Guys and pornography

This whole guy and pornography thing really doesnt make sense to me. well it does..but it doesnt.

the part that doesnt is..why would a guy look at pornongraphy if he is still in a happy commitied relationship with his GF and they have a great sex life?

im trying to talk to my friend ashley about this because she came over to my house in tears over this. here and her Bf have been together for along time. and she said that in his own words"he considers looking at porn cheating" she then comes to find out that he has been looking at porn for along time. i guess her bf was crying when she confronted him about it (they are both 20) and he says that it has nothing to do with him not being attracted to her and he doesnt want to loose her. its just something that he has always done.


SO i need some guys in here to give me some feedback.

If you were a guy dating a completely gorgeous girl and you had a great sex life with her, you wanted to marry her, and you know if you looked at porn it would hurt her feelings, why would you do it...

what does it mean when a guy that is in that situtation chooses to look at porn anyway? thats what i want to know.

Kind Regards,
DG


p,s i know someone is going to ask , it is heterosexual porn..not gay...so this isnt an identity crisis.

yea i get that you have brains.

but what im asking is what does it mean when a guy looks at porn when he says that he is totally happy and satisfied with his GF? Does it mean that hes not satisfied with his girlfriend, or does it have nothing to do with her at all?

DG

[edit on 10/01/2004 by DigitalGrl]

Read the article, if you haven't already.

Pornography is a chemical addiction, just like nicotine or caffeine.

The brain gets a fix when you look at porn, if the brain likes the fix it gets, it will attempt to motivate the shell (the man) into looking at more porn. It's no different than a cigarette causing a pleasurable experience, and addiction resulting from the brain's enjoyment of that experience.

OK.... First off I think Porn is satan and should be destroyed....
second off I am a guy
and now to answer your question.

Men feel the urge to become sexually stimulated when the body excretes enough of the male hormone "Testostrone" when the hormone effects with the brain it makes the guy want sex or atleast mock sex (AKA the M word)

Most men decide that they ought to have a visual reference to help aid the process. and thusly look at porn.


Pornorgaphy is verry bad for a relationship though. in most porn the wemon are near perfect and to men who are constantly looking at porn it creates this idea of what wemon should be. Also when a man becomes addicted to M and Porn they have a tendency to have sexual desires more often. When in a relationship this can create an unhealty balance. (LIFE IS NOT ABOUT SEX!)

However... Masturbation and sexual stimulation is something that men need. The hormone will always be released. And men need to get rid of it. Have you ever seen a man who is in desperate craving of sex? have you seen what kind of JA things they can do? Its really bad for their mental health and physical health also. Because masturbation helps keep a mans prostate in good healty check and should be done once a month....

( I feel so horrible talking about this stuff)

But the problem for most men comes in when sexual desire controls their lives. Porn should never be used. NEVER. Its terribly bad for a relationship and terribly bad for mens psyce. As long as its done to relese sexual energy and to keep a man sane its perfectly fine and natural.

But yep porn is bad, and why men look at it? because someone introduced them to it and then they can't think of another way.....

right then.......here we go.......

as an EXPERT in the field .......having probably watched more porn in my short life time than most people could watch in 10 life times...(and starred in one)...porn is just a lot of fun.......sex is the most natural thing in the world....it creates a natural high when your doing it (especially with me!!.....poor joke)....porn boils down to the fantasy state of which ones mind can wander and you can put yourself in situations you wouldnt dream of doing in real life.

for example:- i think a lot of guys fantasize about having sex with more than one women at the same time....the reallity is great, its fun and a laugh, it can also be unbelievbley sensual ....but....many people realise that once the act has been committed, that one or both of the people involved in involving the 3rd member start to get jealous.......this is why its far easier to just use porn as a substitute....by the time youve 'crippled the hamster'....its done and dusted...no body gets hurt or offended.

ive been to some freaking weird partys, involving some bizzare stuff......i dont think i ever felt embarrased or weird...mainly due to the fact i dont think any of it really matters in the big scheme of things? (by the way were not talking too weird)...have fun, have lots of (safe) sex, as long as if your in a relationship both parties consent?........live life, have fun...

PORN ROCKS!!

TextPornorgaphy is verry bad for a relationship though. in most porn the wemon are near perfect and to men who are constantly looking at porn it creates this idea of what wemon should be. Also when a man becomes addicted to M and Porn they have a tendency to have sexual desires more often. When in a relationship this can create an unhealty balance. (LIFE IS NOT ABOUT SEX!)

what a complete load of dribble.......if lifes not about sex than god really fecked up......(if there is one?)

oh...and by the way..porn works great in most relationships that i know of?

Women need not see it as anything but men being horny.

We are still animals, one of our main primal urges is to reproduce. Its not a threat to the female, thinks about it this way, would you rather him look at porn and have a happy ending or find another girl to have a happy ending?

Texti guess her bf was crying when she confronted him about it (they are both 20) and he says that it has nothing to do with him not being attracted to her and he doesnt want to loose her. its just something that he has always done.

oh....and just for the record....you cant always expect your GF (s)....to dress up in rediculously high heels with her mate .......hence porn can be a pal!!

maybe that answers your friends question?

TextAs far as I can tell the only thing that kid did wrong was lie saying he doesn't watch porn. He should have clued mousy insecure pants right in on his favorite past time. If she couldn't deal, next!

NEXT!!!....LMFAO!!!!

Why is porn wrong in America? Because it is sexually repressed to a ridiculous extreme...but violence is just GREAT. Don't get me started on that!


Anyway, my girlfriend HATES porn. No, I mean REALLY HATES IT and for the same reason you gave: That she should be enough in her eyes. The thing is that she is enough love for me...but porn isn't about love. It isn't a real person that you are looking at; it is merely a representation of an ideal. There is no emotion involved. A guy never thinks, "Gee, I wonder if she likes the same type of movies that I do" or "If we went out to diner, I wonder what type of food she would like." Men don't look at the pixels on the computer screen or the ink on the magazine and associate it to a entity with human emotional qualities.

And in my opinion, I think that is exactly why men 'enjoy' porn. It does not have to be a big emotional production. We don't have to be concerned about a partner's needs. Now don't get me wrong because the emotional interaction of sex is a wonderful thing, BUT sometimes we just want to enjoy ourselves without having the concern/consideration/stress of someone elses needs.

Does that answer the question?

PS Perhaps that sounds selfish, but don't you do things just for yourself sometimes, to treat yourself. It really isn't any different.

[edit on 9-8-2005 by Jonna]

I guess I have it made.. my gal likes to watch it with me


Seriously, there have been a lot of good answers provided here, my 2cents is they just need to talk / communicate and work it out..

Originally posted by elevatedone
my 2cents is they just need to talk / communicate and work it out..

Some women feel so personally offended (as if the man is doing something intensionally to hurt them) that they can not see past it as anything other than an insult. I've been with my gf for four years now, we have talked about it, fought about it, ignored each other and nothing has changed. She can't get past it and I do not see why I should stop doing something that I enjoy.

Originally posted by Jonna
Anyway, my girlfriend HATES porn. No, I mean REALLY HATES IT

Sounds like somebody needs a Choco Party! Good! Good!

Ok..Digital Girl,
Where to start.
First off let me start by saying that most of the men I know are dumber than a rock about most things female and especially about female socialization or in some cases non sociallization standards.

first off...females especially in the West are highly territorial. They have both subtle and non subtle ways of marking out their territory. All of them primordal!!! Little civilized about it. Men are pretty much dumb about this. To much sports Illustrated swimsuit edition blocking thier thinking. Think I'm kidding...watch them when the swimsuit edition is laid out in front of them...most brainwave activity ...flatlines for men.
The facts are ...unknown to most men ...that women attach a social stigma and territoriality behind sex that most men do not. It is a far more reaching stigma and territoriality than most men can even concieve. Very sophisticated compared to men. Women tend to attach everything about them ..everything they ever hope to own...or control to sex and sexuality. Women are far more competitive in this arena than men ever thought of being. Women understand competition concerning sex and its implications socially far more on a intimate level than is possible for the provincial thinking of most men.

Men...wake up...go to a check out stand ..and look at the womens category of magazines. Begin with those at teen years ...seventeen and the like..watch the advertising ...also check out romance novels...harelequin novels and the ilk. Watch the concealed sexuality and the association with female power to get a man to perform. This grows in intensity as the woman grows. It is mostly about subtilty and sex. This by the way "is" pornography.
For you guys to sit here muted about the topic of Pornography as if it is a total male topic is dumber than dumb. Suggest you pick up a copy of Cosmopolitan magazine..or Glamour. IN each issue there are several topics under sex sexuality ,sex games. This is pornography right down to the quizzes. How to gain female power and control over a man if you play your cards correctly according to this formula they outline. No hints about how to earn a living honestly by real labor or effort ..no products to do the same..all advertising about enhancing beauty and sexuality..ie pornography. Why ..because men are the career if a womans career doesnt work out. And sex and beauty are the requisit tools.
Read a couple of womens romance novels...I strongly suggest this ..look at the covers. Just because it is not presented in the manner that it is for men ..does not mean it is not pornography. The title among the so called "experts" in this field is soft porn. I can assure you that the material in these books is blazing hot.

While I do not encourage men to spend so much time focusing on porn...do not be ignorant enough to give a whining woman..any woman..a free pass on the issue..the matter at issue is social power and the ability to pyramid control over a man to other things. House payments, car payments , insurance payments , vacations,,,etc..with sex and sexuality as the bait. You guys need to really grow up in this arena....alot. You women too.

Gaining access to women is not a issue that should occupy so much of a mans time that he has to constantly go to pornography.
For those of you who cannot think this far...if you men think you are the "hunter gatherers" Guess again. Just because a woman does not hunt actively as do men does not mean she is not hunting and gathering. Grow up!! Wise up you men!!
I know many women for whom thier sexuality .even into olde age is the only skill they are integrated into. Anything else would take real commitment and they tend to avoid that..thats why their real skill in life is sex and men. It is pitiful to watch them when the clock strikes midnight and they begin to turn into a pumkin. Sexuality no longer works...and they lose their safety net if they dont find ways to lock it in at a younger age. These are real hunter gathers and predators. Beware of these women. They will use any tool including sex and sexuality to make you prey...and in this these women are pornographic..obscene. They would rather sleep with a man and consume his production in this manner than give him some commodity of real intrinsic value...for to do this would take real commitment.
This is why this behavior is obscene and pornographic.

My main point is ...do not ever be ignorant about the nature of pornography. Women are bombarded by this far more than are men. 24/7. It is just that most men are so one dimensional in this field and run with thier tails between their legs when the issue is brought up because of their ignorance.
Dont be ignorant about this you guys ...study. Grow Up.

And Digital Girl..you yourself should be smarter than this ...and your girlfriends too. Grow up. The settings on yours and your girlfriends dials are not the only settings out here. You are not sitting on the only one in town...as the old woman taught me. Yours and your girlfriends maneuverings while understandable are not honest or the whole picture. Women are far more sexual and sexuality oriented than most men ever thought of being. By far!!!!! And women identify with sexuality far more intimately ..and I dont just mean in bed ..than most men will ever understand. What a dumb bunch of men out here. It would be a nightmare out here for you and your girlfriend if the men ever caught on to what is really happening. For your survival..do your best to keep them stupid and guilty.
When I date a woman ..I check out quickly what kind of books/magazines she reads and programming she takes in...as a indicator of what her real value system might be. Not the one she advertises but her real value system. The other tell tale is on what she is willing or not willing to spend her money. While not exclusive ..these are tell tale indicators of whether she is high maintnence or a woman worthy.

Thanks,
Orangetom

Originally posted by DigitalGrl
Guys and pornography


If you were a guy dating a completely gorgeous girl and you had a great sex life with her, you wanted to marry her, and you know if you looked at porn it would hurt her feelings, why would you do it...

Because.

what does it mean when a guy that is in that situtation chooses to look at porn anyway? thats what i want to know.

It means he wants to look at porn.

The only real problem in the whole thing is that if the guy knows that looking at porn is hurting his girlfriend, then he should try to stop, or at the very least, talk to her about it and try to see her side. It's not the looking at the porn that's bad, it's disregarding her feelings, which justified or not, count.

As for guys looking at porn, I'm a girl, and I couldn't care less. Unless a guy develops some weird addiction to it or gets deluded into thinking that women should be like porn stars, then it's his perogative.

I support my husband's porn addiction, it's the only way I get enough time to be on ATS

joking there, but there is nothing wrong with a man watching porn. Men like naked women. that's it, kind of how women like to shop, men like to watch naked women. They know what they have at home, and they know what they can only window shop for. It's not cheating, while most men would initially think the idea of being with a porn star is a great one, once they use their "real" brain, they know that is not the type of woman they want to marry and have a family with. There is nothing wrong with it and can be quite helpful in maintaining a healthy relationship.
If your friend and her man is serious about a long term commitment, things such as pornography should be out in the open and both should come to an agreement of what rocks their collective boats.