What the Hell Is Wrong With Me?

Ok, very recently, (just got home yesterday) as some of you know I took a vacation in Brazil for 2 weeks. I have this friend who was an exchange student for a year at my school senior year, we became really good friends, and he invited me to go back with him at the end of the year. I accepted, and we went. I was looking forward to this trip for most of the school year. I had a really great time there. But now that I'm home, something feels off. I can't really explain it. I mean after two weeks there, I was kind of feeling ready to come home, even though I'd miss my friend. When I thought of seeing my house and family again, I'd get excited and stuff and couldn't wait to see everything again. I even got pretty homesick in Brazil the first day. But now I don't feel happy. The feeling's hard to explain. It kind of feels like an "It's all over" type of feeling, like there's nothing left to look forward to. And the stuff I have to look forward to (getting another job, going to school) makes me feel worse. Kind of like something's missing I guess, but then again it's hard to explain. Is it depression? That wouldn't make much sense. But I know in those stupid zoloft commercials they say that you no longer enjoy things that you once enjoyed. Everything feels kinda dull. And it's not just that I miss my friend either. I mean sure, that's a part of it. Obviously if you know that there's a good possibility that you'll never see one of your best friends again, it's gonna be sad. But there's more to it. Maybe it's just that I had this to look forward to for soooooo long, and now that there's nothing more to look forward to I just feel weird. But I think the strangest part is how excited I would feel about being home again, and now that I'm here I don't feel like that at all. Argh, this sucks! Advice would probably be appreciated.

Herman don't worry. I've felt that way before too. I think it's the build up factor. You anticipate and anticipate and once there you are discovering new things and everything is in a heightened sense and although you do miss what is familiar you mourn when the excitement is done and gone.

I lived in Greece and Washington DC for a spell which was so different from my home town in FL and for 4 years it was nothing but excitement and thrills and yes I missed home terribly but I felt so liberated just being. I am now married and live in Minnesota which climate wise alone was a culture shock and now I have serious bouts of depression of just being stagnent. Well I guess depression isn't the best word to describe but that the travel and excitment for me is over. I mourn that because the every day of going to work and the "routine" just doesn't cut it sometimes.

Ok I was a little long winded there but I wanted to you know that others have felt the same thing and I think it's normal. It will pass of that I am sure.

Hey thanks DDay. 4 years, damn. That must be like my feeling amplified by 10 heh heh. I think it's getting a little better. But yeah, just going back into the routine does suck. I guess living in a mansion in Brazil for 2 weeks with nothing to do except have fun everyday can change your view about your own home haha. Plus having to leave behind one of my best friends and possibly not ever see him again. But I'm sure I'll visit again...

I'm always depressed when I return from vacation, I don't think it's anything to worry about it.

Buy a CD!

Yeah, the post vacation depression thing is not a big deal, but didn't you just graduate and stuff too? Could just be the whole death of innocence, rest of your life is downhill, oh my God is this it? realization thing happening.

Well, now it is.

[edit on 9-7-2005 by RANT]

its nothing to worry abouttttttttttttttttttttt

Originally posted by RANT
Buy a CD!

Yeah, the post vacation depression thing is not a big deal, but didn't you just graduate and stuff too? Could just be the whole death of innocence, rest of your life is downhill, oh my God is this it? realization thing happening.

Well, now it is.

[edit on 9-7-2005 by RANT]

Yeah it's kinda all that stuff mixed together. I mean I feel like a jerk for being sad because something GOOD happened to me, and now it's over. You'd think I'd just go back to being how I was before it happened. That, and like leaving behind one of my best friends who felt kinda like a brother cause we spent so much time together, and now I won't see him for a long time, possibly never again.

Yeah and the CD... Turns out Michale Graves doesn't even have a distribution company to work with, so it's strictly online and at shows for now...

Originally posted by Herman
I mean I feel like a jerk for being sad because something GOOD happened to me, and now it's over.

No need to feel like a jerk.....Save that for a few other occasions that may pop up on down the road of life - You only get to pull the "I guess I'm a jerk" card out a few times before you use it up.....

Being a military brat, I've suffered those exact pains from one move to the next....I ended up going to three different high schools....

I got torn away from Germany after my freshman year....I wanted to go crazy man....I loved life over there - It was so new and different....It was like discovering your perspective on every little thing all over again.....And then you get ripped away and planted right back where you left off....

You'll always have that yearning to go back....To keep seeing new places....But over time you'll get back in the groove....Just keep in the back of your mind all the fun times you've had, and use that as motivation to save your money up for another trip

And make sure to keep in touch with your friend.....It'll keep that part of your brain active, and your memories fresh....

If you travel around enough.....you will find many places that you feel connected to, and will consequently feel sad to leave. You return to the mundane.....and then the homesickness of these places will become prevalent to you....it is normal.

Hey, thanks for the advice guys. I guess I'm just in one of those "bad things" waves... I don't know, it feels like some of the stuff surrounding that trip was a part of me, no matter how idiotic that sounds. I mean my friend was definitely a really big part of my life, since being a teenager most of what I do is hang out with my friends. Just now, about 5 minutes ago, I suffered another blow. I haven't seen another one of my good friends on a couple of months, and everytime I called the people he's staying with (his parents kicked him out), they didn't know where he was. They said he'd call me when he gets back. I called them just now, and found out he moved back to Indiana. Guess he didn't have my number, or just didn't care to call... Ugh, it feels like I have to start all over from scratch, and I had such a good thing built up.