I have tried - God knows, I have tried to wipe out the local population, but even my UTS Ninjafleas are no match for the nutmunching prowess of the
killersquirrels here in Gloucestershire.
They live in the roofspace of my TA Centre in Gloucester and every day, they come scampering down the side of the main building and go foraging for
the nuts they've buried in the grass.
Then, whenever I open the main gate for somebody, they're always there! Sitting at the side of the road. Watching. Just watching! And waiting. Always
waiting! Not even eating their nuts [painful], just watching and waiting!
Whenever a car goes past, their heads seem to follow the vehicle and those beady little black eyes just stare at you, maintaining eye contact.
And they just sit there. Staring at you. You know something is going to happen. You know what I mean.
That 'sixth sense'
that warns you that something bad is going to happen, when your hair stands up and a feeling of dread comes over you.
Then they fluff up that funny looking tail and bound towards your car like some infra red homing suicide squirrel and sit in the middle of the road
until, at the last moment as you serve into a wall to avoid hitting the little
, they dart out of the way.
Then they just sit there and watch you! Daring you to chase them. When you do, they fluff themselves up like some demented land-locked puffer fish and
boy, they sure look mean and nasty! Would you take on two razor sharp teeth the size of tombstones?
The squirrel bounds away and when you think they've gone, they bounce back. They're real sneaky too, as they let you get real close to them and,
when you think you're gonna hit the little
, they growl at you, like a huge grey rat with asthma.
they're out to get us. I've seen them! They're just out on a recon at the moment, biding their time.
So, they just sit there.
Staring at you.
Watching every move you make.
Those two hate filled beady little black eyes!
Watching.........................and waiting................getting ready to strike!