British Jokes

Q: Why are British keen on creating coalitions of countries?
A: Because it's the only way for them to win a war.

Q: What do you call 500 ship wrecks?
A: The British Navy.

[edit on 20-7-2005 by AtheiX]

I'm really resisting saying something really nasty...but because I'm nice I won't

The only remotely funny thing about this thread, is a German, using an avatar image of the English patron saint, posts jokes about the British military!

Now, that is quite funny, I almost cracked a smile

Originally posted by ridcully
The only remotely funny thing about this thread, is a German, using an avatar image of the English patron saint, posts jokes about the British military!

These are supposed to be jokes.
BTW, my avatar was supposed to be a Templar avatar, not a picture of St. George.

Originally posted by AtheiX
These are supposed to be jokes.

You sure?

Originally posted by UK Wizard
I'm really resisting saying something really nasty...but because I'm nice I won't

Jokes are meant to be witty or humourous comments...right?

The war jokes are coming from a german?

*Begins to dance around living room humming the Dambusters tune*

Du du du du du du du du du.........etc


Mic

And furthermore............


Now go away!

Mic

Originally posted by MickeyDee
And furthermore............


Now go away!

LOL!!

brilliant

Originally posted by MickeyDee
And furthermore............


Now go away!

Mic

HAHAHAHA!

Made my evening!

Know why the British don't make computers? They couldn't figure out how to make them leak oil!
this next one isnt really a British one, but its hilarious!!!
whats the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog?
on a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside!!!!HAHAHA
a picture of a British petrol station:

BTW I'm Irish, i've heard a lot of Irish jokes about drunks and stuff, heres a funny one:
Why was the Irishman on the roof???
He heard that the drinks were on the house!!!!!!!!!!!
We all have to laugh at ourselves sometimes!!!!!!!!!!
PP

Originally posted by ridcully
The only remotely funny thing about this thread, is a German, using an avatar image of the English patron saint, posts jokes about the British military!

St. George was Turkish, named George by a Welshman. The English came from tribes made up of the Picts and Angles from Germanic tribes and are ruled by a royal family who changed thier German name from Saxe-Coburg not to upset the English during the world wars. They even had members in the famous German SS. This thread is getting funnier!!!

P.S. Liked the 5-1 picture. That did shut him up!!!!

[edit on 25-7-2005 by Mcphisto]

well, not really a Brit joke but a Scottish joke... A Scotsman goes to his first baseball game in America. First batter gets up, gets a hit, crowd jumps up yelling Run, Run.
Second batter gets up, gets a hit, crowd yells Run! Run!
Third batter gets up, ball 4, walk. Scotsman gets up yells (roll the r's here)
rrrun ye bastard rrrun. Crowd snickers and titters, person next to the Scotsman tells him oh no, he has 4 balls and he gets a walk. Scotsman gets up and yells walk with prrride man.


[edit on 26-7-2005 by keybored]

Q-How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A-One they hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.

HaaaaaHaaaaa


Am I ......lol

(Spelling)

[edit on 26-7-2005 by switchblade]

That last one reminds me of a cracker!

How many women does it take to change a light-bulb?
None...leave the bitch cook in the dark!


Sorry ladies. My wife give me a slap for you ok!

Originally posted by MickeyDee
And furthermore............


Now go away!

Mic

Want to compare with us? OK.

Here's a part of English military history:

Richard the Lionheart's return from the Holy Lands to England (1190s)
Richard the Lionheart has been captured by the Prince of Austria. He has been forced to pay Germany a large ransom (100,000 bisants) and consider himself dependent on the Emperor of Germany.

P.S. Liked the 5-1 picture. That did shut him up!!!!

Don't think that because I don't post in this thread someone shut me up.

German Joke:

Captured:
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a German were captured by the Arabs and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years, but, I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away."

The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer.
The Frenchman says, "I'll have five years' supply of wine!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy.
The German says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes.

Five years later, the Arabs come to release their prisoners.
First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out totally drunk.
Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out rather inebriated.
Then, they release the German, who comes out and says, "Has anyone got a light?"


I don't care who the jokes are aimed at as long as their funny

For example

An Englishman, roused by a Scot's scorn of his race, protested that he was born an Englishman and hoped to die an Englishman. "Man," scoffed the Scot, "hiv ye nae ambeetion (Have you no ambition)?"



Google is brilliant for finding jokes



[edit on 24-8-2005 by UK Wizard]

Originally posted by Paranoid PainBTW I'm Irish

Or are you just one of those annoying Americans who thinks he's Irish because his Granny once drank a pint of Guinness

[edit on 5-9-2005 by Winchester Ranger T]

Here's a jab at the French (Agincourt, Waterloo and many other losses at wars)

How many French men does it take to defend Paris?

Dunno, it hasn't been done yet.



As for the German bloke,

What do you call a rubbish air force which is meant to be better than the RAF?
The Luftwaffe.

Originally posted by AtheiX
Q: Why are British keen on creating coalitions of countries?
A: Because it's the only way for them to win a war.

Yeh, the Falklands and Northern Ireland didn't happen did they?