Online "Relationship"

What does everybody think about long distance, or online "relationships" ?

Personally, I don't mind them much as im still a teen. It gives you the feeling of dating someone, but you can't get too attached at the same time.

Yes I can get girls offline, but I'm holding back waiting for the girls to come to me, and hopefully the right one will come along when I'm a bit older.

Sorry if this comes out offensive..

To me that sounds like someone saying
"I know what its like to be in the Olympics because I played the Olympics video game"

There are many aspects of love that cannot be expressed through a computer or telephone.

But by the same token, you can get to know somebody very intimately online....in the same way as we'd form friendships and/or relationships by writing letters.

I do agree that you can't "love" someone until you've met them face to face; but you can certainly come to care deeply about someone without having had physical contact.

The danger comes from never really knowing who is at the other end of that internet connection....it's a risk you take, and it's infinitely easier to lie over the internet - you can claim to be whoever you want, and people are rarely motivated to actually check up on what they're being told.

I personally think they're ridiculous... If you feel the need to have that feeling of a relationship, go out and get a real one... I promise, it will be much more rewarding to have a girlfriend you can hug and kiss and actually, dear God, SEE than to have one out in the middle of Zimbabwe...

About you being too young for an actual relationship== How old are you??? I totally understand the feeling of being young and not wanting to be tied down, but I'm just curious of how young you are...

I basically just think it's not a smart idea... For all you know, you could be dating Bubba from the middle of Arkansas... And that may just be devastating to a young boy's ego...

Online relationships are weak because you're not dealing with a person. You're ealing with your conception of that person and visual construction of that person. How can you meet the one you truly love if all you've been dealing with are cut out imaginary girl friends?

I agree with tinkleflower here. They're fine, and there's nothing wrong with them. You can get a fantastic idea of the person, and become very close, but you need personal interaction in real life to get anywhere properly. That's how you share moments and memories.

I met the guy that became my husband online, in a chat room... we only met face to face 8 months after meeting online, and we've been married for 4 years, that means we've been together for almost 6 years... its not the easiest way to meet a person, but it can work if you have the patiente for it ... and safety is an issue wether your face to face or not.....

this map show our location when we met


A - him
B - me




[edit on 2-8-2005 by BaastetNoir]

Long Distance Survivor Here...

Met my gal online, over 7 years ago.

We met online, chatted casually for about 2 months, started taking it a little further... started talking on the phone after about 3 months, met in person shortly after that...

I moved to her city after 4 - 5 months....

We're still together, 7 1/2 years and just purchased Wedding Rings over the weekend....

Congratulations to all of you who've managed to bridge the distance and are enjoying a successful relationship; that's a beautiful thing

I also met my (ex)husband online, back in 1996. We fell in love, moved in together, and in 1998 we were married, after I moved to the US to be with him permanently.

Alas, we seperated in May of 2004, and our divorce was finalised in January of this year. Though it took us a long time to acknowledge this, both of us are now fairly sure that we rushed things, in part because of the ease at which you can "talk" to someone online who may seem to be everything you want in a partner. It's very, very easy to "fall" for someone who pays you so much attention in that manner.

I still believe that online relationships can be beautiful, and work - their major flaw is that online you don't have the benefit of being able to observe body language. Emotion can be misinterpreted very easily, as can intent and general demeanour.

I suppose if asked today, I'd be more likely to say "well..yes, some net relationships do work out. But many end in disappointment, and it's often because they do lack that initial benefit of being able to look someone in the eyes as you talk with them".(or at the very least, take other clues from body language, tone of voice, etc)

Bottom line (yes, I know I'm wordy. So sue me )?

Take your time. As with any relationship.
Be slightly cynical. As with any relationship.
And do NOT ignore any red lights that might be going off in your subconscious - if s/he sounds good to be true, s/he probably IS....

I am virtual equivalent of an old campaigner in the world of online dating. Years and years of it have left me cynical and twisted, though I still do it. There are some really great stories I have- like I met one girl about seven years ago, and we actually are still really good friends. We dated for awhile, but there was the Betrayal, with a capital B. Lots of interesting relationships...interesting women from far off places.

I don't mind it, but hey, your funeral. I do it because the real life women don't much care for me. By which I mean I have sucessively dated absolute NUTBARS and have been scarred for life. It's sad when you meet better chicks ONLINE than in real life.

My advice is to buy that damn phone card, or get them to use a webcam or something. The 5$ phone card might just save you a couple of weeks or months of embarassment.

DE

I'm fine with them.

Whatever makes someone happy.

I know a girl who waited 6 years of online dating (last 4 they met twice a year for about a month all together) and have now been together for 18months in the flesh.

It just allows people to meet others "like them" and to be honest, look at many "real" relationships that involve things such as domestic abuse, etc. They are not perfect either.

Even in the flesh we can show a false side easily enough.

In today's world meeting people now takes on new forms and the internet is one of them. I think online is alright for general friendships and having a person/place to converse with especially if you do not converse much off line. People need outlets to talk sometimes. I do think much caution has to be exercised when moving to a romantic stage online as we all hear the horror stories. Some would say that meeting a date online is really no more harmful than meeting a stranger in a bar. But face to face contact will often tell you things you cannot get online. When people are face to face the body chemistry can give signals that may warn you the connection is not good where as you may not sense that online.

As with any type of relationship, proceed with caution and always get to know a person as best you can. Keep in mind that online, you cannot see into their eyes to know if they are sincere. Good luck.

ktprktpr posts:

"Online relationships are weak because you're not dealing with a person. You're ealing with your conception of that person and visual construction of that person. How can you meet the one you truly love if all you've been dealing with are cut out imaginary girl friends? "

This is about as dumb as it gets. This applies to off line relationships too. Off line people often deal with what they think is their conception of reality not the actual reality. When you see people around you describing their reality or perception of reality/values in terms of some movie they saw..you need to ask yourself how much reality they really know. This is become very common place now days where so much of our lives are artifical.
The key in relationships is how well the people are grounded in real values whether on or off line. How good a person is in knowlege and application of weeding out the weak ones and the fakes. Not just living for a emotional jag...no matter where or how they get it.

Thanks,
Orangetom

I once got into a very heavy relationship with a woman over in AOL.. it started by text.. then grew into very very long phone calls then into once every three months trips between Ogden, UT and Sioux Falls, SD.

In the end.. I got dumped after a series of events.

I say that whatever makes you happy but long distrance relationships can be very very trying...

Originally posted by Ken_Allen
What does everybody think about long distance, or online "relationships" ?

I'm holding back waiting for the girls to come to me, and hopefully the right one will come along...

Kenny, don't expect good girls to come to you. Others, maybe.

faint heart never won a fair lady.

online relationship is just as risky for most people as a physical meeting.

Originally posted by Tinkleflower
online you don't have the benefit of being able to observe body language. Emotion can be misinterpreted very easily, as can intent and general demeanour.

yes, that maybe so, but we see that genrally both type of relationships - on and off the net - have a track record of messing up.

so please don't blame it on the net.

I believe that you can't truly KNOW someone until you have had the chance to piss them off and then see their behaviour towards you.


---

For all you know, you could be dating Bubba from the middle of Arkansas...
Thanks there is now coffee all over my monitor, so true

There is an old saying, a persons true colors come out usually after 4 months, they can't hide tham anymore, I had been one to get into long distance phone relationships when I was about 16, they always ended with some strange girl calling, asking me why I was talking to her boyfriend.

If you are young with not much dating experience,I 'd highly advse you against it it's too hard in the flesh to see if someones being truthful, and in the longrun, you could be setting yourself up for some heartbreak.
This is coming from a woman who posted a topic called, I want to get married blindly, in dharma and greg fashion. I had over 1000 responses, and I wound up not persuing it because I met my ex boyfriend.

Kudos to all those that made it work, I had a friend who's mom was agoraphobic, she met her hubby 10 years ago, hey were engaged immediately, they are still very much in love.

I myself have met my wife online. We talked everyday, then phone. then one day after 2yrs online and phone. I moved across country to be with her. I been here since 1 yr gettting things together after getting here. Then married for 5 yrs and we very happy.

Online relationships have one BIG advantage.

You can be yourself. I mean talk with no pretenses.
And with no real expectations.

Or you can go out and get a real date and have to play nice.

Just remember....a HUGE percentage of communication is lost without tone, body language, expressions, etc. You're only getting a PARTIAL picture with online communication, now matter how intimate it may seem... That said, you're only getting a PARTIAL reality of a relationship....

Not to mention, you're allowed to be selective in what's communicated, so there is censorship, secrets, and so you never get to see what the relationship is like in the rocky times. These are what REALLY test and reinforce REAL relationships....

I personally see anything wrong with online relationships. That's how I met my beautiful future wife to be (almost a year ago). I've heard the negative things about meeting someone online and how it's unpredictable and dangerous ~ and to that I say to each his own.

In all actuality I was never online in hopes of finding that special someone. Perhaps I just wanted someone to conversate with but just as in real life it starts out as a simple "hello and how are you" and if things progress from there then so be it.

In my situation it got to a point that I was tired of going to the clubs and being in that same ole' drama infested environment weekend after weekend. It was very relaxin' and comfortable for me to meet someone online in the comforts of my own home. Granted in today's society your playin' Russian Roulette in terms of who you choose to talk to and who you choose to meet but you do that in real life too. Only difference is that you kinda need to have a mental picture and/or idea of who the person is your talking to. I wouldn't say meeting someone online is a bad thing and from the experience I've been through I'd say it's definitely a good thing. Just be open minded and make smart decisions if you think perhaps this guy/girl might be someone you'd like to really get to know.

Don't get me wrong though it's still very mainstream to meet that guy/girl
via other mean but at the same time there are many alternatives. I for one am happy with the woman I'm with and I'm happy with the choice I made in terms of using all available means of communication.