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ThreadKillers Anonymous

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posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 06:02 AM
Alright I'm back. I may occasionally have to take some time off, and I have a trip coming up in the next month or so, where I'll be gone for 10 or 12 days, but I'm back now.

Miss Interior Minister I'd like a full report on the status of TKA please. I heard you were out spending our quarterly budget on things.

I'll get caught up on applications later on, and convene a Council Meeting for later in the day to go over a few things we need to get settled. We need to have at least three of us to talk over the definition of a dangerous thread, and what procedures we should take to stop it cold.

In the last two days I've managed to kill seven threads. Four started by me. Here are four of the seven I've killed.

And just for good measure, here's the ATSNN thread I posted and killed.
[edit on 9/24/2005 by Zaphod58]

[edit on 9/24/2005 by Zaphod58]

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 06:52 AM

Originally posted by nikelbee

(much verbage...but we wub you anyway)

The sex thing is a red herring.

Sorry, I got sidetracked by the mention of sex

Then I saw "herring". Sex and fish in the same sentence = not good.

Moving along...

There are a few members on ATS, I won't mention any names, who are not aware, either by self-deception or some unconscious desire for not wanting to know the truth, who are very much like these trees in the forest

Here's the quandary.

I don't want us to have to "witness" to the unaware/ignorant. If ignorance is truly blissful, maybe we should let 'em all be happy? Witnessing ain't good.

But on the other hand...are we guilty then of letting them live their lives so unaware? Are therefore in part, responsible for their inaction?

So my point is this: Are *we* TKAers dangerous and evil? We *know* we threadkill. We revel and relish in the fact of our cult or club. We cannot feign ignorance, and thus innocence.

No..we're not ee-bil. Well, not all of us. If Fritz wees on the bathmat though, I might have to designate him as ee-vil. Or Wee-vil. But then he'd have to become a little crawly bug thing, and that wouldn't be good.

I digress.

We are not evil. We are aware and somewhat enlightened, even. Though we do go through an awful lot of donuts...

Why are devilled eggs from the devil? Surely paprika isn't *evil*

Paprika is good and holy and pure.

Eggs are sulphurous nightmares of evolutionary and ethical ambiguity.

But they taste so damn good...

A. Nod our heads and then secretly, behind their backs, analyse their posts and use their resistence as research. Evil level 8 ....
C. Hand them our link and show them the 13 step programme to enlightement and betterment. Evil level 1

I like A & C.

Maybe I just like air conditioning? Ok, C is better, but I'm having a rough night and I feel a bit cranky. So I'm liking A at the moment, too

Final, final point: Deception and denial are just as dangerous as knowledge. More so, some would claim.

This has been Press Secretary of Swishy Hair and Shoes (hearby known as PSHS) bringing you the 'Deep' Thought of the day.

I love your swishy hair.

And your shoes. Are those Blahniks or Jimmy Choos?

(yes, I had to google Sex In The City to find out something about shoes, as it's quite obvious I'm clueless)

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 07:18 AM

Originally posted by Tinkleflower

I love your swishy hair.

And your shoes. Are those Blahniks or Jimmy Choos?

(yes, I had to google Sex In The City to find out something about shoes, as it's quite obvious I'm clueless)

I'm flattered you bothered to looked them up - but we need to talk Tinkle. Why this unresponsiveness to shoes, but love of changing colour bathmats? It just isn't natural.

I'm wearing Jimmy Choos of course - it's too early in the day for Manolos. Imagine a scene from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (sorry Fritz) and Elizabeth Tyler and her nightie and those little gold pumps with the puffy things on the top and in broad daylight. Too scary to contemplate.

And thanks for the wonderful egg observation. I'm glad i'm not alone in the pondering of devilled eggs and other luciferian foods.

Btw - Look at this image. The shoes match your bathmat! Divine.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 07:33 AM

I want them shoes, I want them shoes, I want them shoes right now.

Um. Yeah.

(warning: long boring bit coming up)

I'm the youngest of four kids, and I have two elder sisters. We were dirt po' as kids (I notice that hasn't changed...hah
), and as a result never really got into the whole fashion thing. At school, I wore my sneakers. At home, I wore sneakers or went barefoot. When I do shop for shoes, it tends to be online...I know my size, and I just hate the idea of having to actually go to a store and try on eleventy hundred shoes just to find a matching pair for my LBD.

(come on. No brainer. LBD = F'me pumps. Everyone knows that

I still prefer being barefoot...and I've been known to actually drive, and go shopping barefoot too (much to the utter horror of most of my friends).

My tootsies relish the feel of grass beneath them...they become almost orgasmic (we call this a toegasm) if they're allowed to wander through the fields unfettered by the bounds of leather. Well...ok, leather is sometimes reeeeeally good, but not on my feet.

Ok, I'm going to shut up, get some tea, and leave, before I kill this thread

And as for the other part...I'm just good at coordinating bathrooms!

[edit on 24/9/05 by Tinkleflower]

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 07:50 AM
I'll just post this last shoe bit and then get back on topic. For those of you who don't care about shoes please stop reading right now.

First of all you have it all wrong Tinkles my friend. You aren't supposed to wear the shoes! You're supposed to buy them, sit in them and worship your feet in all their glory. Ocassionaly if you feel up to it, you can put them on and teeter around, but trust me, you will regret it later. Funny you mentioned the f'me shoes, cause those have their purpose as well. Again, not a lot of walking.

As far as no funds for shoes - phsshhsh - who needs food when there are so many shoes in the world waiting to be adopted? I find the option of going barefoot wonderfully liberating. I too like the organic appeal of nude toes and all of that... but honey, when it comes to the artistic and aesthetic appeal of shoes, there is just no match.

In my student days I too couldn't afford monolos. Hell, I could barely afford ramen, but that didn't stop me from window shopping and trying things on and waiting patiently for the sales, so I could afford maybe a tenth of one shoe.

Shoes are supposed to make you feel better. They are inpractical, but a beauty to behold, an unattainable icon of tactile sensuality. There will never be the perfect shoe, but you should always fall in love again and again. Shoes are like hope, something to aspire to and never get tired of, they are the representation of desire incarnate.

What is that thing Samuel Johnson said about London? Insert the word shoes.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 07:53 AM
Ok enough about the shopping and the shoes.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 08:02 AM

Originally posted by Zaphod58
Ok enough about the shopping and the shoes.

*Slinks away like Quasimodo in Prada*

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 08:48 AM
Quasimodo lived in Paris, silly.

*ducks and runs like hell*

Mr Zaffypoohbear. If thou doest not liketh your Highly Appreciated Staff discussing the finer points of things perdy and artisticky like, then you're going to end up with lime green wallpaper and babypoo-green carpetting.

And that's not good for anyone.

So there.

(I'm about to go and kill one of my own this space...)

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 01:18 PM
I think you would attack me for my lack of respect for what's on my feet.

Zaphod you kill threads like nobody's business, its like this: Threads are like timelines, depending on how active it is, by others reponse, or the nature of the first post, you bring it premature death by just getting scissors and cutting off the timeline.

Have I just explined the nature of Tkilling to myself? Certainly seems like it. I can't decide if your kills are the fault of the wording, or the timing.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 01:35 PM
That's why I'm President and Benevolent Dictator of the TKA. I'm a Natural Born ThreadKiller.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 02:52 PM
Ha! Caught your attention now didn't I Zaph? First of all I am appalled, appalled at your lack of tolerence for our shoes. I bet you want all of us shoe lovers back in the closet where we belong, don't you?

Just wait till you go on holiday...

I too have perused through your linkage and boy, no wonder you are our fearless leader. You can kill them at a 15 paces. Like Tinkle's Toes.

Please teach me obi-wan. I can learn a lot from you.

So I am proposing yet another idea. This one is called the TK buddy system - TK B.S - for those of you who love your acronyms. It consists of one of our new members joining up with one of our more experienced TKers and following them around the boards; teaching them the ropes and how to kill (or not kill) successfully. Personally, I would like to hang out and follow a few of you, while you make your daily slaughters: Zaph, Tinkle, Fritz and QueenA come to mind... I'm sure I could think of others.

What do you think? Shall we have a vote?

I also have an observation, not to be confused with a 'deep thought' which I already had this morning.

Someone on ATS boards requested a forum for existential rants, philosophy and metaphysics. Amid the shoe and donut talk, I say we're getting our dose here.

Love this thread.

peace out

No really this time.


[edit on 24-9-2005 by nikelbee]

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 04:37 PM
Don't worry, we're adding a meeting area for the shoe lovers to use.

What can I say. It's good to be King.

I think that's a good idea. The more experienced TKers can take the younger ones under our wing and show them the ropes.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 04:59 PM
Again, spectacular ideas all.

According to our Beloved Leader, research projects are an area I am responsible for. We already have our Researcher/Assasin working merrily away on her first project, the identification of successful posters and the style they utilize. Seeing as she will be posting her results in a few days, I thought I would make the following suggestions for potential usages of this valuable data.

Suggestion 1 - We could follow some of these posters for a set amount of time and analyze their postings on our thread.

Suggestion 2 - We could choose a subject and have an in-house competition to see which TK'er can kill the most of this posters threads in one week.

I propose that our Minister of the Interior, the lovely Tinkleflower, be in charge of prizes. She has shown remarkably good taste in fixing up the clubhouse and seems to be the only one of us with a budget.

Any thoughts team?

Suggestions for research are always welcome!

Tip of the Day

Large words and the use of five words when one will suffice has always been a useful tool in threadkillling. It gives the impression of a long involved post and most people's eyes will glaze over before they get anywhere near the end of it.

Translates to: Lots of big words bore people and they don't respond.

Ratio of word usage: 4.5:1

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 05:08 PM
I think we need to break our TKers into specialties. That way we don't kill threads that others have their sites set on.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 05:21 PM
Oh benevolent dictator, someone needs to work on your spelling as well.

Specialties? Like who makes the best donuts?

Edit: I like donuts.

[edit on 9/24/2005 by Kalapadea]

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 05:23 PM
There is now an Agency organizing to oppose us. Now it will become the trendy thing to respond to TK'ers posts. :shk:

They are far too savvy to let us kill their thread, but it bears watching.

They seem to think we kill threads for the pure joy of it.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 05:24 PM
hey, when you're running on 2-3 hours of sleep a night, and have the stress level I do THEN you can complain about my spelling.

Besides, it's hard to see the monitor in the glare from the sun.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 05:28 PM
I'm running on 2-3 hours of sleep a night, usually 3 though. I can't have caffeine due to heart medication, oh snap.

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 05:30 PM

Originally posted by Duzey
There is now an Agency organizing to oppose us. Now it will become the trendy thing to respond to TK'ers posts. :shk:

They are far too savvy to let us kill their thread, but it bears watching.

This could get ugly with us killing, the revivers reviving and we in turn trying to kill those zombie threads. It would be like a snake trying to eat its own tail, or as our new member Kalapadea called it, shaking a dead monkey. Or was it shocking a shaky monkey. There was definately a monkey in there somewhere.

These 2/3 hours of sleep make me so inconsistent.

(edit) Okie, it was 'Smacking' the dead monkey, which is way worse than a Basement Jaxx video.

[edit on 24-9-2005 by nikelbee]

posted on Sep, 24 2005 @ 05:39 PM
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Tinkle. Only you could provide me with all my creature comforts. purr, purr, purr. XXXXX

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