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Health and Fitness

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posted on Aug, 29 2005 @ 12:50 PM
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You wanna know something? This really makes my blood boil.


Here I am, 53 years old, and I go to my doctors as I don't feel as if I'm firing on all cylinders.

She takes my BP - ok, so it's a little high. She checks my cholesterol - ok, that's not what it should or could be either. The she checks me out top to toe and asks me if I smoke. I answere truthfully and say NO! Of course I don't smoke - I quit a month ago!

She asks me if I drink. I answere truthfully and say only twice a week - red or white wine [a bottle] and a couple of shots of vanilla vodka [a bottle between 2] over ice, topped up with diet lemonade.

Then she asks about my diet. Again I answere truthfully and tell her I'm on the Slimfast Diet - but forgot to mention that I do pig out on a weekend when I drink the wine and vodka!

She looks at me and, pointing to my belly says that she reckons I'm overweight! I say rubbish, so she decides to weigh me. I weigh in at 18 1/2 stones - sorry Yanks, can't work it out in pounds.

Now dear friends, I am six foot two inches tall and have a very large frame.
When she weighed me, I was overweight by 5 1/2 stones.

Doctor tells me I must start serious dieting and exercising. I go home and am very upset. I feel very low until, I get an email from a mate who's a police officer on the Island of Jersey. It reads:

Health Questions and Answers

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life if your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO .Cocoa beans. Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions any of you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - chocolate in one hand--strawberries in the other -- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming WOO HOO! What a ride!!!!!!!!!




posted on Aug, 29 2005 @ 03:04 PM
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I'm sorry but what I've read sounds like crap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Sounds like crap to me. Meat has a lot of cholesterol in it, animal fats is one of the reasons why so many folks are getting strokes and heart attacks. Eating meat is good, but not good when you over eat them. My dad used to eat alot of meat, once he found out he had high cholesterol he stopped eating to much and starte eating more veggies and fruits. He fine now.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good


There are advantages of excercising.

Here:

1) Increases energy levels

2) Maintains, tones, and strengthens your muscle. Exercise also increases your muscular endurance.

3) Decreases your blood pressure

4) Increases your matabolism so you burn calories everyday

5) Makes the heart a more efficient pump by increasing stroke volume

6) Increases the strength in your bones

7) Improves your sleeping patterns

8) Decreases blood levels of fat

9) Causes the development of new blood vessels in the heart and other muscles.

10) Enlarges the arteries that supply blood to the heart

I could go on with this list.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO .Cocoa beans. Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around


Yes its good for you, but don't over eat it. Remember, to much sugar can turn to fat.


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Swimming does give you a good figure, as for the whales. Whales need that load of fat becuase it protects them from the cold water.

advantages of swimming:

-A stronger heart

-Better balance and muscular endurance

-Improved strength and flexibilty

-Improved blood circulation

-Relief from stress and tension

-Increases your energy

- Rehabilitation for used or healing muscles and recovery from accidents and injuries

-Enhanced physique or figure


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


It calculates your body fat percentage. inch-aweigh.com...


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions any of you may have had about food and diets.


Misconceptions? Scientists and nutritionists spend many years researching ways to make peoples bodies healthy naturally just so we don't get sick and dies of cancer, viruses, diseases etc etc Give them some credit. What your friend sent you is totally false, I suggest you don't follow what he sent you if you want to live a healthier life.




[edit on 29-8-2005 by Striker122]



posted on Aug, 29 2005 @ 03:39 PM
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Striker my dear chap - I know all that crap! I am a member of Esporta Fitness Club in sunny Gloucester City.

Please re-read the latter half of my thread from Health Questions and Answeres and, if I may make a suggestion?

Try to read between the lines. Better yet, get somebody to explain it to you. :bnghd:



posted on Aug, 29 2005 @ 03:50 PM
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Ok, can you explain this stuff to me. I don't see how this could be for real.



posted on Aug, 29 2005 @ 04:19 PM
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It's a joke, he's yankin' yer chain. He doesn't really believe that the Q and As are good medical advise. Round is a shape?

By the way, that vanilla vodka on the rocks with diet lemonaide sounds awful!!!...'Course, after a bottle of wine, it may serve to simply complete the job of



posted on Aug, 29 2005 @ 05:04 PM
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Thanks Junglejake. Hard to believe he lives in the land of the free where education is top of the agenda.



posted on Aug, 29 2005 @ 05:20 PM
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Hey Jungle, I forgot to say that the vodka is Swedish Absolute Vodka, the very next to best vodka in the world - after Russian Stolichnaya that is.

Here's a handy tip. By a decent bottle of vodka - either straight Stoli or Absolute, place it gently in your freezer for a month then, when you feel like getting bladdered quickly, pour over a single, large ice cube [1 1/2 x 1/2 inch] drink neat or add the mixer of your choice. The vodka appears to 'thicken' much like the consistency of glycerine - but the effect is brilliant!



posted on Aug, 29 2005 @ 10:32 PM
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Originally posted by fritz
Thanks Junglejake. Hard to believe he lives in the land of the free where education is top of the agenda.


Hey now, no need to insult. There have been plenty of jokes that I've completely missed that others have pointed out what the joke was and I just smack my head in shock that I didn't get it. In other cases, even after they explain it I look at the joke confused.

I have also read posts on this very site similar to yours that were serious. It's sad, but true.

As to getting really sloshed, just get some brandy to about 100 degrees, and you'll be seeing double after your first sip.



posted on Aug, 31 2005 @ 01:13 AM
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Junglejake, that does sound good.

I'm not a great fan of Brandy - aoart from Calvados which adore.

I simply cannot stand whiskey - but I just love Old No 7 JD and Jim Beam.

Think I'll have to start a booze thread.





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