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Ragnarok to Start Next Tuesday (spoof alert)

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posted on Aug, 9 2005 @ 08:57 AM
Ragnarok to Start Next Tuesday
Written by Moby

ASGARD--After a millennium or so of waiting, the Norse Gods have finally announced plans to begin Ragnarok, the divine war that will temporarily end all life on earth.

Odin, the father of the gods, will lead the forces of good into battle, despite already knowing that he will be killed. "I'm supposed to fight a giant wolf, and he’s suppose to eat me. Then my son will tear him in half…or something like that. It’s all been very carefully planned, really.”

Planned, and carefully practiced. The Gods have been rehearsing the epic battle for weeks, to ensure that all of the details are properly considered.

Thor, a popular favorite, is also doomed to die in battle alongside a number of his celestial cohorts. In fact, nobody is suppose to survive, save for one god, Balder, who is according to most accounts already dead.

"It's complicated," reports Freya, Goddess of Beauty and Love. "Balder was shot to death with a sprig of Mistletoe, and Papa Odin went through Hell to get him back, but couldn' we're going to war over it, and when everyone is dead, Balder gets to come back to life to repopulate the earth. It's not fair, but hey, that's Norse mythology for you."

In the meantime, Freya is sprucing up Valhalla, the mythic hall for legendary warriors who have died, in anticipation of the carnage to come.

The leader of the resistance is none other than trouble-maker Loki, who was once in good standing with the Gods. With the knowledge that he and his deformed animal-children will all die in battle, Loki has some reservations. "I'm the bad guy, but I don't really want to be. And I'm going to lose. That's the part that really pulls at my beard. I've been preparing for this for centuries, but in the end, the earth is only going to be incinerated before completely reflourishing. All of my efforts will be wasted."

The events will start roughly around 3:00 on Tuesday afternoon, following a barbeque lunch and greatly anticipated game of touch-football. The people of the world are invited to the picnic, but are also encouraged to run for their lives, though it is likely that they will all be killed no matter what.

Though the world will be demolished, fate has designated two survivors to repopulate the earth. The couple is Lifthrasir and Lif Jones of Scotchplains, NJ, and with names like that it is only fitting that the pair be allowed to live.

posted on Aug, 9 2005 @ 11:17 AM
Bah, Frodo will save the world one more time...

posted on Aug, 9 2005 @ 11:34 AM
Is it time for SG1 to save the Earth again?
Wait, the Asgard are indebted to Earth for saving them from the replicators and such........

I believe your post was a joke and this is a jike post back, if you are serious-Please ignore this post-no offence ment.

posted on Aug, 9 2005 @ 11:42 PM
Thanks for the heads-up!

I was looking forward to a rather boring Tuesday coming up, but now I'll have something to do!

posted on Aug, 12 2005 @ 08:12 AM
yep it was and is a spoof. something light for a change.

posted on Aug, 12 2005 @ 08:31 AM
No mention of what's on the menu at the picnic?

It might be worth the trip to Asgard for a nice steak but I'm not going if it's only milk and honey again.

posted on Aug, 20 2005 @ 08:57 AM
I would expect that Mead would be a headliner, also " fish, fowl, and beasts of all kinds."

posted on Aug, 20 2005 @ 10:39 AM
Well I don't know about y'all, but I'm going to build me an underground bunker and stock up with food and drinks and try to live through it! If those two from NJ can, so can I!

posted on Aug, 21 2005 @ 12:44 AM
LOl I say bah to. O wait Odin comin

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