I was given a gift that was and is too big for me.
They say life is made up of five or six moments that change everything. In the case of meeting him, it was/is true. In that moment, the entire
universe faded away and somehow I knew I had met someone that I would be entangled with for the rest of my life, even if it wasn't a shared
I met him over 11 years ago. We are no longer in contact. We grew to be close friends, intensely close. We were never more than friends, though the
matter of latent romance was discussed on two different occasions throughout the duration of our six year friendship.
We haven't been in touch for years now, though after he moved away from the city we both lived in, we had a chance encounter a year after he had
moved. He came back to visit and was in town for one night ... ONE NIGHT
and we ran into each other, incidentally.
All he had to do was walk in the door and I was ruined.
All of my buried whims and affections were unearthed at once, exposed to the white hot light of day all over again.
Of course my naivety and preponderance to hope annihilated all sense of pragmatism. I was incandescently in love and totally disarmed. For years and
years and years my ardor knew no reprieve, wasn't beholden to logic, pain, distance ... anything. It was as a deluge, wave after wave conquering my
borders, submerging all resolve.
I used to think that I would find another. I used to think that this was actually a normal encounter, that others would inspire me and move me to the
heights and depths that he did. No, at least not here on earth.
I love God above all.
As far as corporeal, earthly love is concerned - he knows no parallel.
So yeah, at least for me -
I'm not whimsical, suffering from the throes of blind passion nor am I at the behest of youthful delusions of grandeur ... I am older now. I have
grown. I understand now. There was no way, even in multiple universes that "we" are/were ever meant to be.
And yet ...
And I say this not in some decided, bent devotion to him or an idea of him.
I say this because saying anything less couldn't be any more of a lie.
I have fallen in love once and only once. I don't know if this could possibly ever happen again.
I was young, too young. And the gift was big, too big.
edit on 18-12-2011 by followtheevidence because: (no reason given)