Yeah, so there have been a lot of these threads
I hope no one is bothered or offended, but I'm actually looking for Christian advise. It will become clear why; I already know the secular advise.
About 3 years ago, I met the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. This includes supermodels, actresses, etc. She is gorgeous. Whatever, I'm just
Jake, she'd never be interested in me.
About 6 months ago I'm talking with my cousin. She works with this adonis of a woman, and we're talking about her. She's talking about how great
she is, compassionate, kind, etc. She just sounds like she's got a personality to match the face. I don't really care; she's way out of my league.
A couple weeks later, I show up for my regular Tuesday visit to my cousin at the restraunt/bar she works at. I often go on Tuesdays because that is my
cousin's monday, the place is dead, she's usually making no money, and likes having someone there to talk to. I have two Guinesses after work, then
On this particular Tuesday, this woman happens to be working for someone else who usually works Tuesday nights. Cool, eye candy, but nothing can be
done. It was so bizzare. She starts conversations that just die. She's going after interests I don't have, and she is, as far as I can tell at the
moment, the bartender. Turns out she's not, and my tip is going to someone else. He comes back from his smokey treat, I say hi, knowing him since
he's the Tuesday bartender and has been a buddy for a couple of years. Well, not really a buddy, but we've known eachother, and I'm a good tipper,
so he talks with me (4 years doing deliveries will do that to a person). She sits down next to me, and is blatantly fllirting. Touching my arm as she
talks, talking about how this is her second job, not her profession, etc. Just....Things geared to impress and make a connection. I'm floored. I
can't tell you what it was like when I left that night. I was on top of the world. The most beautiful woman in the world is attracted to me. Oh my
gosh, did Hell just freeze over?
That night I call my cousin and bring her up. My cousin starts telling me things she hadn't the night before. Before that, I had run into this woman
on several occasions at the bar, but not often. My cousin starts telling me she asks about me sometimes.
I'm an armchair psychologist, and this information floors me. I had gotten out of a relationship 4 months before where the woman I was dating in true
Christian fashion, meaning not a physical relationship but an emotional one, was actually engaged and banging another coworker as well. Naturally my
confidence was shot, but I'm proud, so I got over it pretty quickly.
After hanging up with my cousin, bam, instant infatuation with this gorgeous woman. I fell for her hard core. It was almost obsession, and had only
been taking place for about 8 hours.
So I'm on my way to work, listening to Michael Yussef (a Christian minister on WYLL). I don't remember the message, but after it, I said a prayer.
This is it, as best as I can remember:
"Lord, if this is your will for me, that I date and marry [name removed], awesome. Great. That would be fantastic. But...If...If...(this part was
really hard to get out)...If it's not Your will...Lord, I don't have the strength to get rid of this feeling. I can't. I'm weak and dependant
right now. Lord, if it is not your will, please, please, take this feeling away from me. You have the power, you have the strength, just take it
I had turned the radio down, and after I said that prayer, I turned it back up. Then I tried going back to thinking about her.
It was gone.
The feeling didn't exist anymore. It was completely gone. I have never experienced something like that. Infatuation was killed on the spon. After I
realized this, I laughed, and said (again, as best I remember):
"A...Alright. Cool, I hear ya loud and clear! Thank you!"
I thanked Him because he knows what the future probably would have held for me.
Now, it's almost a year since. I'm at a party with that same cousin, and she's infatuated with a guy, and is just starting to get religion. We're
talking, and I'm explaining to her that she needs to surrender the relationship to God. She has to say a prayer saying she wants God's will because
he knows what would truely complete her. I explained what happened with this other woman, and used that as an example. She explains to me that she's
afraid to do it. I retort saying that she doesn't know He's going to say no. If she is, she already has her answer. Again I go into the explanation
of this woman. It just fits perfectly with what my cousin is telling me. (By the way, I hadn't really given a thought to her since, especially when I
found out she had started to date that bartender from Tuesdays. I did not
want another repeat of my last relationship.)
Then my cousin drops the bombshell.
This woman had left the bartender because she couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't know God and hadn't accepted Christ. I tried my
hardest to control my face, and I think I did it. However, I'm not sure. I was floored. The question developed in my mind that, maybe I wasn't
supposed to hook up with her when I was so pathetically seeking an emotional replacement to my last relationship. I was looking for a rebound back
then. Now the bond has been severed with my last lassy, and I'm told of this.
And that's where I stand. I don't know what to do. Do I start going to see her when she's working? Do I start going on group dates with her? I
mean, the only contention I've found with her that we could have is that she's rather liberal and, as I'm sure you know, I'm an ultra
conservative. However, my best friend is an ultra liberal, and that doesn't stop us -- we have some awesome conversations, and if one of us starts
getting a little too...passionate, the other ends the conversation. Yet, God said "no" before. Was it timing, or was it an equivical "No"?
I just watched Devil's Advocate Sunday, a few days after this happened, and my guard is up as a result. The Enemy plays tricks with our minds. I have
been forcing myself to recall that experience in the car, because at times I almost dismiss it. Yet the rest of the time, I recognize it, and I
recognize that in the state I was in, she would have been my world, not God. Now, today, she wouldn't. I am especially on guard of my heart, and am
reading one of the best books I've ever read, Wild At Heart, which talks about exactly this.
I have, of course, prayed. The only message that is getting through is that the Enemy will try to skew my thoughts. At the same time, He has also been
putting a burden on me because I'm extremely arrogant and don't rely on others for anything
. Been hurt too many times, and think I'm way too
great to rely on others. I'm thinking I need to go out to my brothers and sisters for the answer. I'll be talking about this, if I have the
opportunity, in my small group, but this is the only other place where I know like minded believers.
My prayers have been answered with the message to guard my thoughts. I haven't gotten an answer to going after her or not. She seems like she is
awesome people; when I talked to her, she was intelligent and fun. I don't know. I just don't know. I guess I need your prayers, and I need some
advise. My cousin said she still talks about me despite the brushoff. There's still a chance, and she's going to be replacing the person who usually
works the tables with my cousin on Tuesdays. She's going to be around. What do I do?
Any advise would be greatly appreciated. I'm at a loss here, and I believe God wants me to go to my brothers and sisters. To put myself on the line
here and admit that I don't have all the answers.
I can assure you, I will
question you, yes or no. That's just my nature, if your response leaves any questions in my mind, I will be asking
them. It is not because I think you're wrong, but because I seek more depth. If you don't know the answer, please just say, "I don't know".
Don't try to defend your stance because you're sure you're right. If you do have an answer to the questions that will follow, however, share them.
I would rather have an unknown than a lie.
Rock, rock on.
[edit on 8-23-2005 by junglejake]