(MFSE) Love story --- ATS short story

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posted on Sep, 14 2005 @ 11:03 PM
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Hello All,

This is my first time posting a story here, or anywhere public for that matter, so please forgive me if I made any mistakes.




(MFSE)-Love Song


The pain was becoming unbearable again. Sickness crawled over and beneath her skin like a parasite, and she wondered how she arrived in this state yet again. She tried so hard, so very hard to cure herself, but the ones in her care multiplied their inflictions by the hour. She loved them so very much, and she cried for them and for herself. Often she prayed they would feel her love and return it in some way. Sometimes she could feel bits of her love returned here and there, but not enough, never enough. She shuddered more often now, and she knew that the time was soon coming when her body would break free of her control and cleanse its self.

Shudders wracked her body, but they were so soft they went unnoticed. She cried often now, for she knew it was too late to save those she loved. Even though her children continued to destroy her hardened skin, poison her wispy-like hair, and disrupt the flow of her blood, she loved them and still struggled to provide their every need. One day they would understand. One day their spirits would have a direct connection to hers and they would hear what she heard, feel what she felt, and remember who they were. It would be a glorious time, like it was in the time before. As she remembered, she slowly drifted away to the cocoon of sleep. She smiled as she went, and through her single last tear, she saw her loved ones as they struggled along, and silently kissed them goodbye.

As she drifted off, the energy that sustained her slowed in its forward rotation. As it reached the point when it would cease to move, it started to rotate in the opposite direction. It picked up speed and for the life she carried, it seemed as if she was being torn apart. Throughout the whole of her body, huge wounds tore her skin, the fires of her blood erupted in violent explosions, and the creations of her children joined in the destruction. The tubes of fire that they once used to threaten each other, burst open and attempted to seize both land and sky. The breath of burst tubes weaved itself with the breath of her blood and created a blanket that hid the sun. The cleansing would be more harsh and complete than in the times before. Her children’s wails of pain and sorrow were silenced in an eternities’ instant.

As she slept she dreamed. At first her dreams were filled with pain, but that pain quickly faded away. In her new dreams she joyfully danced with her children, and together they sang songs of love. Her children were more beautiful than ever, as if they were brighter and filled with the brilliance of the sun. She knew with certainty that when she awoke, her children would be few, but they would sing the songs of her dreams.


(A story by Sylvrshadow)




posted on Sep, 15 2005 @ 01:06 AM
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As she slept she dreamed. At first her dreams were filled with pain, but that pain quickly faded away. In her new dreams she joyfully danced with her children, and together they sang songs of love. Her children were more beautiful than ever, as if they were brighter and filled with the brilliance of the sun. She knew with certainty that when she awoke, her children would be few, but they would sing the songs of her dreams.

Brilliant. This is excellent writing, sylvrshadow. This approach is similar to one that I was going to take. It is a risky move, for if you fail it can come across as cliched and forced. You, however, have not failed in the slightest. Your story was an incredibly beautiful example of this style of writing.

Congratulations on posting your first story here at ATS. You have certainly put your best foot forward and I know that your story has set an incredibly high benchmark in this contest, which the rest of us shall struggle to meet.

I look forward to reading more of your work in the time to come.




posted on Sep, 15 2005 @ 02:24 AM
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This is upsettingly visceral to say the least, and if I am not mistaken that is precisely what it was meant to be... I feel as though I've lost something myself.

Excellently delivered, Sylvrshadow; I hope you'll be posting more of your work in the two writing forums from here on out. I certainly look forward to it



posted on Sep, 15 2005 @ 12:22 PM
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Thank you Parallelogram and Jeremiah25 for your kind words.
I was a bit nervous to say the least! I once had to write a story for an english class that had to be from the perspective of an animal. The idea of writing stories from an animal or an objects perspective was so very cool to me. I figured Id give it a shot here.

Once again thank you! I can not wait to read some of the other stories posted here.



posted on Sep, 15 2005 @ 09:05 PM
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The last thing we needed in this forum is another gifted writer....so what happens? You come along.

DAMMIT!


Ok, Ok, i've taken my meds now.

I have to admit, that was very descriptive and well written my new friend. I'm sure you'll do well in the contest.

Welcome to the writing community where imagination meets conspiricy. If you think the other folks on ATS are really strange, you haven't seen anything yet. We're the ones they fear.

Love and light,

Wupy



posted on Oct, 1 2005 @ 08:17 PM
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What took you so long to share Sylvrshadow?? and we're glad we're able to contribute in getting you to write and share your words with us. You tell a great story and should do it more often.

Love Story was deep beyond words for me but I'll try. Mother Earth in her proper context, her love, her pain, her rebirth, beautifully told in a refreshing, but yet disturbing manner. Your description of the Earth Mother, with skin, blood, viens, her connection to us were well written if not even poetic. Excellent short story and look forward to reading your future writings.



posted on Oct, 5 2005 @ 07:15 AM
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Hi sylvrshadow

I just wanted to add my comments to those already here. I really enjoyed the personification of mother nature and the way you wove your story with bits and pieces of dreams and realism. What a potent combination!

While I have never thought about her in this way, I liked how you incorporated the birth of a mother, to the birth and rebirth of the world. Your language, the pathos, the originality of your piece, are all of very good quality.

Excellent work. I also agree with everyone else that you should write more. I hope the experience of unveiling your work has been a positive one and you continue to share with us your gift for spinning dreamy, visually stunning and lyrical narrative.

Congratulations again on a fine, fine story.





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