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Computer Stupidity

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posted on Jul, 19 2005 @ 03:14 PM
Anyone who works in tech support needs to check out this site. I like reading it when I get those special calls explaining to me that our software shut down the power in the hospital (nevermind the hurricane taking place), that our software can't back up a hard drive on a computer exclusivly for your software when SMART detects an imminent hard drive failure and the like. Either I get a lot less frustrated with the call, reading what others have gone through, or else I realize I have a great story to share with them.

Here's an example of some of the special stories:

Email from a customer:

I've bought a stolen CDD3610 which didn't come with any software or cables. Could you please send that to me? I presume I do have the full 12 months warranty?


* Tech Support: "Ok, ma'am, I need you to do a ctrl-alt-del."
* Customer: "How do I do that?"
* Tech Support: "Push and hold 'ctrl' and 'alt' at the same time, and then hit 'delete'."
* Customer: "Where are those?"
* Tech Support: (explains the location of the keys)
* Customer: "Nothing happened."
* Tech Support: "Try again."
* Customer: "Still nothing."

A minute or two later....

* Customer: "Should I turn my computer on? Would that help?"
* Tech Support: "Yeah, it might."

It's very therepudic. Also, if you've experienced some really stupid tech support, they have a reversal forum:

# Me: "I was thinking of installing Linux, but I was wondering if you knew if the modem works under Linux."
# Tech Support: "Oh, I'm sorry, we only support Windows."
# Me: "I know. I was just wondering if you knew if it was possible."
# Tech Support: "But we only support Windows."
# Me: "I know, but just to save me some time, have you heard of anyone that got Linux to work with the modem?"
# Tech Support: (getting annoyed) "Why can't you just use Netscape?"
# Me: "Uh, wha? It's not a browser, it's a--never mind. Thanks for your help."


posted on Jul, 19 2005 @ 04:18 PM
This one was a coffee-sprayer:

I own a computer store. One day, two policemen came into the store and told that they owned a 486 and a 286. They asked if a 486 and a 286 could be assembled together into a 686. I replied to the dumb request by asking them if two 200 horsepower police cars can be used to make up a 400 horsepower Ferrari. The policemen didn't get it and replied angrily that altering car engines is strictly forbidden by law.

And this one:

Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

Thanks for the laugh.

[edit on 2005-7-19 by wecomeinpeace]

posted on Jul, 19 2005 @ 04:45 PM
This one really amused me:

I had just completed a test install of a LAN-based remote control tool, when a VERY dependant secretary called my office. She calls me way too often to have me show her how to do very basic things. Her boss, "Don," insisted that "Tess" did not need special training, only my occasional assistance. That day, Tess was frustrated while trying to learn how to use the thesaurus feature in Word 97. I recommended that she use the Help Assistant to learn. She was unaware of how the assistant worked; an idea came to mind.

* Me: "Go to 'Help' and choose 'Microsoft Word Help'."
* Her: "Ok. A little paper clip came up. Ha ha!"
* Me: "Now, see the text box? Keep your eye on it, and tell me what it says."
* Her: "'Hi...Tess.... So you learn about...the'"
* Me: "Now say 'Yes.' Don't type it."
* Her: "'Yes.'"
* Me: "Now what does it say?"
* Her: "First...I must suggest 'Word 97...for Dummies.'"
* Me: "Ask where it is."
* Her: "Where is it?" (pause) "It says it is in my cabinet above my desk."
* Me: "Oh, good. Always trust the Help Assistant. You will be proficient very soon. Now the assistant knows you are going to get smarter, so it will now want you to type your questions in that box."
* Her: "Hey Don, I can talk to my computer!"
* Me: "Gotta go!" (click)

I gotta say, I think the Revenge category is my favorite
Maybe I've just become one of those bitter tech support guys, though...I mean, jeeze, it's not even my job!

posted on Aug, 10 2005 @ 09:19 AM
That was sad and funny at the same time. Thanks for the laugh.

posted on Aug, 10 2005 @ 10:50 AM
God I've been at both ends of the phone. Now if I'm having a problem I just find the relevant Forum group that would know a workaround(only exception is when I'm trying to figure out wats wrong with the DSL line) and I don't work Tech Support NEmore Worst. Job. Ever. Even worse then street vendoring in the middle of a Canadian Winter(at least I had drunk people to laugh at and keep warm by the propane fire lol)

posted on Aug, 10 2005 @ 11:08 AM
Worst tech support call I got was from a hospital using our beta software. It went something like this:

"Our power just went out"
"Was our software running?"
"Ok, you should probably compact the database just to be sure none of the data is misrepresented or deleted"
"Why did it do that?"
I explain how we use Access behind the scenes, and explain how breaking a connection with Access can cause corruption.
"No, I mean why did your software shut off our power?"
This made me blink. "I'm sorry?"
"We were just starting a sample, I pressed 'start', and all the power went out."
I was floored. This was a customer that I didn't think of as a complete idiot, and was fairly computer savy. Now, they seemed to think we had created software that would turn the power off in a hospital's lab.
I spent about 10 minutes back and forth with this person explaining that it was impossible for our software to shut off the lights in the lab. The guy wasn't buying it. Then I had an idea.
"What time did this happen?"
"I'll check" he checked the time on the sample that was started when the power went down. "just after 4:59"
"It's Friday night, at 5. Your hospital tests its back-up generator at 5"
"But it's plugged into a red outlet." Obviously, the person had already considered this, but the red outlets are supposed to be the emergency outlets that still get power from the backup generator. The only problem arises with computers and other equipment not designed for the 30 seconds it takes to switch between the main generator and the backup. I explained this to him, proved it to him by telling him to pull out the plug and put it back in really quickly on a computer that isn't often used. Whoop, it shut off!
Somehow, even after this had been explained, on hanging up it sounded as though the customer was accepting this explanation only because it seemed as though I wouldn't do anything more about it, not because they were convinced.

posted on Aug, 10 2005 @ 08:43 PM

Now THAT'S a funny site! Revenge is totally the best.

posted on Aug, 10 2005 @ 08:45 PM
JJ, thanks for that site.
Got a few laughs.

I really love tech support. Various tech support has helped me through my computer infancy. Esp. the Comcast guys, who were the first to be called and taught me much, even though it wasn't a cable issue.

Also got great help from Microsoft techies, really. We never fixed the corrupt profile, but sure tried like heck.

Nowadays, like sardion, I rely on online tech forums, they are trult awesome inventions.
And tech websites, like, are always helpful.

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