It's about the Captain Morgan commercials. It used to be that, no one knew what Jaegermeister or Cap'n were. And I enjoyed that. It sucks to see
things get so commercial.
"everybody's got a little captn in them."
I know others have mentioned it on this thread, where people have their leg up on imaginary casks of invisible rum.
What kills me is the line "Even your best friend's mom has 'got a little captain in her.'
What, is that supposed to be my secret name for my penis????
Am I hoping to get Kevin's mom drunk so I can "get the little cap'n" IN her?
Maybe I'm nuts. I don't know. The doctor says the pills really were helping me. But I can think more clearly
Now understand me.
I went to college with a bunch of FREAKS who had turned captain Morgan's Spiced Rum into a sort of Secret Society Cult.
Basically, You had to memorize the back of the bottle, but you could only do it with a full bottle in your hand. If you made a mistake, you had to
take a big slug off the (quart) bottle. Rinse and repeat till you get it RIGHT, sailor! Then, at about 4 a.m. when you are so drunk your actually
hallucinating, someone starts spouting off on how Captain Morgan was actually the rogue freemason who published the masonic secrets and was murdered.
That drunk gets shouted down by others who say they were two different Captain Morgans. And somone else says the mason-betrayer took that name in
honor of the pirate, who had two female
officers on his ship that he raised as masons and made his junior and senior wardens, and that the
real reason the Brits were after him was not because he was a privateer, but because he was a clandestine co-mason. . . .
Every couple of years, about 8 a.m. on new year's day, I get a slurred phone call from one of my college buds:
"Captain Morgan favored the spicy life, and a glass of his favorite spiced rum. Born to wealthy welsh parents, Captain Morgan left the comfortable
life for one which proved far more satisfying: that of a buccaneer on the Spanish Main. His feats were many, his exploits endless, and his thirst .
. . legendary.
Now those of you who enjoy a great rum can savor a glorious rum. Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum. The original spiced rum. Discover how captain
morgan's spiced rum makes all of your rum drinks taste even better.
Spice rum pina colada. Mix 1 1/4 oz. coconut milk . . ."
(They usually go further, I never made it beyond the rank of bosun's mate.)