ThreadKillers Anonymous

Denial, you see what happens when you stay out all weekend and don't come home? Major changes. You're lucky I didn't change the locks on the doors.

If I had any cheese in my widdle wed tank Loam, it would be green with mould by now.

No my friend, totally my fault. I was being flash with my super
Nightstalker Ninjakittyfleas and relying on Grand Field Marshal Shiitake, to guide me back in the fine and upstanding tradition of our Ninjakittyflea Armoured Corps. We use hand signals by day but, at night, we use small red torches to signal left or right turns.

I had given Shiitake a full briefing and had expected him to carry out his orders having done his own mission analysis. That he made such a simple mistake of thinking that I could actually see him over the bonnet of my car, is in my opinion, a gross dereliction of duty, and should have clarified the situation.

But, as I said, it is also my fault, because a good commander should ensure that his men are capable of carrying out the mission he sets them and are thus properly equipped.

I too, had totally forgotten that the size of my Ninjakittyfleas and the torches they use, could not be seen at night.

Shiitake has been with me for days now and has been beside himself with the disgrace and dishonour he feels he has caused me. I have tried to console him and his wife has shed many a tear at my supposed disgrace.

But Shiitake is a warrior from a proud and traditional family. He has told me he knows what he has to do.

I have to report dear TKA friends, that I am now in mourning. I have just lost a true friend and a great warrior.

Grand Field Marshal Shiitake, Commander in Chief of all my Ninjakittyfleas has, in the finst tradition of his beloved Samuraikittyfleas, carried out
Seppuku.

Both he and his wife were cremated him on the head of a Swan Vesta match, as family tradition dictated.

I hope you'll agree with me, that there is no finer end for a great warrior than perhaps, a Viking funeral.

Tomorrow morning at 0830 hours, I am scheduled to have a meeting with all Ninjakittyflea commanders, in a vain bid to elect and promote a new Grand Field Marshall.

He has much to live up to. But in the mean time all to Shiitake, a true friend and great warrior.

We'll have a funeral with full military flea honors. A 21 jump salute, and a fly flyover in the missing flea formation.

Oh Lord and Master, bringer of Kittydoughnuts and soft fluffy Kittytoys, what a thoughtful Lady you are.

A 21 jump salute. What more could a deceased Grand Field Marshall wish for? All to your benevolent being.

My meeting went well. There were several nominations for the vacant post of Grand Field Marshall but, in the end, I opted to promote Colonel Mitsu Tokugawa.

His ancestry is amazing in that it can be traced right back to the early 1500s. In ancient Japan, his family were once one of the most powerful families of the ruling class. Indeed, the Tokugawa clan was responsible for many of the founding principles of Ninjutsu, many of which are still practiced by our Japanese cousins today.

I'm sure he will be a fine and corageous leader of my Ninjakittyfleas.

Lady? LADY? LADY?! Just for that, I'm taking back your kitty pillow for a week. Hmpf! How rude!

Oh no. I knew this would happen. Oh please no. Mods please stop this.

WE DON'T NEED A CONSPIRACY ON A CONSPIRACY WEBSITE!

This is ridicoulous.

I certainly hope you are joking. If you aren't maybe you should actually READ about our group instead of jumping to conclusions about us.

Oh Lord and Master......................

Hang on. I thought I replied to you in this most appropriate of ways in my earlier reply.

What I was hinting at - albeit latterally, was your uncommon courtesy, whit, charm and benevolence reminded me of Ursula Andress in the film "She".........................

A loving, caring and almost Godlike ability to set one's mind at ease; your inborn ability to hear what is being said to you and the unswerving manner you mete out justice to those who transgress our ways.

An iron fist in a velvet glove. Most Lady like.

But you Zaph? A Lady? God no! Heavens forbid.:shk:

Ok, for doing such a good job of kissing up and making that clear, here's your kitty pillow back, with an extra kitty donut.

/dangles catnip

See, this is what the crazy kitties get, don't you be hurting the Leader.

Originally posted by Conspiracy Theorist06
Oh no. I knew this would happen. Oh please no. Mods please stop this.

WE DON'T NEED A CONSPIRACY ON A CONSPIRACY WEBSITE!

This is ridicoulous.

obviously, you've got your 'they live' reveal-an-alien glasses on.

BREED MARRY AND REPRODUCE OBEY BUY SPEND






[edit on 20-11-2005 by billybob]

There ya go agen Kalapedia! Waving yer cat nip about for all and sundry to see.

But I got some very bad news for you all.

The EcoWarrior division of my much vaulted and feared NinjaKittyfleas have, in the last three hours, finished production and distribution of a new revolutionary anti Cat Nip serum.

As a result of this unwarranted act of unbridled hostility towards my beloved NinjaKittyfleas, I have placed them on Kittyflea State Level 2.

Grand Field Marshall Tokugawa is currently reviewing all my divisions of special and personally giving each commander a sealed set of orders to be opened should hostilities commence.

Ok kids back off. Fritz, tell the fleas to stand down. Kala, give me all your catnip. I want both of you to sit down and negotiate a settlement to this issue. I will not have open warfare in the clubhouse. If I have to I'll flea bomb the place, and send in a hazmat team to get all the catnip.

Oh Wise and Wonderful Leader. You are an example to us all. If only we could follow your example and lead such an honest way of life..................

I have conveyed your wishes to Grand Field Marshall Tokugawa. He is considering your proposal.

I'll give the two of you 24 hours to have at least a temporary treaty in place. After that I'm taking matters into my own hands and settling things. Tell the Grand Field Marshall that there won't be any agressive actions by either side during that period. At the first sign of conflict the bombs and the hazmat teams come out.

[edit on 11/21/2005 by Zaphod58]

Oh Great, Wonderous and Benevolent Leader, it was not me that started this phoney war, it was Kalapedea.

However, I am a widdle peace loving, orange marmalde kittycat and as the whole world knows, we are too lazy to start fighting, no matter what the provocation. Unless it's with that mangey bitch next door!

In the interests of peace and harmony and in an effort to foster international relationships with all peace loving people, I hereby declare the following Article of Reasoning:

Article 1:

NinjaKittyfleas will be placed on Kittyflea Alert State 1, the lowest wartime but highest peacetime footing;

Article 2:

All NinjaKittyfleas will be restricted to my warm underbelly, where they will continue to train, albeit for peacefull purposes;

Article 3:

Grand Field Marshall Tokugawa is to closey monitor my international borders - the TKA Clubhouse, especially my Kittycushion, my secret horde of Mature Cheddar Chess Kittydoughnuts and Tinkle's empty chair;

Article 4:

I hereby reserve the right to launch a pre-emptive defensive strike against anybody who brings Cat Nip into the clubhouse.

If Kalapedea can sign up to to this, then, in the infamous words of Neville Chamberlain, We will not be going to war but will have peace in our time.

Signed. I let my cats have a field day with the catnip, they seemed to like it... the two older ones never fought which was good. We had lots of kitties but we got a new dog a few months ago, and the cats have been steadily becoming more scarce. This at least brought a few from the outside, good times.

Sorry fritz, it's all good.

Kalapedea, I accept your magnaminous apology.

Perhaps, in the fullness of time, we can learn to live with each other's point of view and could, if the situation warrants it, become friends.

In the meantime, I grant you special Kittydispensation to bring Cat Nip into the hallowed TKA club house, though for the life of me, I do not understand your fascination for this most evil of feline control substance.

May I respectfully suggest that you get rid of the dog! Cats rarely bight the hand that feeds them, tickles behind their ears or gently strokes their bellies. (Unless you rub the fur the wrong way!)

Dogs on the other hand, tend to be aggressive at the drop of a rolled up newspaper. They cannot be trusted especially around small defenceless children and merely tolerate human companionship, whereas we cats crave human love and attention.

Our cats travel in "packs" the one mother and the 2 males do bite, run away, and scratch. Meanwhile they think the doors open magically, food appears when they want it, and the house is theirs to command. So catnip on occasion is well deserved if it brings them inside while we're there. The door they try to come in through is a sliding door, in order for them to actually come in, I have to sit in the chair and open the other side with my foot. In order to get them out, we just let the dog in the house. BTW, our dogs are totally harmless, the one is just big, barks a lot, and loves to chase things (ohh joy...) but we're keeping him, because theres no way we'd let him be put down by the humane society nazis down the street. (They wouldn't let us adopt a small dog because we don't have a fence, don't lock our dogs to a post, nor use a leash when walking. I mean come on, we live in the freakin woods, pretty far away from everything; the only thing in the woods big enough to cause a threat would be the squirrels that the dogs would chase and run into a tree while chasing. This is a RANT for another day) And our other dog is the shyest pansy dog I've ever seen. The cats love her, always rubbing up her legs, sleeping on her, etc.

Oh and in case you were wondering, we "have" (not sure on this one anymore) 11 cats last time we were able to count. But that was also before we got Lord Sir Mooseton (Moose) who is a german shep/something else mix.
His ears are flat. Patti, the shy one, is like a black lab/grayhound/husky (kind of) mix. Medium sized dog, fast though, very fast. Races the car up to about 30 - 35mph.

Cats:

Annabelle
White Socks
Claws
Pumpkin
Kinky
George (Freakazoid... he swallowed 2 balloons as a kitten and almost died, his neck is screwed up)
Bro
Brinny
Panda
Frankie
Peanut

Note: A good friend once asked me, "Have you had all the ladies spayed?" I replied "Yes" She said, "Then at one point you had a 'Shaved Kinky Pussie'".

I'm all out of catnip.