How would you proceed to describe sex as your son or daughter becomes a teen?

i like to see how the members here provide advice on how to proceed such subject. i appreciate it.

Would you just get straight to the point?

Would you just avoid the subject and let him or her learn it themself?

Would you let them watch porn?

Would you explain it but in complex way that your son or daughter be like what is wrong with you?

or just let your wife or husband handle it?

Would you just avoid the subject and let him or her learn it themself?

Probably, I'd say something if I thought they did'nt know about it.

Would you let them watch porn?

Let me put it this way, I'd do away with those parental controls on the TV and computer, and leave (gay and straight and bi) porn videos in the special cabinet, and accidentally leave it unlocked.

I don't really care for all the conformity of sciety in this isue, I'd want my kid to know about things like that, without being told its bad, or only the straight kind is good.

I would tell them straight up, kids know more than we think, and beating around the subject can just cause more nerves than needed,

Explain the risks and explain how to have safe sex,
make sure they no all whats what ie like you can get preggers the first time you have sex, sounds funny but you would be suprised how many dont know that,

Also explain NO means NO,

porn is how i learned...

who wants to teach there kids that kind of stuff???

Give them an internet account with no parental locks, how my mama did it for me. Damn 12 years old and well, fun times since then.

I don’t think you need to teach the teen sexual positions or techniques as you suggest with the pornography. I believe all they need to know to be a healthy young adult is that there are responsibilities and consequences that come with sexual relationships. Everything from emotional issues, contraception and STD protection should be discussed.

If they are old enough I’m willing to bet they have already learned a lot from their school in sex education.

Originally posted by kinglizard
If they are old enough I’m willing to bet they have already learned a lot from their school in sex education.

good point...

though, i learned alot from my classmates

We found a good book that explained things. It was written for Jr. High student age kids. It didn't skirt the issues, but didn't go into any odd corners. At the end of each chapter it had a Q&A session. So basically I let him read it and then went through the chapter review questions with him.

It wasn't that odd. I think the important issue is to be open and let you kids know that you are there for them to talk to.

This should be an open topic within a family so that your children are learning your moral values and society's codes concerning sexuality from an early age.

Parents need to give age appropriate information on sex thoughout a childs life.
If you wait to have the "Big Talk" when your kid gets near puberty, your too late.
They've learned it somewhere else.........

We live in a cyber world full of sexual images, so I don't think anyone needs to provide porn for their growing teens. They can be very resourceful and find it on their own, or use their imaginations.

They grow up pretty fast in todays world..........

I never got the sextalk from my parents, school did it all for me. In 4th grade we got the first sex talk which explained most stuff.

Well, I'd try and get to the point.

My parents were going to take me to a Sex Education program but they never got around to it. I took my best guess and when ever I got another little snippet of infromation from say, a sex joke, I'd run it through what I already had and slowly but surely, I figured it out. It was confirmed when I reached "that" section in my 7th grade Health class.

Teens?

Buy 10 all my kids knew the facts of life. Living in the country makes it easy, nature is not shy and kids ask questions. Just answer them honestly and its shouldnt be a problem

*pulls out puppets*...just kidding. Being sixteen i learned it not to long ago...i was teaching them things..kind of wierd..dont beat around the bush cuz your kids will laugh at you

Hi,
I was very hesitant to answer your question deltaboy, as this subject is a touchy one, and many people may feel the need to say mean, judgemental, and hurtful things. However, I feel that this is a subject that has great merit and should be discussed in an objective and reasonable way. With that being said...

I have decided to take an honest, realistic approach to having this discussion with my children. As a mother of a 11 and 13 year old, I have already discused sex with my children a couple of times. The first time was when my daughter was 5 and asked me how she got here. I told her that she lived in my tummy for a while and then came out when she grew too big. She sort of stared at me with a critical eye, then brightened up said "OK!" and skipped away.

Then when she was 8, she came to me and asked how she actually got "inside" my stomach. She wanted to know if I had to eat her first. At this point and time I had a childrens book about how animal and human babies are made and born. It had colorful pictures of momma and daddy animals and would then show a picture of the daddy sperm and the momma egg. Next it showed what the developing fetus looked like, and then finally the baby being born.(It showed this for ducks, cats, and turtles.) Then the last part of the book does essentially the same thing with a humand momma and daddy, but instead showed the mothers stomach with the growing baby inside. I was able to use the book to explain that I didnt have to eat her, and that when a mommy and daddy decide to have a baby, they use the sperm and egg to create one. (I didnt have to expalin exactly "how" the sperm and egg got together, because she didnt ask.) She once again looked at me very critically nodded her head yes, and then thanked me for telling her. (I am sure she was making sure I was being honest with her, as her daddy is quite fond of making up silly stories to her questions! )

Now comes my moment of embarrasmnet and all sorts of panic and freaking out!! (This happened when my daughter was 10 and my son was 8) My husband has a couple of "art" films, shall we say, that he hid in the cabinets above our refrigerator. These cabinets are not used by us and I need a chair to reach them. I was confident they were safe from discovery, because they could reach everything they needed without the use of a chair and had never expressed or shown curiosity in exploring our kitchen. Well, one day, I saw that one of the "art films" was on top of the refrigerator. Horrified that my husband forgot to secure it, I put it away thankful that my children were outside and hadnt yet seen it. Then about two days later, I saw that it was again on top of the refrigerator. I aksed my husband why he kept on leaving it on top of the refrigerater. He looked at me in surprise and said he hadnt looked at those movies in months!!

My moment of terror had come!! I am sure I stopped breathing for a couple of minutes, but then I calmed myself and decided to talk to them about the movie. I asked them if they had seen a strange movie that was on top of the refrigerator. Thier eyes opened so wide in surprise I was sure they were going to fall out!! I asked them why they went in the cabinets, and my son told me that they were playing with a bouncy ball that had landed on top of the refrigerator. That is when he decided to look in the cabinet and found the movie. I then asked them if they actually watched the movie and they said "no way" and that it looked gross. (The front had rather explicit pictures on it) Then I asked them what they thought about what they had seen. They were hesitant to speak at first, and then told me that they werent sure, but thought that maybe that is what mommy and daddy did.

I explained to them that we did have sex, but it wasnt like what the people in the movie were doing. Thats when all of the questions started coming! Appartenly since the 2nd grade (for both of them), all of thier friends were discussing sex and how one does it. I was so shocked and amazed!! I asked them why they had never talked to me about it and they said that none of the children they knew talked to thier partents. (apparently this was a big no-no and a sure way to get into BIG trouble) So they asked me tons of questions about sex and why people do it if they are not trying to make a baby. I explained to them that most of the time people do it as a way to express that they love each other. I also explained that some people just really liked to do it and tried to do it as much as possible, which often led them getting into trouble like getting sick or being hurt emotionaly by another person.

They quickly got past thier embarrasment and flooded me with all sorts of questions which I readily answered. First I helped them to clear up all of the "myths" about sex they had heard over the years.(apparently some children were still being told the stork story!!) Then I explained to them pueberty and what thier bodies were going to go through. We went through all of the diseases they had heard you could get from having sex. I explained to them why some people make the "art" videos that they now knew about, and how most people watched them out of curiosity. Then they asked me why kids have sex, to which I asked what kids they were talking about. They told me stories they had heard about how some kids had already had sex. I told them that while most of the stories were probably not true, if some of the kids did have sex, it was out of curiosity and that they really didnt know what they were doing. I aked them if they were curious and they both looked at me with a yuck face and said no in unison. I answered the rest of thier questions and the next day, we went to the bookstore, where I purchased a anatomy book with lots of pictures. In a "scientific" manner I explained to them how the body worked and how a person was able to actually have sex.


I can honestly say that while I was nervous on the inside, I could see the look of appreciation and satisfaction on thier face as I answered thier questions. It seems that nowdays, most children learn about sex as early as 7 from thier peers. I am 35 and that subject wasnt discussed by my friends at all until I was ten. I have also learned that most kids activley start experimenting with sex as early as 10, with the avg, age being 13. It is scary for me because I fear that I am fighting a loosing battle against peer pressure. While I can honestly say that niether of my children are interested in sex now, in 2-3 years that may not be so. I try to have open discussions with my children, to let them know they can come to me about anything. I try to be involved in every aspect of thier life so as not to be "clueless". I am hoping to convince them that they should wait until they are 18 before having sex.(Probably an unrealistic thing I know , but I can at least explain to them why I think this is the magic number.)

I dont believe there is a magic method to how one should talk to thier children about sex. I can only say that I used my instinct and my best judgement when I talked to my children. I am hoping that my words of wisdom and the truth about sexual diseases will have more of an influence than peer pressure or hormones out of control. There are still a few unknowns for me, like what will happen if they "fall in love". I think that my next talk will involve stories from people who have either gotten sick or pregnant that they can read for themselves. I believe this information will help them now and when they become adults.

If I may ask deltaboy, what made you start this thread? Do you have children who are or are about to be teens?

Kids today are smarter then ever, with the internet and all the other recourses at their finger tips. Our new generation of kids are highly underrated.

I believe the best strategy at this is to be straight up and do not talk down to them. They will appreciate this and listen more, they are going to learn whatever they want in a quick google search so why not learn the truth from the people who matter, not some hick pervert who likes to make websites.

Either way the kids are gonna learn, so as awkward as it may be for both of ya's. Be honest and talk to him/her on the same level, give them credit; they deserve it.

I'm sure they probably know more about it than you think by the time they are teens...

Simply put, if a girl, start getting the once a month shots (you can't really trust a teen to take the pill, or if she says she isn't having sex). Explain that unless she wants a career with Burger King and a permanent home in a trailer park, that having a baby in high school isn't a great idea.

If a guy, make sure he knows what a condom is and what it's for. Also make sure he knows that unless he wants to completely ruin his future, there'll be plenty of time to be a daddy after he gets out of college and gets a career...

Teens are going to have sex. It's biological, and you can't fight nature... Blunt and to the point is my advice. Make sure that if they do have sex, they at least take safeguards to guard against consequences....

I'd get a book and read it with him and that Tab A + Slot B will very likely equal baby.

I'd also encourage my son to wait until marriage. My husband and I did.

A little anecdote.

When I was younger I'd often end up looking after my brother's eldest two sons on the weekend (good old Aunty Tinkles. Videos, pizza, late bedtimes. You get the picture ). When this particular event took place, I was but a wee thing of 21 myself...my nephews were 9 and 12 respectively.

(I'm going to change their names to protect innocen...embarassment. Teehee)

9 year old = Joe
12 year old = Jason

So, Jason is upstairs, watching a video. Joe's downstairs with me, making dinner. He was a good kid that way (till puberty kicked in. I digress).

Here's the conversation:

Joe: Tinkles, can I ask you sumfin?

Me: 'Course you can

Joe: How do babies get made?

Me: ?! Has your Mum not told you this son?

Joe: Noooo....

(cue Jason eavesdropping)

at this point I run off to phone his Mum, to ask her why she hasn't told him anything...she actually says, "would YOU mind telling him? I'm embarassed..". I agree. Foolish Tinkles

Back in the kitchen. Cue Jason snickering to himself, now finding the conversation infinitely more entertaining than ET, and trying to offer his own brand of commentary. Think "Sigourney Weaver-style alien baby exits from pregnant lady's stomach".

Me: Well...what do you know so far?

Joe: Well I know that the man uses his willy....but I'm just not sure how the egg thing works

Me: ?!?! Oh. Right. Hmmm.

knowing that both boys were infinitely more "visual" than "logical", I had to think fast

Me: Do you know about periods?

Joe: Not really....that's the egg isn't it?

Me: Yes, it is. So...the man's sperm swims up into the lady's womb - you know the womb? Good. So, that's where the egg and the sperm meet...

Joe interrupting, somewhat horrified: But...eggs...are really big.....

Me: No no no honey...a woman's eggs are really, really teeny. And sperm are really really teeny.

Joe (relieved): Wow.....

Me: Alright. Every month, the woman's body makes one of these teeny eggs.

Joe: Is the womb where the blood is?

Me: Sort of...see if a baby is going to grow, it needs a nice soft cushion to live with, you know?

Joe: Oh...

Me: So every month, the womb builds up a sort of little cushiony wall, and it needs blood to nourish it in case a baby is going to grow...okay?

Joe: So the baby can't grow if there's no wall?

Me: Right!

Joe: looking at the eggs in the carton

I grab an egg, and crack it into the closest measuring cup

Me: If the woman and the man make love, at the right time, the sperm might meet the egg, and if that happens, the baby is made.

Joe: Oooooooooooooooh...I get it! But what happens if the sperm isn't there?

I grab a fork, whisk the egg to heck and pour it down the sink

Me: The woman's body basically gets rid of it, like this, and that's her period.

Joe: who makes a connection here that I'd never had made myself in a zillion years Ooooooh so the wall has to go away too, doesn't it? So the period is the egg and the cushy wall falling away?

Me: That's exactly right.

Jason, from the stairs, trying to speak during bouts of hysterical pre-teen laughter, "Take and egg and whisk it, grab the bum and frisk it..."


Joe: So how do you use a tampon?

And at this point, I handed him the package insert.

He came back with questions.

Moral of the story: Eggs can be used for more than just cooking...



Edit: I'm so sorry - I didn't actually answer the question. I'd go with "straight to the point, but use educational aids if you need to...."



[edit on 14-9-2005 by Tinkleflower]

When I was in elementary school my mother just bought me a book that explained the whole thing. It worked with me, given that I was reading her old college textbooks when I was 5....

So that's how things work!! At last I understand.

Thanks Tinkleflower!.

Jak