MerryMistressMarie
I was just curious as to the nature of your practices. You said that you have had
an ongoing relationship with magick and occultism.
But do you follow any specific path - are you Wiccan, for example, or do you follow a more individual style? The reason I ask is that it seems, from
your questions, that you do not have any real guidance in this area. Most genuine Wiccans I have met, for example (as opposed to angsty teens who
declare themselves such), are well versed in the topics you express concern over. If you do follow a specific path, then perhaps you can meet
likeminded individuals (again, people who genuinely accept these religious parctices, rather than posers) to educate and assist you.
I think it bears pointing out that there is an inherent difference between the practice of magic and those religions which are commonly associated
with witchcraft - Wicca, Druidism, Asatru, etc. One is the manipulation of energies to obtain a desired reult in accordance with your will. The others
are genuine and acknowledged religions. A Wiccan, for example, does not have to practice magic to still be a Wiccan, since it is a religion based on
very specific beliefs. I know many Wiccans who do not practice magic.
Those who do consider magic to be a very natural force, like electricity. Electricity can help you (by lighting and warming your house, for example)
or it can kill you. Magic is like that. To Wiccans, there is no white magic and no black magic, there is only the force itself. How you use it is up
to you.
As for initiations, most traditional covens have three levels of initiation, but for the self-practitioner this is impossible. You don't need to join
any "school of the mysteries". Most pagans in my city meet informally at a pub once a week. If you are seeking guidance, I am sure there are many
places you can turn.
I would suggest a book called
Wicca: A Guide for the
Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham. Even if you are not Wiccan, you may be able to adapt some of its exercises to your own beliefs. It
also has a good self-initiation ritual.
I hope this helped. Let me know if you have any additional questions and I'll be happy to try and answer them for you.
[edit on 13/10/05 by Jeremiah25]