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Bodies of Ochre

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posted on Aug, 17 2005 @ 11:40 PM
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Hi there. This is a story I have entered for a state writing competition here in Queensland, Australia. All stories must be exactly 100 words in length (including the title) and must contain the word Africa.

I started thinking about ancient Africa, birthplace of Humanity and began to wonder about the cave paintings our ancestors made. I thought: after we leave, what do the paintings do? I mused for a while that they would continue doing what they had always done - hunting game and protecting humans who had long since departed. Then I thought that maybe they would get sick of this after a while and that if we returned to the caves, the paintings would just be of bored people sitting around doing nothing.

Anyway, the competition isn't for a while, so I thought I'd post it here and get some feedback. Let me know what you think, unless you really hate it in which case kindly lie to me.


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Bodies of Ochre …

you gave us. Back in the Not-Now you shaped us limbs of earth and spears of soot, contours of rock defining boundaries of our being.

Forsaking your caves, you journeyed out of Africa. Bereft of purpose, we abandoned our ceaseless hunts. Should you return, you would find us other than how you left us.

Yet still we remain – the forlorn mewling of your newborn sentience. And when the Not-Now comes again, when folly or design or capriciousness of nature drives you back to us, we will be waiting – to succour and protect you – with bodies of ochre.

[edit on 17/8/05 by Jeremiah25]




posted on Aug, 19 2005 @ 02:55 PM
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Hi Jeremiah, I think your story is cool, but if it supposed to be 100 words exactly, then I count 101 words... I even copy/pasted into a blank word doc and did a word count there - it shows 101 words. Sorry...



posted on Aug, 20 2005 @ 07:33 AM
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it shows 101 words

Yeah, this little issue had me counting words until I went cross-eyed.
I was basing my word-count on what Word told me. But, when Word told me that I had 100 words exactly, I counted them myself and there were in reality 99. It turns out that it was counting things such as dashes "-" and dots "..." as words. Silly little program. So I abandoned Word's advice all together and counted the words out manually. There are 100 words exactly, but Word, in mis-identifying the symbols, counts it as either more or less. It was a headache to sort out why Word said I had too few words when I counted the right amount.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for the comments.




posted on Aug, 22 2005 @ 09:36 PM
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You know, I dis-like word limits in general but when they limit you to 100 words, damn, thats like swinging in a noose.

Good story though.

If I could give you some advice, it would be this.

Don't limit yourself to just one idea. write 100 words as if you were mount kilimanjero, be a child dying from AIDS, be a monkey searching for water, be a diamond uncovered and stolen is S.A.

I only say this because you said you had some time before it has to be submitted. Write several short pieces and then pick your favorite and polish it with all you've got.

Ochre is a good story, but if you keep playing with the concept the brain fairies might give you a better one


Wupy



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