of emotion, his reaction to finding his wife of five years lifelessly laying on the cold linoleum tile was one of distraught anguish and lost hope. As though these last few years were all a dream, he wept more over their combined misfortunes than his recent loss. They had “something” those first nine months, but it was forever lost thereafter.

The 911 dispatcher was of little comfort to Tom’s uneasy nerves.

“Stay clam sir. Remain inside your home. Do not drink or run water from the tap. The town of Hazel Green is under quarantine.”

“Quarantine?” Tom said to himself as he closed his cell phone. “She can’t be serious.” And after several seconds of reflection, “I’ve got to find Josh!”

As he frantically searched for his keys, he began to notice the sounds of several large trucks making frequent stops. He stopped his search almost immediately and perked his ears up, listening with a ferocious intent that rivaled even his most voyeuristic of adventures.

Slowly stretching his index finger out over the blinds, he crumpled back an eyehole’s view and watched in awe as he saw the largest military presence his civilian eyes had ever seen, marching side-by-side the camo-green convoy of trucks.

A rap at the door startled him and he feel backwards onto an old hand-carved chair, splintering into pieces the last remaining heirloom his father had given him before he passed away.

“Deposit any dead bodies at your doorstep and collect your weeks rations! Stay indoors and await further announcements! You are under quarantine!”

Again, Tom stood motionless. As he gathered his thoughts, he could hear the same soldier making his message to the neighbors next door, and to those further down the street.

His immediate thought was to begin deleting the copious amounts of incriminating files on his computer, but he shunned this thought. He knew his crimes were petty in contention with what must lay before him. And so he did the only thing he knew safe to do…

He dragged Charlene’s body to the front door and exchanged it for his MREs and bottled water. The tears in his eyes had dried since earlier, but they were renewed with force once more as he closed the door and isolated himself from the world.

He picked up his phone once more and dialed Josh’s cell.

“Leave a message at the beep.” Josh’s voice then trailed off into a monotone beep and Tom, lost for words, hung up. What was he going to say? Why would Josh even care?

He was alone. He was terrified.

He had no son...


[edit on 10/19/2005 by EnronOutrunHomerun]



posted on Oct, 26 2005 @ 11:10 AM
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I'm posting this notice with a hint of optimism that maybe it won't be true....However, I'm afraid I may not be able to complete my story of Josh's adventure before the deadline rolls around...

I apologize if that comes as a disappointment to anyone - I'm certainly disappointed in myself...

But - I am still working on it...Contest or no contest, I will finish it....I've just been very busy of late and haven't been able to devote the time I had originally intended to dedicate to this story...

The second chapter was a bit more rushed than the first, and as a result, I wanted to spend a bit more time cleaning up the third....

So, I plan on putting the next chapter up later this evening, and where it goes from there only time will tell...

It's my hope that this will be a unnecessary notice


[edit on 10/26/2005 by EnronOutrunHomerun]



posted on Oct, 30 2005 @ 08:18 PM
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I'm very sorry to see that this won't be entered into the contest, but I eagerly await the finish. It's extremely well written, Enron, it should be fantastic.



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