ThreadKillers Anonymous

I'm up to two No votes now.

No, I didn't know that. I don't pay attention to the borders, because nothing is ever going to get done to make them tighter.

Well if my story had been upgraded, you would have.

Why guard the border? Then you wouldn't have anyone to pick fruit. You'd also lose the added bonus of a Northern neighbour to blame in the event of terrorists getting into your country.

Don't tell me you never watched South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut. I take one of the songs in that movie to heart. "Blame Canada". The Canuks have been sitting up there sending all kinds of evil things our way for years. Snow, Geese, the Canadian Air Force (and I use the term Air Force loosely).

I love that song!!!!

We Canucks have the ability to laugh at ourselves. Why not, everyone else is!!!!!



We do have an Air Force. It just doesn't have any planes. But make us mad and you will have a squadron of beaver on your butt!!!!

Oh wait, that came out wrong.

Oooo, a squadron of beaver. I had enough trouble getting ONE beaver, let alone a whole squadron! Maybe I should just work on pissing off a Canuk....

To show our Beloved Leader that Canada isn't totally evil, and because I'm really bored, I've decided to make a post about my country.

The Air Force

Ok, so our Air Force doesn't have any money. What the rest of the world doesn't know about Canada is that we have another group with a very similar name, The Royal Canadian Air Farce.



We channel all the funding to them, in an attempt to keep our military might a secret. They have made some amazing improvements in our weaponry, most notably, the Chicken Cannon. Normally used for aviation testing, the Chicken Cannon is a fearsome weapon with the right modifications.



Hockey and Donuts, mmmmm....

Is there any other country on the face of the planet that loves Hockey (yes, it does deserve a capital 'H') more than Canada does? You might have Krispy Kreme's, but we have Tim Horton's. A veritable cultural institution and some mighty fine donuts. They also sell donut holes but we call them 'Timbits'. Which is kind of disturbing if you think about it. We have a chain of donut shops named after a dead Hockey player and one of the most popular items on the menu is a party pak of Timbits.



Because you always have time for Tim Horton's.

Political Scandals

Forget AdScam, the Premier of my province getting arrested for drunk driving in Hawaii and all that other boring stuff. We had a Prime Minister's wife cheat on him with a Rolling Stone!

Trudeau's personal life was often as turbulent as the challenges he faced in the political arena. Marrying Margaret Sinclair, the daughter of another Liberal Party member and, as his junior by 30 years billed as the "First Flower Child" rather than First Lady, the Prime Minister ended his long career as a bachelor in 1971. The couple had 3 sons, but the union was nearly the end of Trudeau's political career: Margaret Trudeau reveled in her position as the wife of the "Pop Prime Minister" as well as the freedoms of the 70s era and indulged rather than restrained her youthful bohemian impulses. After a final humiliating scandal involving Mrs. Trudeau and members of The Rolling Stones, Pierre Trudeau separated from his wife in 1977, finalizing their divorce 7 years later in 1984.

www.obituary.com...

Guess What Our National Sport Is

Ok, this one should be pretty easy, right? After all, we are Canadian and I did already mention Hockey. Well hold on to your hats people. We have two official sports. The Other Official National Sport of Canada is.....Lacrosse????

I don't understand it either.



We're Number One!

Well, kinda.

We can brag about having the city with the highest per capita Slurpee consumption, Winnipeg.

We have the honour of having the highest per capita consumption of Kraft Dinner.

Weird Canadian Words

In Canada, we call a one-room apartment a bachelor. So if you're ever in Canada and hear some people talking about which bachelor they should rent, don't worry.

Did you ever wonder what we call Canadian Bacon? We call it back bacon.

If you ever hear a Canadian ask for Homo milk, don't look at them funny. Homo milk is whole milk. Homo is short for homogenized.

When I say something is 'kitty corner' that means it is on the diagonal opposite side. Kitty corner is just so much easier to say.

A garburator is a garbage disposal.






[edit on 24-11-2005 by Duzey]

That was brilliant Duzey. I think I'll give you a WATS vote for that very informative post.

I'm sorry but some of the things you're proud of up there are just wrong. Slurpees? LACROSS as a national sport?

Duzey

I loved your post. Thank you for informing and entertaining us with those interesting tidbits or shall I say, timbits. I wanted to ask a question about Margaret Trudeau... it says in your article it wasn't a singular member of the Rolling Stones but 'members' of the group. Certainly this changes things?

Margaret Trudeau reveled in her position as the wife of the "Pop Prime Minister" as well as the freedoms of the 70s era and indulged rather than restrained her youthful bohemian impulses. After a final humiliating scandal involving Mrs. Trudeau and members of The Rolling Stones

(emphasis mine)

As far as ATSNN it used to interest me at the start of my ATS membership, but I no longer have the time or energy for it anymore. Most of my votes consisted of 'biased' and 'no, no, that's just wrong'. Give me your link oh Great One so I can see your post.

Yar, bring on the linkage, my recent ATSNN post did quite fine. Heh, beginners luck.

It got moved to US News here on BTS for being "Inappropriate for ATSNN". Which is laughable, considering some of the current stories on ATSNN right now that ARE acceptable. But oh well, whatcha gonna do.

I'm glad you both enjoyed it.

Nice to see you Nik. How have you been?

The gossip on Margaret is that after a Stones concert in Toronto she invited them back to her hotel and hooked up with (a) Ron Wood (b) Mick Jagger or (c) both. She then flew to New York the next night to go to their next concert. There's a clip of a radio interview with Jagger denying the allegations and saying that she should be able to what she wants here. Just click the play button when you get there.

I've heard she talks about it in her biography but I haven't read it. I may pick up a copy on my next trip to the library and clear this up. I hope the chapters have descriptive names instead of numbers so I don't have to read the whole thing. I think she's a bit of a nutcase.

Zaph, I found this just for you. It seems like you could use a good laugh.

Our secret military wing, The Royal Canadian Air Farce, has also come up with the perfect solution for our little leaky submarine problem. Watch and marvel at Canadian ingenuity.

www.airfarce.com...

Classic! Thanks for the great laugh Duzey.

Miow! Miow! Miow! Miow!

He guys - lemme back in! It's raining dogs out here. My powr widdle Kitty pinky pads are sore 'cause I've worn down my Kittyklaws from scratching the club door!

Oh Great, Magnanimous and Benevolent Leader. I have returned from exile and I seek humble refuge within the Hallowed Halls of the TKA Clubhouse.

I have travelled far and wide during my exile, have seen many wonderous sights and have suffered so much. I will tell of the seven trials of FritzKittyKat after the next TKA meeting.

In the meantime, please may I have my Kittycushion, my mature cheddar cheese cabinet and my secret stash of cheese flavoured Kittydoughnuys back?

I think they were under the piles of cushions on the couch. You know, the place where Duzey thought nobody saw her hide. See! That proves we KittyKats are physic.

Welcome back Fritz. We put your stuff into the storage closet to make sure that no one tried to take it home to their cats. Here ya go. Just feel free to dig into the cushions and chase Duzey out of there.

Originally posted by Zaphod58
Everyone is dropping like flies around here. Nik, Tink, Loam, and Duzey are all MIA, Kala is semi-MIA. Our Resident Assassin was in the middle of a research project and went missing, and hasn't been heard from since. And all of our other members wandered into the woods, and haven't been heard from since the screaming stopped.

I'm not missing....just wandering a bit.... that, and the unfortunate L-Tryptophan coma I've suffered due to excessive poultry consumption...

With the intermittent moments of consciousness I managed to achieve, I worked on this. ...I guess I'm back to scaring people....

Any donuts around here?

EDIT: BTW, I would have prefered the nijafleas had been nuked...

EDIT, Again:

Speaking of nikelbee... Did she mention anything about Iraq? The resemblance is uncanny.



[edit on 27-11-2005 by loam]

[edit on 27-11-2005 by loam]

I have just grabbed a much needed Kittynap and, when I awoke, I saw what Loam had written about my beloved NinjaKittyfleas.

I am now, a changed character. Grand Field Marshall Tokugawa took some persuading, but he has agreed not to launch a Kittyflea strike in Loam's direction, whatever the provocation.

My NinjaKittyfleas are a peace loving people. They have but one task. To protect their magnificent (their word, not mine) host from unwarranted attacks and to protect the TKA clubhouse from dogfleas from that mangey whinning bitch next door.

So sorry Loam, me and my NinjaKittyfleas will not rise to the bait. Unless of course you decide to load it with Mature Cheddar Cheese and Lasagne!

Oh Magnanimous, Benevolent, Wise and Wonderful Leader. You can see that I am restraining my natural urge to claw the eyes from Loam's head, in order to foster harmony amongst the peace loving members of TKA.

So Loam all I would ask you is to leave me alone, so I can Kittysnuggle up to Duzey under the pile of cushions on the couch. Pass the Lasagne and don't you dare stint on the Cheddar!

Thank you Fritz, and thanks to the Grand Marshall for his restraint. We'll be having a special ceremony tomorrow, where he'll be awarded the TKA Ninja Flea Peace Medal for his efforts at keeping the peace. And you'll be getting extra cheese rations for the next month.

I just spend like the last 3 days watching anime nonstop, my head feels funny.

Giant Swords and talking cats! arr!

*door bursts open*
(the assassin returns with an all-too appropriate slink through the half-way open door)
(followed by a sheepish grin and a *cute?* *whimsical?* *half-a#@ed?* shrug)


Hey guys--how tricks?

How's Fritz?

The word on the underground is there might possibly be a flea problem? Forget the circus--fresh garlic-laced tender vittles is a sure-fire cure for jumping miniscule itchy biting foreigners!

No one is harmed, either--it's more a matter of coming to a fork in the road--fleas to the left, cat to the right.

I can see everyone is just dying to know where I've been and what I've done....

:shk:
Never, ever, send an assasin out on a talent search...

I have killed many threads in my attempt to gather information on successful thread posters. Most were dead before I had a chance to read them the TKA research disclaimer. Some I killed by reading the TKA research disclaimer.

One thing I can say for sure--the topics that hold the interest of the masses have no appeal, whatsoever, to me.

Did I ever mention I'm a bit eccentric and a marginal member of society? (at best, that is, on election days)

So--there is a new South Park movie called 'Bigger, Longer, Uncut'?

What a phallic symbol! ha ha ha ha

I guess it's due course, first there was the anal probe (one of my all-time favorite episodes) and of course, the magic of breasts...

Seems like there was one about the you-know-what counterpart of phallic symbolism....

Or was that Seinfeld?

When he couldn't remember the woman's name he was seeing, only that it rhymed with a certain but also forgotten female part of the more private sort--and so Jerry stole her driver's license or something? And her name was...

anyone remember?

Queen Anne Dearest at least 'till my Beloved Tinkle gets back I didn't even know you'd gone!:shk:

Are you implying, on your return, that we, at the hallowed TKA Clubhouse, have a problem with my NinjaKittyfleas?

I have to reiterate that Grand Field Marshall Tokugawa is under strict orders not to launch any precautionary but peaceful strikes against TKA members.

However, I cannot stand idly by, hearing or reading about my beloved NinjaKittyfleas being slandered or libelled.

The Grand Field Marshall has called an 'O' group to discuss pending missions against those who transgress the Article of Faith, published on an earlier page.

So far, Grand Field Marshall Tokugawa has shown great restraint and I feel sure that in the interests of fostering a greater understanding of ALL peace loving NinjaKittyfleas, our Beloved Leader, the Great, Wise, Wonderful and Benevolent Zaphod will mediate in this matter.

In the meantime, welcome back. I trust you'll grab a couple of cushions off the couch and sit by the fire.

Here. have one of my special Mature Cheddar cheese Kittydoughnuts or if you'd prefer, some of my very special extra-cheesey Lasagne.