haven't taken a chance yet

Back in highschool, I had a crush on a certain girl, but never acted on it because I didn't really know her personally, and it would have been weird to approach her. I talked to her once walking on the street while I was driving and she invited me to a party at her house (she was a little drunk, and I never got to the party because it was 'full' inside apparently as soon as I got there) and I was hired a few times by her mother to work on their house, but I'm sure she would have no idea who I am if I happened to run into her again.

The thing is, although I don't really know her, she was the kind of girl who would just make my heart drop into my stomach whenever I saw her. She wasn't the best looking girl, not in the 'popular' clique, there was just something about her that I found irresistibly attractive, and the mystery of not knowing why I was so into her just fueled the attraction. It's now been a couple years, and she has a boyfriend, a real *hole according to some of my friends. I'm not just looking to take her away from that guy, I mean I don't even know her that well and have no idea if she'd like me, but I just want the chance to meet her in a sober moment to see why it is that I'm attracted to her more than any girl i've ever met. The problem I have though, is that I don't know how I'm going to contact her, and if it's right to do this. I have her number because I worked for her mother, but would it be weird to just call up some day and say "you have no idea who I am, but i had a crush on you in highschool...wanna meet?".

I wouldn't use those exact words of course , but it just feels like it would be so awkward to call. This summer I've actually met a few of her friends and we get along well, so I guess I could ask them to give her a heads up before I call, but that might make me seem unsure of myself (which...I guess I kind of am!). So what would you guys do in this situation? The attraction is huge and I feel like I have to meet her, but I'm not sure how to go about it, or whether or not I even should. For the women here, how would you feel on the side of the girl just getting a random call one day?

[edit on 28-7-2005 by zhangmaster]

the woman of yer dreams just comes up to you like *BAM* and u never see it comin- let the girls come to you son but seriously... call her up and ask her if she wants to do somethi and if she says "I got a party that night" than drop it and move onto another girl. good luck son

I say call her up and ask her out... As much as you guys like it when we make the first move, a good bit of us chicks hate it... But anywho, maybe YOU could have a party and invite HER-- That way, if things start to go downhill, you've got a house full of people to talk to and other chicks to hook up with... That way you can play it smooth either way, whether she seems into you or not... If she's giving good vibes, ask her out for a date for just the two of you... Good luck!

I say don't call her. In my opinion that would freak her out.
But then again, I would take the ladies advice (ie. Alcor) before I would take advice from a guy

If I was in you position heres what I would do.
Get to know her friends more. Once you feel comfortable, talk about that girl you like. If her friends like you, I bet they will help out and get you two together.

In the end, if things don't go the way you like. It's no biggie. Life goes on. I bet there are thousands of girls out there that you can have those same feelings for.

Good luck.

As much as I like my own advice, and Oh, do I... I also agree with Umbrax-- Number one, take the lady's advice *ahem* me... However, though it would be possibly productive to go through her friends, it may be MORE productive to just go straight to her... What if you've wasted all that time talking to her loser friends to not even get them too hook y'all up??? I say go directly to her, and, also agreeing with Umbrax here, if it doesn't work, who cares? There's a kajillion more chicks out there who would be much better to have... Can you tell I give this speech a lot??? Succumb to the power of woman!!!

Thanks for the replies so far. Yes, I am a little worried that I'll freak her out. If a random girl happened to call me and profess her love on the phone, that would definately be a good day for me, but its different for a girl. This one in particular might be a little freaked out. She's got a tomboyish personality, hangs out with the guys a lot, and was very loud in school, but is deadly silent when she's around someone she doesn't know. For example, I was going to the local fireworks with a couple friends, and one of them happened to run into the girl and her best friend. He knew the best friend but none of us were friendly with the girl. She just kind of walked around, looking at the ground the whole time her friend was talking. Never introduced herself the whole 5 minutes, and just looked really uncomfortable. The minute they stopped, she went back to her guy friends, shoved them around, and was her normal extroverted self again.

So, I guess it might be better now that I think about it to have her friends contact her. That way she might be much more open to the call and things could work out. I've only known her friends for a short time, but they will definately support me doing this. I'm actually going on vacation in about 5 minutes, so sorry if I don't respond to this thread for awhile....i'll check back when I can in a few days.

She could be like I am, completely oblivious to when a guy likes her, and quite around people she doesn't know. Next time you run into her, intorduce yourself, or say something to her like "hey I've seen you around but we've never met, and then introduce yourself to her. That should open up the possibility for conversation, be friendly. She probably won't be as freaked as you think, especially since you said she always hangs around guys. That means she's very comfortable with them, and could just not notice that you like her. When you see her next and start talking to her (you have to take the initiative) see how she reacts. Just don't come on too strongly, becuase that may turn her off. If she winds up liking you then cool, if not you will at least know and not always wonder what if?

If I could just run into her, I'd be so relieved. The problem here is that I never do, and probably never will. Summer is coming to an end for me and the chance of this happening is getting slim. Let me ask you Sinta...if you had a boyfriend (not sure of your status) and you got a call one day from someone you didn't know, how would you feel? Would you be turned off or freaked out if the guy introduced himself on the phone, mentioned where you have met in the past, and just chatted with you in an attempt to learn more about you and help you to learn more about him? If he asked you later to meet in some place open and public like a restaurant, and mentioned several of your good friends that you could talk to to verify that what he said about himself was true, how would you react?

I'm just getting nervous about it because I've probably only got this one chance to meet her, and I'm not sure if this kind of person would enter my life again. The feeling is just so strong, and like I said before, my heart sinks whenever I see her and I still don't know why. That's something I want to figure out by meeting her too.

Just do it.
Go for it.
Fortune favors the brave.
What have you got to lose?
Trust me, if you don't suck it up and do something, 20 years from now you'll regret it. It's no big deal. People all over the world are wondering where their next meal is coming from, or if their children will survive the night. Worst that can happen to you is she shuts you down. And if that's the worst thing that ever happens, you're way ahead of the game. (Just a little perspective).

I probably wouldn't be too freaked; but that's me. Just don't come on too strong or stalkerish like on July 12th at 2 o'clock I saw you doing blah blah. Just say you have seen her around and you know some of her friends and were interested in getting to know her. If I had a boyfriend and it happened I would let him know that; but would still be open to getting to know him as long as it was understood that a friendship was all that was possible. As long as you keep it to a public place I don't see any problem with it, if she seems a little reticent she could always bring along another friend, probably one you already know. It may be kinda scary for you, but everything that is worth while never comes easy. Good Luck!

I agree with Sinta-- Though it is creepy when ex-boyfriends do this, devastated over the break-up from over a year ago, and looking for some lovin', I wouldn't be too creeped out if some guy I may have possibly seen called me and just talked like a friend, in sort of a get-to-know-your-neighbor kind of way...

I also agree with yeahright... Just do it... Go for it... Now or never~~ You got nothing to lose~!

Thanks for the help! I think I was going to call in the first place, but I just needed some support, and knowledge that calling her wouldn't be THAT weird of a thing to do. I think its a good idea to get it out of the way considering i'm going back to college in about 3 weeks. I'm sure I'd be haunted the entire semester by the fact that I didn't try if I don't go through with this. I'll update on how it goes....but I'm not doing anything until I get back from my Bermuda cruise....oughta relieve a little tension too

Just for an update: I finally got back from my vacation, but while I was there I was talking to a friend who was actually stuck in a similar situation. He advised me against calling because it was the boldest of all methods to contact her short of knocking on the door, and suggested finding out her screen name from her friends or simply writing a letter instead. The letter's definately old fashioned, but this way there's absolutely no anxiety about calling her, I can fully say what I feel, and it's less intrusive than calling her or getting her screen name, although an IM wouldn't be that bad of an idea I think. So I'll see how it goes, and tell you all what happens. I know I'm gonna get flak from you YeahRight, but I'm doing it soon Thanks again for the advice.

Originally posted by zhangmaster
I know I'm gonna get flak from you YeahRight, but I'm doing it soon

No flak from here, Bud. Of all the things I'm not qualified to give advice about, young love is probably at the top of the list. When I was going through that, we were programming in Fortran. Ask your grandfather what that was. Good luck. Just be yourself and it'll go fine.

Well either of those methods is a good idea, a letter may be more old fashioned but it's kinda sweet and endearing, whereas IM is more conversation-like (because that's what it is ) Either way good luck!

Well, I said I'd update you all on what happened, and I've got to say it went horribly wrong. It was definately the right move to write a letter to her, inviting her to talk to me on aol or over the phone, but she completely changed in the two years since I've seen her and definately for the worse.

What I couldn't believe though was that I actually sent the letter to her grandparents house! Apparently they moved into the girl's old house last year and I had no idea it had happened. So they open the letter themselves and think that I'm just some stalker kind of guy randomly sending letters to people's houses in the hopes that a girl will get one. So needless to say, there was a lot of explaining and apologizing to do on the phone, but in the end she understood and told me that I did the right thing in my situation. The problem is that she is completely different from he girl I remember in highschool....she dropped out, started doing drugs, stopped writing poetry and everything else, and has this attitude that doesn't seem like her. So, I'm probably going to forget the whole thing, or maybe try to meet her once when I go on break for college. Thanks for the advice though...it's just too bad the whole thing didn't have a happy ending.

I'm sorry that things didn't turn out better. At least you tried, and that is truly an amazing feat no matter what the outcome. You are my new hero!

haha, thanks Sinta, and for the helpful advice you gave. I really have no idea what's happening now...she gave me a call again then a message to talk to her on AOL. I just can't seem to figure her out! It seems weird that she would bother to contact me that much if she already has a boyfriend. Guess I'll never understand girls .

Yes we are all very complicated and confusing aren't we? I don't envy the male species for having to to try and understand us. Have fun trying to figure it all out though! Good luck, you'll need it