posted on Oct, 1 2005 @ 05:24 PM
I can't say that I smoke because of "past karmic influences", I'm just not that "in touch" with myself. Frankly, I don't know that many could
really expect that to be true with any certainty. All that I know is that I am addicted to cigarettes, to nicotine (and just maybe I might have a tad
more than just an affinity for those delicious tars). Nevertheless, I am an addict. I have a monkey on my back. I am hooked on nicotine.
The odd thing is that I have tried a number of, ahem, other substances in an effort to get in touch with my "inner hippie". In fact, I have tried
so many other substances and I have been so thorough in my "research" that I am surprised that I don't have a degree in psychopharmaceuticals! I
only mention this because out of all of these "other" substance, cigarettes/nicotine is the only one with which I have a problem or difficulty
I won't get into an argument as to whether or not I believe cigarettes should be illegal, that would only lead me to say something stupid like all of
those other substance should be legal. I just don't want to go there and spark some sort of off topic debate. I just want to say that I must
ask why cigarettes aren't illegal. No other substance has caused me as much personal grief and angst. No other substance has cost me as much money,
inconvenience and even embarrassment.
What is most embarrassing to me is that I did not begin smoking until much later in life. I am 52 years old. I am sad to admit that I did not begin
smoking until I was in my 40's. It was the stupidest decision/choice of my life. It started when I was working very long hours and coffee just
wasn't cutting it for me. I noticed some friends taking a "smoke break". Tobacco seemed to "pep" them up and I bummed a smoke. Then i bummed
another smoke. And then another and another....within a few days, I was hooked. Perhaps if I had stopped at that time, I could have stopped but
within a very short time, I had come to depend upon the "kick" (albeit a small one) that each cigarette seemed to give me.
I have quit smoking on many occasions. Once I quit for about four months. However, it seems that every time I had faced with a stressful or anxious
situation, I had turned to tobacco. Perhaps it was for the distraction or maybe I just like playing with fire (I certainly do feel naked without my
Zippo lighter) but regardless, there was no denying that I was hooked. I know that I will keep trying to quit and maybe, just maybe, one of these
times I'll make it. All I can say to others is that you shouldn't even try a smoke. It's not worth it and who knows, cigarettes just might be
"your drug" and a big fat old "monkey" might be waiting to jump on your back and hang on!