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Commentary: My Fellow Americans, We Have A Problem

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posted on Jul, 8 2005 @ 10:51 PM
It has come to my attention that certain of my fellow countrymen and countrywomen have been expressing concern for what other people think about us.

This un-American activity must end immediately.

I understand that it can be disconcerting to encounter people on the Internet who don't like America, but we're working on it.

Until we can bring enlightenment to the festering cesspool of ungodly ignorance that is the rest of the world, we God-blessed Americans must remember to keep some indisputable facts in mind:

1. America is the best country there ever was. Period.

2. America invented everything, and we invented it first.

3. Everything is bigger and better in America.

4. America is the only country worth living in. Why anyone would want to live anywhere else, we don't know.

5. Life is perfect in America. Nothing ever goes wrong.

6. All the good things that have happened in history happened because America made them happen.

7. All the bad things that have happened in history happened because America wasn't there to stop them from happening.

8. America cannot be defeated. No matter what, we always win.

9. America is the most beautiful nation on Earth. We have Hawaii, for crying out loud.

10. It is better to be on welfare in America than be a billionaire anywhere else.

11. God is on our side, no matter what side we take.

12. We've never done anything wrong, because we are incapable of doing anything wrong.

13. The rest of the world needs to learn how to speak English like normal people.

And most important of all: Americans are humble. We are the most pious and humble people ever to grace the face of God's green earth. Unlike those arrogant French.

We've been patiently telling the rest of the world these undeniable facts for generations, but, being of inferior to us in intellect, the rest of the world has been slow to catch on.

Do not despair. After all, we Americans never give up, because we never lose.

Just keep reminding everyone you meet how superior America is, and how superior us Americans are, and sooner or later, they will come around, whether they like it or not.

America may not always be right, but God bless her, she's never wrong.

That is all.


Beer Drinker
Political Theorist
Red-Blooded American

posted on Jul, 8 2005 @ 10:55 PM

Yes I aggree.

People complain and nag that america is so horrible...

then why do people in other countries risk their lives to come here. lIterally illgally risk their live and everything they have? why do people from almost every other country try this?

America is the best it is the greatest and if you think other wise...

"Frankly my dear I don't give a dam"

I'm proud to be an american and I would be more than happy to give my life for what america is...
Life Liberity and the Persuit of happiness.

posted on Jul, 8 2005 @ 11:08 PM
Oh god majic, don't tell me you are serious...
Most of that list is untrue...
Like #8. We lost vietnam, it is communist now, and we lost lots of people.
I could continue, but I'm not.

Though America does have somewhat of a undeserved reputation, we are not as good as what you are saying.

Like I said, please dont be serious.

posted on Jul, 8 2005 @ 11:23 PM
War And Police

Originally posted by A Random Person
Like #8. We lost vietnam, it is communist now, and we lost lots of people.

America didn't lose in Vietnam, and it wasn't a war. It was a police action.

America withdrew from Vietnam because it just wasn't pulling in the ratings, and people were upset that Vietnam news coverage was constantly preempting sports programming.

As everyone knows, that's downright un-American.

Our troops did not retreat. They never retreat.

They merely advanced in a negative direction.

posted on Jul, 8 2005 @ 11:32 PM
I know I said I would never darken your threads again, but I'm a female, and it's my prerogative to change my mind whenever I want.

Warning: compliment ahead

Thank you for providing what should be a most interesting thread to watch. This is the kind of thing that got you my nomination and vote for councilor. You can be so vague and misleading, while still sounding great; and that's a quality all the great politicians have.

Edited because I'm as anal about spelling errors as you are.

[edit on 8-7-2005 by Duzey]

posted on Jul, 8 2005 @ 11:36 PM
Wow I can't believe I just read that.
I think its great to take pride in your country but that list is just silly.
This is a joke right?

posted on Jul, 9 2005 @ 12:04 AM

Originally posted by Umbrax
This is a joke right?

I don't know if it was a joke but I took it as such. LOL

posted on Jul, 9 2005 @ 01:57 AM
America Is No Joke

This is America we're talking about here. Stand up when I say that!

It's also a good idea to genuflect or salute when someone says "America", because you never know.

People have laughed at us before, but we showed 'em good. Oh yes we did.

Take a look at Saddam. He laughed at us. Now look at him. He's not laughing now, he's just washing socks and writing crappy novels in his dorm room, and he is totally grounded, buddy.

And Osama. He laughed at us. And well, he probably still does, but not in public, at least. And you can bet wherever he is now, it's not as nice a place as the one he lived in before. And probably not nearly as nicely furnished. And he's probably pretty scared right about now. I know I would be.

Laugh while you can, but America has a long memory, and until something else more new and interesting comes along, we never forget whatever it was we were remembering just now.

America is all business, baby.

posted on Jul, 9 2005 @ 02:09 AM
America, #$!@ YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother #$!@ing day yeah,
America, #$!@ YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, #$!@ YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, #$!@ YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow

#$!@ YEAH!

McDonalds, #$!@ YEAH!
Wal-Mart, #$!@ YEAH!
The Gap, #$!@ YEAH!
Baseball, #$!@ YEAH!
NFL, #$!@, YEAH!
Rock and roll, #$!@ YEAH!
The Internet, #$!@ YEAH!
Slavery, #$!@ YEAH!

#$!@ YEAH!

Starbucks, #$!@ YEAH!
Disney world, #$!@ YEAH!
Porno, #$!@ YEAH!
Valium, #$!@ YEAH!
Reeboks, #$!@ YEAH!
Fake Tits, #$!@ YEAH!
Sushi, #$!@ YEAH!
Taco Bell, #$!@ YEAH!
Rodeos, #$!@ YEAH!
Bed bath and beyond (#$!@ yeah, #$!@ yeah)

Liberty, #$!@ YEAH!
White Slips, #$!@ YEAH!
The Alamo, #$!@ YEAH!
Band-aids, #$!@ YEAH!
Las Vegas, #$!@ YEAH!
Christmas, #$!@ YEAH!
Immigrants, #$!@ YEAH!
Popeye, #$!@ YEAH!
Demarcates, #$!@ YEAH!
Republicans (republicans)
(#$!@ yeah, #$!@ yeah)

posted on Jul, 9 2005 @ 02:25 AM

A poop load of sarcasm there, Majic


I laughed my behind off

posted on Jul, 9 2005 @ 02:34 AM
#$!@ YEAH!

Testify, brother Lysergic!

America has it all, wall to wall, so much stuff you can't see it all.

We have the best, the best in the west, when it comes to blessed, it's no contest.

We have the styles you like, in the colors you crave, at reasonable prices so you can save.

We sell whatever you need, when your wallet is freed, and always deliver with optimum speed.

With convenient terms you can't refuse, when America calls, it's time to choose.

Nothing's as fine, that much is clear, until the new models come out next year.

So dig down deep and pass the buck, 'cause if you don't we're truly

Um, “out of luck.”

Edit: Tampered with by Communist spies, damn them to hell.

[edit on 7/9/2005 by Majic]

posted on Jul, 9 2005 @ 03:04 AM

It's even ok for an American to Rant-on in an un-American manner!
America, Wot a Country!

posted on Jul, 14 2005 @ 09:54 AM
I really hope that was supposed to be a joke. :shk:

Great "Team America" reference here though!


posted on Jul, 14 2005 @ 01:43 PM
I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED BY YOUR BEHAVIOR! This is the first time I have seen such blatant hate for America and I am completely disgusted by it. If your going to make fun of America maybe you should join the Terrorists. Afterall, they probably hate America less then you people. America is a great country, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. But its because of YOU people and Terrorist sympathizers that make me want to MOVE! Anyone who has posted in this thread has lost all my respect and friendship. All of you should be kicked out of the country.

P.S. This is based on my assumption (which has a 95% chance of being correct) That the thread was started dripping with sarcasm.

[edit on 14-7-2005 by Voidmaster]

posted on Jul, 14 2005 @ 01:49 PM
Cut that out, Majic! For a moment I thought you went completely over the edge.

posted on Jul, 14 2005 @ 04:50 PM
It makes a statement about "America" that certain Americans took what Majic had to say about America seriously. I'm not sure what the statement is, but it has something to do with No Child Left Behind. Or maybe I am at fault for reading their comments and assuming that they were serious.

That's the problem with trying to be funny with an arthritic humerus, or quoting George W Bush speeches.

God Bless America in all its programmed ignorance.

posted on Jul, 15 2005 @ 01:45 AM
Would You Like Fries With That?

Originally posted by Voidmaster
P.S. This is based on my assumption (which has a 95% chance of being correct) That the thread was started dripping with sarcasm.

Sarcasm? Me?!?

Yeah. Right. Sure. As if. Like, shaw.

It is a point of personal pride on my part that everything I post to ATS has a double edge, at least, and I try to run an average blend of about 20% sarcasm and 20% smarminess in my overall ATS presentation.

I can do this, of course, because I possess a superior American intellect capable of encoding such high-order communication into my words.

Indeed, speaking with the full authority of God as a Red-Blooded American living in Red America under the Red, White and Blue, I make the claim that the very word “entendre” is an American Word. Not a French word, mind you, but a Liberty Word.

Sarcasm is just one of the services I offer.

Yeah, I know, I know. This at least borders on raw trollery, and perhaps even High Treason, if it isn't flagrantly so. But hey, it's BTS, so hey. I mean dude, it's all good. It's mellow. No harm no fowl. Easy does it. Hakuna matata. One day at a time. No worries mate and good on ya', n'est-ce pas? Save the planet. Copasetic. Ain't no thang peace out.

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