posted on Jul, 8 2005 @ 10:51 PM
It has come to my attention that certain of my fellow countrymen and countrywomen have been expressing concern for what other people think about
This un-American activity must end immediately.
I understand that it can be disconcerting to encounter people on the Internet who don't like America, but we're working on it.
Until we can bring enlightenment to the festering cesspool of ungodly ignorance that is the rest of the world, we God-blessed Americans must remember
to keep some indisputable facts in mind:
1. America is the best country there ever was. Period.
2. America invented everything, and we invented it first.
3. Everything is bigger and better in America.
4. America is the only country worth living in. Why anyone would want to live anywhere else, we don't know.
5. Life is perfect in America. Nothing ever goes wrong.
6. All the good things that have happened in history happened because America made them happen.
7. All the bad things that have happened in history happened because America wasn't there to stop them from happening.
8. America cannot be defeated. No matter what, we always win.
9. America is the most beautiful nation on Earth. We have Hawaii, for crying out loud.
10. It is better to be on welfare in America than be a billionaire anywhere else.
11. God is on our side, no matter what side we take.
12. We've never done anything wrong, because we are incapable of doing anything wrong.
13. The rest of the world needs to learn how to speak English like normal people.
And most important of all: Americans are humble. We are the most pious and humble people ever to grace the face of God's green earth. Unlike
those arrogant French.
We've been patiently telling the rest of the world these undeniable facts for generations, but, being of inferior to us in intellect, the rest of the
world has been slow to catch on.
Do not despair. After all, we Americans never give up, because we never lose.
Just keep reminding everyone you meet how superior America is, and how superior us Americans are, and sooner or later, they will come around, whether
they like it or not.
America may not always be right, but God bless her, she's never wrong.
That is all.